Nah, not for me. Sorry!

P.S. What do I know?:- Rotten Tomatoes 87% Metacritic, 81 out of 100, Best film of 2005 in the Village Voice Film Poll and for Mark Kermode. Empire named the film the 448th greatest film of all-time!

WTF?

The Hurt Locker

I am writing this quite a long time after I've seen the film, and I think I may watch it again as I am beginning to imagine it may have been worth a tad more than I remember

Johnny Mnemonic

Always seems a little unfair to rate a film without watching it all the way through, but both the film and Reeve's acting were too dated, too clunky, to risk the full two hours, so off it went in favour of richer pickings. Tell me if I have got this one wrong, come round for a beer and talk me through it. NB "Reeves's performance in the film earned him a Golden Raspberry Award nomination for Worst Actor".

Mad Max: Fury Road

I am confident that many people will enjoy this more than I did. Why have I given this a four, compared to San Andreas and its seven?

Fundamentally it is well filmed, and well acted, but you could really divide the film up into 6 minute segments, shuffle them and it would not be that different. It is 2 hours of vehicles in a petrol poor society going off at random tangents and getting smashed up whilst the protagonists look 'ard say very little and think even less. Save your money and instead of going to watch this film, watch the cam on Town End Junction, Pontefract for more or less the same narrative but without the mental guitarist and his whammy bar flame -thrower.

Magic Mike

If someone can tell me how this ended I guess you might surprise me, but I doubt it. Matthew McConaughey is terrific, I never quite know what too make of Channing Tatum, and the rest of the characters kind of got on my nerves. 90 minutes I won't get back, ten minutes would have been sufficient. Too many stage routines, not enough story, very few persons of interest.

Manhattan

Between this and Annie Hall - I feel that I am really missing something. Both of them have multiple accolades, and make all sorts of best-of lists, but quite frankly I found them both, especially this, tedious and irritating. They are only 90 minutes long apiece but they felt like three hours. I didn't like any of the characters, not only that, they were not interesting. Oh la dee dah, look how fucking modern, and educated and cosmopolitan and unhung up we are. Wow, the best things in life are stuff which makes me look hyper-cool when I say it. The jokes would be funny off the cuff, but they sound so shoed in. How dare Woody Allen take Rhapsody in Blue and the rest of the Gershwin catalogue and make it a backing track to his film? (I know, John Landis did it with Mozart at the beginning of Trading Places, but in that case the music was totally appropriate to the set up, not a declaration of artyness).

This is a theory. Woody Allen uses intellectual humour which some people, many people, just love to endorse, not because it's gut-bustingly funny, but because it reflects on how they wish to be perceived by others. It's the Emperor's new clothes. This is why I hate cities, especially 'cultural' capitals like London and New York that act as magnets for shysters and charlatans whose only claim to superiority is that given them by the equally vacuous tricksters that they surround themselves with. A monkey could run a hedge fund, Willy Mays was born in Alabama, and I could paint a picture to hang upside down without anybody knowing.

Please - could somebody tell me; why should I love these? Observational humour, it reminds me of all those naff radio 2 DJ's who go on and on about the same point. Masturbation might be sex with someone you love, but I certainly don't want to watch it performed by a spindly, ugly, undersized, pseudo-intellectual who doesn't have the balls to admit that the money and the power are the pussy magnets. Would he really be knocking off an articulate worldly wise 17 year old actress if he were a cab driver or a janitor with exactly the same vocabulary? I wish they would all fuck off and live in the Niger delta for five years - that would be a story!

Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World

To review

The Other Woman

I feel so guilty giving this just a four, but that's all it was, a pleasant enough evening at the cinema, if I'd have had a watch I would have been looking at it. Spoiler Alert. Jamie Lanister gets the shits, his hair comes out ( a bit) he grows tits ( a bit) and he walks into a glass door (twice). There is a lot of falling over and girly hugs. Just not my type of fil I guess.

Out Of Africa

Eewww! You always feel so guilty not spunking over an Oscar winner, but I'd so much rather watch Daktari, which at least doesn't pretend to be so self-righteous

Poltergeist (2015)

Not that I am anti-horror movie, it's just that it needs something more than this film gave to satisfy me, at least. The first part of the film was reasonably engaging, with some genuine “boo” moments, but sometime approaching the door which said “Paranormal department” It became a bit of an eye roller. If Sam Rockwell had been meant to play a regular dad he wouldn't have been Sam Rockwell, and one could not help thinking if his Seven Psychopaths or Billy the Kid going to burst out. I was contemplating leaving the film, and writing this, I'm glad I didn't, as in the end scene I think I have witnessed the most curiously naff wrap of all time, in terms of the family's temper whilst driving away, like a closing credits from Police Squad .

Robocop

Two hours I won't get back. I'm afraid that playing I Fought The Law by the Clash and Samuel L Jackson being bleeped out of his “Motherfucker” could not redeem it. Some films make the science work for them ( Power Rangers ); in this it is a constant glossing over of what would happen. Transformers had constant humour, this was... I don't know what it was, kind of as ploddy as his stupid boots, I mean, for crying out loud, why didn't they give him some rubber soles? I'm not saying it was a total disaster, just that it feels like, seen that, done that, intrigue me, make me gasp, make me identify with the compelling protagonist. I can see the Robocop meets Short Circuit sequel being a cure for insomnia

Nice to see Michael Williams (Omar Little) getting a good part in a film whilst Marianne Jean-Baptiste plays the same role as CCH Pounder does in The Shield . (I thought they were the same person, except the latter is 15 years older).

David Brent: Life OnThe Road

This may not be quite as bad a film as my sub-five rating may indicate. We left after nearly an hour of quite uncomfortable, not particularly funny voyeuristic witness to a poor man's personal tragedy. There may have been redemption in the end, but I couldn't visage how David Brent was ever going to extricate himself from the dead end money pit he was allowed to dig himself into. David Brent was only the pathetic lens through which to view the flawed humanity which surrounds us all. saddens me to say it, because I know the pilot of Derek captured that pathos perfectly, and let's face it, Ricky Gervais has given us some of the most seminal TV of the last three decades. :( .

Edward Scissorhands

Mmm. I should have liked this more, but I was teetering on finishing it without the end and eventually skipped through a couple of scenes. Why was I not so enamoured with it? If I want colour I'll watch a Wes Anderson film, the story was a little too simple and didn't work within its own Universe (You can't just go and carve topiary from a hedge, it has to be cultivated into shape), the disbelief was never suspended for a moment, it was unsatisfying the characters were one dimensional and I must admit to just hating the way girls like 'Interesting' boys who are really not that interesting and are practically retarded with their conversation skills and pasty face all because it's 'cool'. Whatever.

The Happening

Maintained the interest for 75% of the film, but it went nowhere, had the most glaring plot holes (like a train full of people are diverted then dumped in nowhere Pennsylvania and they all drive off in cars) and some of the acting was frankly terrible. No science, no twists, it was less than a five, just..

The House With A Clock In Its Walls

Sat this one out, probably only because it was my first film back on Unlimited Card, and only because I wanted to kill a Sunday night and there were no other options available. Jack Black is Jack Black, The child made Daniel Radcliffe in HP1 look like Dustin Hoffman, and what was Kate Winslett doing in this??? Animal fart jokes abound, stock characters, predictable arc, reliance on 'magic' for plot movement and corny dialogue for humour. On the plus side it had it's jumpy moments, but it was more 'these are scary images, this is scary music, forget about what happened five minutes ago, this is what's happening now'. Spoiler alert: "There is only one rule" ... hey guess which rule gets broken? I think you might be better off asking a ten year old of this films enjoyability quotient

Irrational Man

This could have been even more disappointing if I had know it was Woody Allen who wrote and directed it. It was, pretentious, unbelievable at the basest of levels, and quite frankly annoying to the extent that it slid from a 6 to a 4.5 by the time I left. The dialogue was something like this... " Blah blah blah the women you have shared experiences with" " The women I have slept with" At that moment I started thinking about leaving, the thing is I know little about Kierkegaard and Sartre and Heidegger, but I do know that being blunt in the face of a euphemism by replacing it with another one is just lame.

Can I describe the lamest dinner part ever? Your daughter cheats on her decent boyfriend, repeatedly lying to him, and ends up with the new lecturer who is twice her age and an alcoholic, so a week later you invite him to dinner and treat him like an old friend. That's not all. You then start talking about the death of a judge, then consider the hypothesis that it was a murder, Then more or less boil it down to how it was done. Oh COME ON!!!.

Macbeth

There is not, in my memory, a single minute of five seasons of Game of Thrones, which is less exciting than any moment from this film. There is not, in my memory, a single word or picture in the book Where's Spot?, which is less exciting than any dialogue or frame from this film.

I am open to persuasion, but COME ON, I left with half an hour to go. Let me quote from a review on IMDB.

visually impressive, intelligently adapted, atmospheric version of a very famous play. Michael Fassbender is stunning in the title role. What an actor he is! Brutal and sensitive, cruel and caressing, he handles the verse effortlessly, the fights viciously, and he radiates a huge wattage of charisma.

The thing is, I agree, but if you want visually impressive just go to Scotland, if you want intelligence read Richard Dawkins, If you want atmosphere turn a smoke machine on. etc etc etc. Personally I like a story, and this one was hard to follow. Please, tell me why I am wrong, but I bet yer bottom dollar when it comes to the critics the King will have a splendid new coat on.

Need For Speed

Ah, go on then. The trailers were awful, the morality despicable, nevertheless. It was a big film, with stereotypical yet enjoyable characters and it was a reasonable watch at the pictures.

The Seventh Sign

Digi Boxes are terrific things, just rippinig thgrough a couple of channels for the next two weeks yield loads of films which record at the press of a button. It does bring into question the validity of keeping the Unlimited Casrd, as this film, for instance, distacted me from going to watch Godzilla on its opening day, yesterday. As I ate my salad I began to regret not going to the flicks, and it might have been laziness but I didn't just turn it off. There is no getting away from the fact that, IMHO, Demi Moore is as beautiful looking a person as has ever been filmed, but this movie just didn't do it despite the eye candy. It wasn't by any stretch a complete disaster, just I like hokum to be funny, not serious like this. Anyhoo, with 20 minutes to go the digibox had stopped recording so the decision was taken away from me. I'll watch Godzilla today!.

Vampire's Kiss

To review

The Visit

Another two hours waiting for someone to say "Boo!" In it's favour the lad was terrific, and there were some jumps during it but please COME ON!! nobody in any universe would be as stupid as these peoples because their stupid ancestors would have stupided themselves out of the gene pool eons ago. M. Night Shyamalan gets worse, I mean, Sixth Sense = Awesome, Signs = mmm, The Happening = "Amy Adams dodged a bullet", and now this. Didn't watch the last 10 minutes, it's two hours I'll never get back, so let's be positive an imagine that as 600 seconds profit?.

Bridget Jones's Baby

I can't really review this objectively, because it is so not my cup of tea. I am 58 and well past my sell by date, Jeezus I'm past my give away to charity date, and this kind of film, with it's ironic humour about old people in a similar situation that actually find themselves above it just, quite frankly, annoys me. The festival scenes were why I hate festivals, the London scenes were what totally turns me off about London, full of self centred, not particularly clever, egotists who make you feel great but basically don't really give a fuck about you. I like René Zellweger and Colin Firth, I love Studio Canal, but the humour was yawningly repetitive, just in case you didn't get it, and the music just paled compared to Hell and High Water (which I watched beforehand); it was perhaps the most boring soundtrack I have ever come across. House of Pain were passé two decades ago. Now it is whored out as just a sad unamusing lip-synch that maybe still puzzles some of the Ken Bruce listeners in the audience but had me leaving my shoes on ready for a quick getaway. For crying out loud, old people have plenty to offer in terms of experience, but only if they have wisdom in the first place. I am proud of what I am, but hopefully realistic. For fuck's sake you boring old farts, grow old with dignity!

PS, SPOLIER ALERT. Hugh Grant is not dead (but that might as well have been written in Neon Lights during the church scene) (and I walked out after half an hour so did not read the newspaper clip, which I have just this moment looked up, before this bracketed sentence).

Caddyshack

Maybe in the top ten over-rated films of all time it "met with generally poor reviews upon its original 1980 release". The best quote the suits can dig up for their Wikipedia hack is something from an on-line blogger. The thing is, The Sun is the most popular paper, MacDonald's is busy, Bernie Sanders was not given the Democrat nomination and people buy records by Westlife. If you want to know the faults of democracy just talk with the average bloke for five minutes. Even Harold Ramis, who, lest we forget, gave us Groundhog Day says he "can barely watch it. All I see are a bunch of compromises and things that could have been better". I feel like marking it down for insulting my intelligence, like Ghostbusters 2016. I sat through it just for the reference, but the most enjoyable things were the food, the wine and the company. It, thankfully, stopped short of making me painfully uncomfortable.

As for the film, the acting was poor, the dames were unattractive, the animatronics were pathetic, Chevy Chase is rarely funny, Bill Murray was frankly annoying, The sex was unbelievable (not in a nice way), the continuity and goofs were numerous, the story was what? and there was perhaps only one character in whom I had a moderate interest (Ted Knight as Judge Elihu Smails), all jumbled along by a cast who lurched from 80s camp to incessantly annoying. I want to say "ah well, each to their own", but fundamentally this is just poorly made in all departments and if you like it you will probably love Martin and Lewis and Leslie Nielsen's golf film. The Chuckle Brothers are much better, cos at least you don't have sycophantic critics pandering to the great ignorance of idiots who do not understand true humour. For fuck's sake watch a Will Ferrell film instead.

Virtuosity

I tried to avoid revealing the plot of films, but I can't avoid it here. Crowe and Washington are having a competition to see who is the gayest. Denzell starts well in a nice blue leather number, but Russell actually wins hands down (or at least he was well in front by the time I turned it off after 45 minutes).

Crazy Rich Asians

This is another “Ah yes, I remember watching this some time ago and I thought it was horrible”. It was triggered by watching 21 again and thinking how rich people’s lifestyles depicted are truly truly awful, though neither of these films holds them up as being so. Would I feel differently if I was the Duke of Westminster? Yeah, I guess so, but I could beat the posh cunt at a General Knowledge quiz.

The Forest

I stayed for the majority of this film, the jumps were done quite well, but it depends so heavily on human stupidity and so little on story that... It's just not my cup of tea. I'm off to Wikipedia now to see how it all ended - That's saved me 30 minutes.

The Ridiculous 6

I felt, after 30 minutes, that this film was not taking me anywhere, so I abandoned it in favour of Lilyhammer . The fact is, there is so much to watch nowadays that one can afford to be picky, and sure enough, I left this derivative and slightly cringworthy film in favour of something totally immersive. Result! Is it a stellar cast, or is it just Keith Lemmon, The Movie for the Saturday Night Live cast? (I think so). It wasn't the worst thing I've seen this year by any stretch, but once they got to number 3 and the retarded kid I just felt that the best bits of this film have been done a million times before, and the worst bits had me looking for the remote.

Watch Blazing Saddles or Evil Roy Slade instead.

The Bone Collector

At the pictures I may have stayed to the end. On a DVD I just thought I had better things to do than watch Angelina say " I can't do it " and Denzel Washington saying " Yes you can ".

The thing is, like loads of thriller/horror movies it goes tits up in that the protagonists do incredibly stupid things which given they are, in Angelina's case.... oh it's just that whole kid calls in a dead body on a train track so they send a single female alone to investigate it, who compounds the bad practice by not calling it in the moment she confirms it is for real. I went and did something else after about three quarters of an hour, can someone tell me how it ends?.

2001: A Space Odyssey

I just remember it being a bit long.

A real afterthought here, looking at the paucity of memory, I am contemplating my life at the age of 67 and two thirds, and am a little despondent about many of my failures, and this reminds me. Much as I gorged on science fiction when I was a kid, I loved Isaac Asimov and Bob Heinlein, I never quite got on with Clarke, even though I would bet my house the guy is the most amazing talent. And in my whole life I have not enjoyed this film. And I can’t help wonder.. is that my fault?

All About Eve

Never did like Bette Davis, this film takes a long time to tell a short story

Anger Management

30 minutes seeking comedy, and just waiting to not be slightly annoyed. It wasn’t working for me, I’d had a £100 ULEZ charge cancelled, but then went and put 6 litres of petrol in my van, which cost me £250, so it needed something more special. Being funny is not a right. It is a blessing

The Angry Birds Movie

Colourful, but ultimately lacking in original story or empathic characters.

Annie Hall

Originally I only watched this half way through. I like Jewish New York comedy, but maybe Woody Allen has had too many imitators for my liking. I may try again. I did try again... I look at my previous rating of 4 and thought I'd up it by 1 on the day. The day after watching Manhattan I feel like dropping it again, for the reasons outlined in that review

Bedazzled (2000)

Just a watch, a bit dicky at times, nevertheless entertaining if not a tad repetitive. It's very rare that I give a film a straight five, nevertheless I suppose it was worth a watch.

Big Bad Wolves

A protracted slow motion scene did not endear myself to this film from the get go. Some really 'amateur dramatic' acting in the first dialogue scene sealed it for me after 10 minutes, turn it off, delete it, move on, leave it to fans of the genre.

Book Of Eli

I'm not sure that this one suspended my disbelief enough. I'm not sure that I like the message. I'm not sure that Denzel hasn't been a lot better served in many other films.

Burnt

This is the first film I have left early which I have rated more than 5. The thing is, it was nice looking, super cast, but it really isn't my cup of tea, like Southpaw for cooks, it just didn't look like it was ever going to be anything more than a comeback story with lots of pictures of pieces of lettuce which Bradley Cooper had jizzed on. What nailed the walk out (apart from the Top House Quiz) was a meeting in a Burger King (after said shop had featured very obviously in a previous scene) and Cooper delivering a monologue about how the food there was somehow like French traditional food. It was an insult to the viewers intelligence. If you want Bradley Cooper watch Silver Linings Playbook . If you want foodie, I found Chef far more entertaining. And sports stories are just so much more... manly?.

Compliance

I didn't watch this. Not that it's a bad film; it was too uncomfortable, and wherever it went I did not want to go there. Read the summary on Wikipedia, and then watch something more enjoyable. If you think you would not be capable of great injustice, you are, I would hazard, precisely the kind of person who is.

I tried to watch it again - I just couldn't do it. It is a REALLY GOOD film, but it just hurts too much.

Deadfall

To review

Double Jeopardy

If it wasn't for Tommy Lee Jones taking the pay-check on this it would have been disappointing Hell... it was still disappointing. Like Taken 3 we have a story carried along on the premise that the massed law enforcement agencies of The United States of America first ignore a protagonist who seems to think, “well that's OK then, I won't just present stone cold evidence to bail me out”, and then ignore the trail of expense created within the tale. It is so frustrating to think that this would happen in this film's own world, let alone the one we actually live in.

Dracula Untold

Rise Of The Spartans did the same thing but better. Interesting cast in that it was like watching Game Of Thrones with Rickon Stark, that twat from the Nights Watch (Damned if I can find his name) and Tywin (NB Ramin Djawadi did the theme as well!).

The French Connection

I feel I should like this more, but don't

The Great Gatsby

Half an hour to long, too much Jay Z, never got the book, get the film too easy. It's a picture though.

Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone

To review

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

To review

How To Be Single

Left after half an hour. I already know. (How To Be single). I don't doubt that if you like Friends, and have never seen Rebel Wilson in a film before you will like this, but there was nothing new in it for me. Still better than Gone With The Wind!.

The Hudsucker Proxy

Bit of a let down after all the other great films by Joel and Ethan Coen.

Inside Llewelyn Davis

I hate just giving this 5, but it was pretty ploddy, not particularly funny, and if I want music I'll buy the album. Perhaps when I read some explanations I'll sway, but it was just a nice way to pass two hours at the pictures, without being a see again. I wonder if Crazy Heart was the same, 'cos when I saw on Telly it wasn't worth sticking with, and you kept waiting for something to happen but it never did.

Jurassic Park 3

Passable sequal, lacks the originality, story, surprise, and soul of the first one. If I had been watching it by myself I probabbly wouldn't, but it is funny being alongside somebody. Sam Neil is so cheesy it infected the rest of the cast.

Kindergarten Cop

All this time Arnie was setting himself up for politics.

Leaving Las Vegas

I don't like films about neurotic fucking Americans. I know, the guy who wrote it killed himself two weeks into the making of this film, but I do not base my enjoyment ratings on sympathy. This girl, Sera, she must be really stupid, and Nick Cage has been so much better in other films. I wouldn't have given him the Oscar for this, Matchstick Men maybe if Kevin Spacey had been in retirement that year, but not this. It just doesn't seem feasable. A very neutral watch, didn't dislike it, but I was left thinking "am I really going to Bad Blake myself on watching films 'cos somebody got an Oscar?".

The Legend Of Hercules

I'm dead happy in a way, because I didn't write down a review for this film until now, and I was going to write that if you have an Unlimited film ticket that you might as well go and see this. I see I have rated it as a 5, which at least means I am being consistent! I reckon if this was the first Quasi ancient literature action movie you ever watched you would be quite impressed!. The relationship between this story and the Hercules I was familiar with is tenous. It makes Disney's version look like an ad verbatim copy of the Labours .

Mad Max

Sorrreee. I guess I don't like films which glorify the petrol engine. Apart from that there is little that is challenging about this movie apart from sitting through it to see if the pitch or pace changes. This is written at lerast a year aftyer I have seen the film, but I just remember watching this and the others with Jake and just packing it in half way through Thunderdome .

The Mummy

I did not watch this all the way through, but I watched it long enough for the giggle, but really, I suppose I could have seen it out, but there are better things to do. If you love this kind of Hammer Horror stuff, this is the dog's, but it's just too OTT for me. Very corney, hence quite amusing.

Noah

Phffff... Well it was fairly spectacular, but perhaps half an hour too long, went a little flat for that 30 minutes, didn't give one much background into the bible story, and left losts of shit unresolved. Did I see a flock of birds at the end of the film (ie more than two)?.

Nomadland

Seen this, but not fresh enough to write about right now in 2025

Point Break

The crew should have been used to make a documentary, as there are some great shots of surfing and skydiving but not much more. The plot has too many holes in it to make it believable and the hipness smacks of Poochie when introduced to the Itchy and Scratchy show, with everybody calling each other 'dude' and the hero actually being a complete cunt.

The Postman

This might have easily made a seven if it hadn't been so interminably long. Running at over three hours, this was not Dances With Wolves. The length gave one time, plenty of time, to ponder the absurdity of it all, so consequently by the time it got past two hours, patience wore thing and pretty soon we were skipping chunks and not really missing anything. The film won a slew of Razzies, and in a way, that is fair enough. There will have been plenty of worse films made in 1997, but with a nod to the budget and the squandered pedigree this does deserve to be recognised as a perhaps well meant, but over-indulgent piece of film making. On the positive side.. It looked nice, Kevin Costner can be eminently watchable... I'm marking it down, of the 200 minutes at least 100 were wasted.

Primate

Four (or maybe three) ‘hot’ chicks and one composite bloke have just finished college and find themselves in a house with a rabid animal. I could not differentiate between the girls but they spent a lot of time with the lights out running around in wet t-shirts explaining, suffering non-consensual moments with the animal who has gained intelligence along with hydrophobia for a menacing cocktail, in what is going on and what they were going to do and losing their mobile phones. I left after perhaps 45 minutes, just not my thing. I asked the Odeon girl on the way out had she seen it. She said ‘just the end’ I asked “what happened?”. She told me “it got skewered on a thing”

Golly, I missed a treat there didn’t I?

Romeo + Juliet

Watched ten minutes and couldn’t be bothered. I know the story already.

Sound of Metal

I watched about half an hour, hence the question mark for the rating. It was super nihillistic, taught me nothing in the 30 minutes I stoically stuck with it, There was dead time a plenty, 30 seconds of somebody awake in bed next to somebody who is asleep. This no more floats my boat than the ‘music’. Give me Steps over this any day! Watch Metalocalypse godammit. I wish I ‘got’ it, but this in many ways just seemed like Hamnet with self-harm and heroin, drowning in its own artiness, and just like Hamnet gained plaudits galore (Rotten Tomatoes 97%, Mark Kermode of The Guardian praised the "astonishing verisimilitude" of the direction). Tofu eating wokerati. Ma :(

Starter for 10

Non starter for 10. The only romantic aspect of my University Challenge experience was Jenny Ryan (The Vixen) and Adam Tumbler fucking off for hanky panky instead of playing quiz (Adam prioritised football). There was some nod to reality in that my ‘Uni Challenge practice’ notices were taken down by somebody, fuck knows who and fuck knows why. Jenny was very capable of non-disclosure.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows

Stayed for 15 minutes, laughed at the chicken dance, confirmed Megan Fox was skanky, smiled wryly at the humour and realised I was not going to really enrichen my life that much by staying for the duration. Not excruciating, just predictable without putting anything interesting on the table.

The Thirty Nine Steps

This is like The French Connection meets Withnail And I and it can't seem to make it's mind up. Were people just more gullible back in the day? I love the theatricle approach of some old films, just look at the Ealing Comedies, but this just seems a little bit lame. Did that aeropane have an everlasting fuel tank and a transponder on Richard Hannay? It's always enjoyable being reminded how stupid good old fashioned bobbies were.

WALL-E

What what what? Only a five for such an accoladed film? I gave Inside Out a ten!

Don't ask me why, I loved Chappie and hated Short Circuit . I liked Tears For Fears and OMD, but couldn't stand Depeche Mode.

Is it because I feel there is something lacking in honesty about this film (from the studio which bought you Cars ) along with paucity of story, dialogue and characters? Some people loved 2001 . It was a dull dirge, COME ON.

Sorry, if your a fan, it's just not my tempo

Aliens

I'm sorry Jake, I'm wasting my time watching the rest of this. More of the same stupid universe where the ships have been installed with Saturday Night Fever disco strobes, where parents take their kids to explore UFOs and don't even tell their home base they are doing it, where there is a female marine who flies the flag for feminism 'cos she's super ard, yet happens to wear a vest instead of combat gear and sunglasses in a world that is like Muckle Flugga in November the stupid cow, and where the major says "nah, we can't possibly have another shark attack". The thing is, with horror films, they overly depend on people's stupidity, and the cast of these films have it in spades.

Cabaret

54 years since I saw this on its release. If I live to 121 I might watch it again. When it was over I said “I'm glad that finished”. How on Earth did I sit through it when I was 14? Liza Minnelli was a nepo baby who wasn't that entertaining, but I guess if you like Catherine Hepburn in Bringing Up Baby you'd have thought this was a hoot (She is the same person in Arrested Development but placed in a far more amusing situation). Her haircut and make-up were just stupid. The songs just weren't that good, far and away the best one being Tomorrow Belongs To Me, where all the Krauts join in and stick the boot in. Was Wilkommen the inspiration for Springtime For Hitler?

If the film was a standard bearer for gay rights it was a brave film but not, apparently, very good at it. If it was an indictment about Nazi Germany it was 40 years overdue and not ground breaking in that

In a way I'm glad, because I've watched a couple of really enjoyable (at least for me) films recently, and I thought I was getting carried away, going soft, as it were. No I'm not. This was simply just not very attractive, hell, the only decent Hun in the narrative was a duplicitous liar and outright rapist.

From Here To Eternity

I was left pondering, was this film absolutely stymied by the moral climate that pervaded America at the time? Like The Best Years Of Our Lives some eight years earlier it seemed somehow ridiculous how people slept in separate bedrooms (when they were married), went to brothels but never got anywhere remotely close to 1st Base, talking and perhaps doing the foxtrot being the boundaries, spent most of their free time in a life threatening state of drunkedness, strictly no niggaz, and generaly ended up squaring up for fights with deadly weapons and then standing off and carrying on as if nothing had happened. Montgomery Clift was terrific, but everybody else kind of sucked (even though I generally like Burt Lancaster). The United States in the 50s must have been a seriously fucked up place to live. Saw it out for the sake of the Oscar, but c'mon, Donna Reed was well past her sell by date and Frank Sinatra was certainly nothing unusual.

Gigi

This is a truly fucked up film! That's not to say that it didn't have its moments, I mean, I Remember it Well is a truly wonderfull number, along with Thank Heaven For Little Girls, but I can't help but wonder where the makers are coming from and going too. It is an everlasting testament to the fact that the idiots win every time :( . The scale of values propounded or mocked during this film make me wince a little, and I can't help thinking how it would never be released now with femsocs whinging on about whatever it is they fear (which is just about everything). I mean, Leslie Caron was 26 when she made this and looks it. How old was Gigi meant to be? What is so good that it went 9 for 9 on its Oscar nominations. Art direction - Mos def. Costume design - Absolutely. Best film??? - I'm working on that!

The Nun

Meh! Nothing to do with the film itself, but I went to watch this with a friend, and I think it was better for that. I feel a little guilty on this Wednesday in the autumn of 2018 having watched 2 films which just are not my bag, this (a horror) and Crazy Rich Asians (rom com), and especially on this I feel a little bit mean as in terms of doing what it says on the packet I am not going to trading standards. The three protagonists are all eminently watchable, as are the various blankets, flitting shadows and skeletal parts which appear with dependable regularity, but boy, are they stupid or what? A little bit of me (actually quite a lot) is thinking "you can only buy into this if you believe in God" along with the extraordinary foolishness of people who when in mortal danger split up after dismissing their strongest ally for two days. Still, if you like this kind of hokum, you'll like this. It made me jump, it bought several smiles to my face, and it is now ticked off, a film I would never watch at home, but am reasonably happy to kill two hours at the flicks watching

Alien

I really can't come to terms with a universe where a multi billion dollar corporation sends a ship into space where the crew don't even know each other until they wake up, where a crew would even sign up for such a venture, and where would of them would odds on either die or put the entire human race in the greatest danger to save the ship's cat.

Collateral Damage

Our Jake talked me out of a six for this, It was one of those watch it and enjoy the food and a large scotch, laugh at the clichés, enjoy the degree of whodunnit in the first portion of the film and god bless the United States Of America!.

The Equaliser

Pretty predictable fodder in which the gnarly old stager (Washington) is persuaded by moral compunction to break out of retirement to take on the bad guys with increasing levels of jeopardy and violence.

Plenty of vigilante justice from the tortured anti hero on Metropolitan East coast where the bad guys are pretty unambiguously bad and vice versa for the good ones

It was not worth paying £4 extra for IMAX.

Exodus: Gods And Kings

Ridley Scott is not a visionary. He has a lot of money, he has big ideas, but given this has a production budget of $150 million it seems a little extravagant for not much story. It eventually just becomes chapter after chapter of epic scenes held together by a loose thread which (Spoiler Alert) is basically; people are enslaved under a good king and everything is peachy, slaves are enslaved by a bad king and fuck off with the help of some super dooper magic bestowed by a real god (as opposed to all those silly Egyptian gods) Oh fuck it's piss-potical and I fell asleep half way through the third plague (were there really ten of them). What were the swords in aid for? What was Sigourney Weaver there for apart from a cheque and her name on the credits? Why didn't Moses just beat his wife up? Without Christian Bale (who is a pleasure to watch) and Aaron Paul (who was on meth) this would not have hauled itself above 5. As it was I'm glad I went to see it as it was a nice afternoon out with Julia, we had a Sub, had a laugh and witnessed how God's wrath truly manifests itself (Junction 32 on a Sunday afternoon in the school holidays).

Fall

“Two women climb a 2,000-foot radio tower and get stranded”. Didn’t bother watching it past 5 minutes ‘cos I’m such an evil misogynist.

Grace Kelly

Made for TV semi hagiography. Good background, I just wish Ian McShane had been lying in the mud when Grace Kelly came to town and looked up at her through his beaten eyes and growled "Welcome to fuckin' Monaco".

How Green Was My Valley

It was a bit like one of those books you have to read at school, but don't really want to and don't enjoy as much as you should. Altogether too twee, and whearas things like Lassie Come Home and Mrs Miniver tug the heartstrings to breaking point this seems a deal, clumsier? (That's not the right word, perhaps reckless might be a better term) The thing is, it pertains to being right on, it could have been an incredible ecological pioneer, and begins as if it is going to be, but runs out of steam on that thread from the get go. It could be a paen to the working man, but it is unconvincing. It could be an homage to Wales but it is a load of Yanks in a studio with California backgrounds*. It could have been a counterpoint to Goodbye Mr Chips, but it ended up just with a short but total indictment of teachers whilst forgetting the system. Most of all it could be an epic on rational economics but it never actually makes its mind up enough to get started. Its loudest clarion is for that oxymoron sensisible religion, so all in all, I was happy to watch it from the point of cinema history, but I enjoyed my sweet potato fries with coconut and mushroom sauce a deal more. (The food got a 7.7). The Hayes code has got a lot to answer for. I wonder if William Wyler would have done it better?

* Called that before I read it "Fox wanted to shoot the movie in Wales in Technicolor, but events in Europe during World War II made this impossible. Instead, Ford had the studio build an 80 acre authentic replica of a Welsh mining town at Brent's Crags (subsequently Crags Country Club) in the Santa Monica Mountains near Malibu, California.

The cast had one Welsh actor, Rhys Williams, in a minor role."

If you do watch this listen for them all conjugating sentences like Yoda! "How green was my Valley that day, too, green and bright in the sun."

Jupiter Ascending

I don't like religion. It seems obvious to me that it is absolute cockameeme bullshit, and that in any species that develops the level of intelligence that we have it is an advantage to one's genes (to believe in a unseen deity). I'm glad this film came along, as although not conclusive proof of my neutrality, I could not help but compare this to Exodus, Gods and Kings and Noah, and thinking they are much of a muchness, full of bangs crashes and hoards, but thin on narrative and an engaging population. That is, I didn't diss the biblical epics because of the God factor, they were just, plain, not brilliant. As was this. Channing Tatum will not win an Oscar for this.

The Last Temptation Of Christ

This had a feel of Ben Hur about it. I watched 30 minutes and was moderately entertained, but it is one of those "Hey look, we are questioning the bible, therefore we are open minded think outside the boxes types, and this Jesus thing might be real", but that's the whole problem. It is no more an academic exercise than The Legend of Hercules .

The Maze Runner

I reckon there are films that you know what you are going to write about before you have even seen them, and this falls plumb into that department. Teens, experiment, distopia, I can't even be bothered going on. IT DOESN'T WORK WITHIN ITS OWN UNIVERSE!. There were so many peculiarities about this film that I can't list them all, but, eg. 4 gaps open up in the walls around the quarry (which varies between 4 and 1000 acres). WHY OH WHY OH WHY???. The more I think about it the more I want to downgrade it. I will. A bare pass. Jojen Reed!! LOL.

A Walk Among The Tombstones

Pretty predictable fodder in which the gnarly old stager (Neeson) is persuaded by moral compunction to break out of retirement to take on the bad guys with increasing levels of jeopardy and violence.

Plenty of vigilante justice from the tortured anti hero on Metropolitan East coast where the bad guys are pretty unambiguously bad and vice versa for the good ones.

28 Days Later

The question is, should I finish watching this? Not when there are films like JFK laying about that I haven’t seen for ten years. The thing is, there is no critical appraisal to be made. It’s a well made Zombie film. There aren’t any surprising twists (or at least there weren’t in the first 45 minutes). I don’t feel like I’m going to discover anything, and it won’t trigger any emotions with utility. Yep, that’s fair enough. You might enjoy it, but with all the films we have available, I feel there’s no point me seeing this one out; it’s OK, but it doesn’t particularly float my boat

Dirty Grandpa

Write reviews within 24 hours! I laughed to read how one critic wrote "Dirty Grandpa, is not just the worst movie [De Niro] has ever been in, but it may be the worst movie anyone has ever been in.". That was funnier than any line in the film. I did not like its glorification of booze, driving and dangerously addictive drugs, though Zack Efron played his part and Aubrey Plaza is eminently watchable. Just wasn’t sure what we were getting out of the film, and that includes the cast. Meh – I’m marking it down 0.4

Is This Thing On?

Oh COME ON! Will Arnett is never going to escape from that. Laura Dearn is always going to be Ellie from Jurassic Park. And Americans whinging on about their relationships is always going to portrayed in American films about their relationships as having a great deal more worth than much of the world might attribute. So it’s perfectly fine I guess, just not a boat floater for me.

Apparently it is based upon John Bishop. Well hooray, it still doesn’t lift it any. Look 5.6 is OK. I couldn’t help thinking of my own marriage and current situation. The director, writers, and main actors have all been divorced at least once, so shut the fuck up you precious twats. Good for you John Bishop though.

John Carter

After an hour of stop-start watching, Jake said he was off, I tried another 5 minutes and thought "feck it". The thing is, it looks like one of the most expensive films ever made, but that is about it in terms of praise. I actually was not interested, not eager to see what happened next and just because it had a huge budget shouldn't mean I have to see it out. The science was poor. I know full well that it is lame to criticise a film on the ground that there is no noise in a vacuum, but the gravity thing? That was variable!, unrealistic in any context. It felt unrealistic, that was a huge bugbear. Magic bable juice? Magic flying? Super dooper destroy at a touch or at a distance weapons yet they all go for hand to hand fighting? It went to far to suspend the disbelief. It felt wrong, and it was wrong. I feel bad 'cos Andrew Stanton will definitely fall out with me. :(.

Oliver!

I have to say that a line drawing for the first six minutes does not put one into the most positive state of mind for a film, consequently the first half of this film was spent wishing it along. Very recognisable songs, I was never a fan of Harry Secombe as a comedian or a singer, and once you have seen Wicked and Avenue Q all this Lionel Bart stuff seems kind of dated, with songs not seeming to move the plot along that much and just seem to be put in for set peieces which lead to an inconsistent mood to a movie that lasts over 150 minutes. I also don't like cockney cants.

Now, that's the bad bits out of the way, I am colouring it in the morning after and imagining I saw a film which carries a lot of history with it, some magnificent set pieces, some curious irony in the humour, some carachters which develop along with the film, a second half that has genuine arc and good performances from Jack Wilde, Oliver Reed and an absolute beauty from Ron Moody, who potentially had the most difficult job in portraying what seemed written as a slightly uncomfortable stereotype.

It is so refreshing to see those good old-fashioned values where, for instance, a stupid woman (yeah I know.. tautolgy) refuses to do the bidding of her drunken boyfriend and gets the good old crack the bitch deserves, then justifies it by singing a song about how that's all OK (As Long As He Needs Me ). A shining example to all relationships.

Silverado

It set off at a half decent lick, but the last half hour, the predictable, inevitable, crushingly repetetive after I've just watched The Magnificent 7 (2016) and Open Range, shoot 'em up with revenge, was a waste of time. I've been spoilt, but 1985 film quality is now a point of criticism. I don't know if its because Film 5 or whatever broadcaster it is churns stuff out on relatively low bandwidth, but having been privileged enough to watch a whole slew of films recently downloaded of Pirate Bay on HD, this looks very fuzzy in comparison. John Cleese just seemed to be there for novelty value, Kevin Costner had a bit of growing up to do, Kevin Cline was Robin Williams, and Scott Glen was the gnarly star. I am glad I saw it again, as it has allowed me to focus a little on what I want from films. Perhaps this is why they don't make so many westerns now?.

Independence Day: Resurgence

OK if you like this kind of thing. The whole principle is back to front and the stupid triumphalism is so playgroundy. Geoff Goldblum gets on my tits and Liam Hemsworth has done so much better. I guess it could have been worse. I stayed 'till the end, which it probably did not merit, and I have forgotten it already!.

The Age of Innocence

I saw this film yesterday! It was called The Broadway Melody. We have four characters of concern (Age of Innocence first, all New York).
4. Julius Beaufort, a new-money man about town who woos Ellen and gets some attention but eventually rejection and come comeuppance matches “notorious playboy Jacques "Jock" Warriner who woos Queenie” gets some attention but eventually rejection and come comeuppance .
3. Countess Ellen Olenska who matches Queenie Mahoney, both attractive, talented and the object of lust for the men.
2. May Welland is the counterpart of Harriet “Hank” Mahoney, innocent dupes who despite their betrothed’s constant philandering continue to be kind, thoughtful, loving and giving to all around, most notably…
1. Newland Archer and Eddie Kearns – A couple of prizes, feigning internal conflict whilst abandoning any semblance of loyalty. When Alexander Hamilton sings “Lord show me how to say no to this” who is he blaming for his infidelity? Look, fair play to his dick pointing him in a certain direction, but these guys – they actually believe their own narrative. You make a contract, you keep it, you break it, you admit it. The only difference between these two pathetic saps is Elena leaves New York and sends Archer his shag nest key back.

But my biggest criticism is for those who might cite this as a better film. It has better plates of food, but it is nearly an hour longer, the tunes are shite and the chicks aren’t ‘hot’ hot.

America's Sweethearts

Err... Well it is in my top 1000 rom-coms I think. Look, I was entertained by it and Fall Out Boy named a song after it

Bad Lieutenant

I really feel I should have given this more, but I didn't 'get it' Nic Cage is a complete lunatic, and despite some absolutely cracking films ( Matchstick Men, Lord Of War ), just loses his shit too much on occasions. Why would a hot chick like Eva Mendes even fancy him?.

Battle Of The River Plate

I usually enjoy factual films, but this seemed just a little bit too much like a 6th form production at a school where the chaps had never met girls before. They should have got C.S. Forrester to write the screenplay.

The Big Lebowski

Dreading writing this because I just did not think it was as good as some people think. The best group ever, Army Of Freshmen, love it. My son Jake says it is "much better second time 'round". I think I "got it", but after a second viewing I can't say that it was more than an interesting night in for me with a great cast, good cinematography and soundtrack, the best title fonts ever but lacking in the two most vital ingredients; plot and characters. WHAT!?!?! you may exclaim, no characters? Well yes, they were somehow over the top, lacking in genuine groundedness within the context of their own universe. Jeff Bridges was affable enough, but a dude who is funny because he is drunk or stoned is like something which is funny because you are drunk or stoned; it may not be. John Goodman was a boor. Steve Buscemi was the butt of a single joke repeatedly throughout the film. Hoffman was over the top, Waylon Smithers had done it all before. Why does Peter Stormare even take on these roles?

Look, I know the Coen brothers wanted a plot that was 'Chandleresque"; convoluted with lots of dead ends. Mission accomplished.

Two years earlier they made Fargo . I would have forgiven Hitler if he'd have made one film like Fargo .

Black Hawk Down

Some people will no doubt like this film more than me. Superbly filmed with a massive cast of great actors, It really didn't do it for me, Like Full Metal Jacket without the beginning bit, or like Gravity all the way through, it was magnificent, but there was no story to engage, even Ridley Scott says he had to write names on the helmets so one could identify who was on screen. Worth watching, if only to say you have seen it.

Boyhood

Gulp! After being blown away by Pride I went to have a look at the prices with William Hills for the Oscars and noticed that this was favourite to win at 9/4. Naturally I downloaded it and must admit, that I was reasonably absorbed, for the first 90 minutes, but I just didn’t get it. It wound down and down and I was looking to see how long there was to go. Please please somebody tell me what I was. I mean a reasonable concept, but this was meant to be a fiction, therefore it could have been done with different actors and make up. I have seen the 100% rating on Rotten Tomatoes, but come on, what do we take away from it? I feel like such a philistine, but I just supposed something was going to happen. Watch This Boy’s Life for a more satisfying version of the same story, watch 7 Up etc. for reality.

Captain Phillips

Good, but not that good.

A Dangerous Game

There is a great deal I don’t like about this film, which (SPOILER ALERT) is a diss piece about the building of Golf Courses, specifically those built by Donald Trump.

What makes me feel most uncomfortable about it (and many ‘right-on’ causes) is that it the evidence it presents often seems selective, shoddy or irrelevant. Look – I’m not saying Donald Trump is Joan of fucking Arc here, what I am saying is ‘prove that to me’ and then ‘show me why this is more important than a thousand other issues brought about by wealth disparity’.

There seems little demarcation between ‘good’ and ‘bad’ here, there are no bottom lines concerning costs and benefits, so for example, when golf courses in the middle of the desert are presented as generally detrimental, the benefits of temperate parkland Golf Courses, or at least even their potential is almost totally ignored.

I am what some people might term a card carrying tree hugging hippy, and yes, I do love golf, so I wanted something more convincing. I don’t need anybody to tell me that man’s incursions into desert is unsustainable given such models as Las Vegas, but my gut feeling is that a rocky hill-top above Dubrovnik that is currently used for two dozen goats and scrub, in a country with unlimited water could yield considerable benefits as a golf course; fiscal in terms of recreational potential and employment, but, dare I say it, environmental, in that a well managed golf course can provide varieties of habitats for diversification of species.

There is nothing intrinsically wrong with a polemic that presents evidence in a balanced way. This does not. In effect the conclusion it draws is Donald Trump is bad because.. he’s bad! It may be noble, it may even be ‘right’, but it is fundamentally unconvincing.

I would really love to know if those Scotsman awards were a stitch up. It has happened before.

Enemy Of The State

I drank a bottle of wine and watched this in bits and am sure I missed something How can surveillance cameras dolly around a target? Who did take the incriminating film? Is Will Smith actually The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air? Is Jon Voight ever not a politician?

Entourage

If you liked American Pie and have grown up two decades, you will love this. I didn't hate it, I thought it was a little ostentatious, somewhat amusing, but not particularly compelling, watching the second half a day or two after the first, as one might a TV program to fill in 45 minutes before you go to bed. Look, I'm NOT dissing it, I'm just spoilt (having just watched Machete ).

Equilibrium

The dystopian future feature film has to do something other than give humans false hope. I believe there is hope, but we will not, as a race, achieve salvation from a world that is never going to exist, where an underground of sympathetic free thinkers and revolutionaries is going to be populated with good guys against an oppressive regime which are bad guys bar one. Apart from that huge logical mistake in this film, it is just not that entertaining a watch. A good action scene is repeated three times in different lighting situations, and the bad dictator is just altogether too hackneyed, lacking any originality. When is somebody going to make a film where the bad guy is sweet and and the good guy a pain in the ass? Maybe I'm being to harsh, I know I'm spoilt for films, if you liked Brazil, you'll probably like this. It certainly was not a negative experience, especially with good food and a beer.

Fantastic Four (2005)

To review

Fantastic 4: Rise of The Silver Surfer

To review

Fletch

For me, the use of Harold Faltamyer's theme throughout encapsulates the reservations I have about this film. It has all been done better before. This was made the year after Beverly Hills Cop and though I didn't know that whilst I was watching it, I was constantly wondering weather or not it was meant to be a pastiche, I mean the music sounds like a piss-take of the former film's theme, Axel-F . If it is ironic it is delivered poorly. Chevvy Chase is just not that funny for me, his languid, careless 'audacity' just doesn't seem to sit well on a carachter who seems a little past his sell-by date. It's not to say I didn't enjoy it a little, but I think the writer's original reservations about the screeplay might be justified. It could have been a franchise, instead it's a slightly amusing glance at some of the naff things about 1985 and an unknown sequel.

Ghost Rider 2: Spirit Of Vengance

I can't remember if I watched this film to the end. I can't remember if I enjoyed it. It was a night in which I may rember saying "ah give it a six then".

Godzilla

A six, at the time of writing, makes me feel like I'm dissing this film, but hell no. Watched it in 3d and it is a spectacular film, but like Gravity, special effects alone do not make a great film.

I was quite happy that it didn't go for absolute household names in the actors (well they may be in some households, but me, I'm forgetful). Brian Cranston does a really good turn, and apart from Ken Watanabe (who seems to be on sedatives the whole film, probably not his fault), the entire cast do what they have to do, and that is be in awe.

So all in all a great cinema experience, but a bit like watching a trick golf show as opposed to the last round of the Masters

Gravity

At 3/1 for the best film Oscar this should have to be special on multiple levels. It is special on many levels, for example, Sandra Bullock and George Clooney nail Sandra Bullock and George Clooney performances, which are endearing, comfortable, witty, yadda yadda yadda. The Cinematography, along with the sound is like wow!! Breathtaking (Note to self, go and watch it in 3d).
Getting finicky about geography and physics is anal, fundamentally we go and watch a film for characters and story so...
Spoiler Alert
It is the Poseidon Adventure in reverse, a collection of vignettes involving the protagonist(s) moving through a succession of frying pans and fires and 'finding themselves' along the way. It is not as corny and Sandra Bullock has a million times better ass than Gene Hackman though. If I were a chick I would definitely be gay for that (Bullock, not Hackman).
Am I missing something here?.

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

To review

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

To review

Hero

You know I could get kind of tired of watching this kind of film. Although exquisitely rendered, and with interesting characters, the story seems a little hackneyed If you have seen Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, you have seen the best bits of this film. Please tell me I have not missed something here! If this film's slow motion had been real time it would have lasted 30 minutes. I think you have to be very much of a mindset to appreciate films like this, which are undoubtedly quite beautiful. I am sure IMAX would bring out the best in this, but when push comes to shove, the story is leaden, and the protagonists predictable. I could imagine this being an absolutely wonderful wall hanging, but don't expect to be stunned by plot twists. It is magnificent to look at though.

Hitman; Agent 47

Did I enjoy 50 shades more than this? Yes I did. I am looking back on it quite fondly, and a 6 seems a bit low, but I am not allowed to change it. I think it is the Last Man Standing indestructability of the protagonists which detracts from the plot. I mean, you are not left thinking that a piano is going to fall on them. Poor old Mance Raider :(.

Home Front

Sweet. A variation on the 'Man with No Name', 'quiet stranger', loving father – look, you could write the script, but you didn't, Sylvester Stallone did, and like Cop Land he has made just a great film to watch.

The Hunger Games: 1

A re-watch prior to Mockingjay part 1, The film is interesting enough apart from it just seems to constantly break the rules of its own universe, I mean two arrows then all go to sleep??? Come on. I actually liked it better this time round but some of the things they do are plum ridiculous. I think the fire and the dogs would really piss off some of the punters in capital city who had wagered 48 groats on Katniss success, but ... Here are four parcels which some of you really neeeeed. Oh PS in case you forgot you are trying to kill each other. How sporting of the contestants just to risk life getting their own bag given that as far as we know the other bags were critical to their rivals and could have been easily snatched for little extra risk. Etc.. Fucking barmy.

I Origins

Oh really? Well filmed, interesting story which kind of goes nowhere after a while, the dramatis personae are engaging but I was just left thinking that this was a religious film pretending not to be, like a friendly evangelist who leaves you feeling disappointed because its fundamental premise and subsequent conclusions are appealing to believers yet fundamentally repetitive and absolutely flimsy in their assumptions and proofs.

One of the finest books I have read is In The Blink Of An Eye (Andrew Parker, 2003) and it touches, in fact trumps this film by a factor of magnitude close to infinity! God people are annoying, God people pretending they are not are downright dangerous. Agnostics giving hokum credit because it cannot be disproved are subscribing to the most common fallacy trotted out in the sometimes impressive but fundamentally insubstansive Religious arsenal; the celestial teapot. If one believes a teapot orbits the Sun somewhere in space between the Earth and Mars, it is nonsensical to expect others to believe the same on the grounds that they cannot prove one wrong.

It goes back to the first film I watched today, What We Did On Our Holiday Lying.

America's Prince: The John F. Kennedy Jr. Story

One of those made for TV biopics that is satisfying enough in terms of historical content (I hope) and not such a total hagiography. I must look to see how much this film cost to make. Enjoyable, but I'm spoilt nowadays.

The Karen Carpenter Story

Like Saving Mr Banks, the makers of this film had a great soundtrack to work with. As a music fan it didn't tell me a great deal of what I didn't already know, but I would certainly recommend it to any music loving kids who want an insight into what was, for me, the greatest white female voice in my lifetime so far.
You never know how much is glossed over with these films, but I imagine that this goes just far enough without being judgemental, Unlike The Grace Kelly story which doesn't go far enough.

Lawrence Of Arabia

Too gay, superb theme

Maze Runner: The Scorch Trials

If you said to me "Tell us what Maze Runner 1 and 2 are about" I don't think I could talk for more than 30 seconds. In it's defence, I suspect there may be a complexity which has by-passed me, but somebody will have to bail me out if that is the case. This second instalment left me thinking I will watch the third for the sake of completion, whilst Mockingjay has left me really looking forward to the last part of Hunger Games . There's the rub.

Memento

The six I gave this film, I have little doubt, does not reflect its merit. It tries to tell you I enjoyed the film, but not as much as Lets Be Cops . I am sure it demands another watch, or even one of the edited versions that puts the timeline conventionally. Don't in fact, read this review 'cos it won't tell you anything. Apart from perhaps I'm a bit dim on non linear narratives (I didn't like Pulp Fiction when I first saw it!!!.

No Escape

If Gravity was an inverted version of The Poseidon Adventure, then this was the lateral version. Spoiler alert: here is a good idea for a screenplay:

Of Mice and Men

To review

Once Upon A Time In America

If asked to define the term "sprawling epic" this film was made to do just that. I watched it over three sittings, and I can't even remember Joe Pesci being in it. I presume it needs watching again. Philospophically, allthough gangsters are easy to like (Sopranos), there is a bit of me which wishes we could rise above it, and realise that the pen pushers and traffic wardens are probably much better people to have around.

Paper Towns

Weirdly not totally convincing teen bro/romance which didn't quite hang together but was fairly easy on the eye. It would be interesting to hear the point of view of someone who likes this stuff. .

Phone Booth

Reasonable concept, reasonable characters but just a little too implausible to hook me in. I quite like Colin Farrell in this, and Whitaker was preparing himself for the Shield with this role, but all the time you want to say, just go for it, nobody is that good a shot.

Pineapple Express

To review

Plastic

The Lavender Hill Mob and the Ladykillers are better caper movies. I mean this was OK but just a little err... A little unimaginative? Was it a true story? One minute.... Supposedly. Theon Greyjoy you are truly lost now.

The Producers

Watch this once if only for Springtime For Hitler . Over the top and potracted comedy, very much of its age.

Ricochet

Well, with a plate of nacho's and a gin and tonic this makes for a nice, non-challenging Saturday night. Intresting watching a pre-oscar Denzel Washington looking buff, and John Lithgow doing what John Lithgow does in his psycopath hat. Don't look for plot continuity, crediblity or philosophy in this film. Help yourself to polarisation of characters and 'action'at Yiou know it's a nice thing about films that so many of them turn out to be so entertaining. When I compare this too another film which springs to mind The Edge it differs in that it does not take itself too seriously, consequently works within its own 'cartoon' universe. It says 'look, we know you know, therefore we are not insulting your intelligence, just fill your face and enjoy'.

Stagecoach

To review

Star Trek: Nemesis

From memory. I have no memory!

Tideland

I guess I am the viewer who " just won't know what to think about it Would I rather have watched this than not watched it? Definitely. Is it thought provoking? My thoughts are provoked. Did I enjoy it? Not really.

What a wierd, disturbing film, it is the kind of thing which I can't wait to talk about with somebody. Like The Fall This gives a yound girl's perspective on the fucked up world we live in by imagining her imagination. The girl in this is truly brilliant but her world is well and truly fucked up... Damn. Like many disturbing films, I am positive that if I was judging it on merit as opposed to personal enjoyment this would rate Much higher. Just how accurate is it as an insight into a human mind? Damn damn damn!.

A Walk In The Woods

So much more of a watch than Wild, this didn't suck half as much as it could have done. I suppose, when all's said and done, Billy Bryson is an entertaining bloke.

X-Men 2

I am going to have to watch these again and again to learn who does what and what they are called. I probably have given this a six more out of optimism and love of Julia and Dave rather than I actually understood it. I will get there eventually!.

Bull Durham

Given this rates so highly in the IMDB Kevin Costner list it ended up being a bit of a let down. For me it is not in his top three baseball films, let alone the full cannon. It had its amusement quotient, the cast were reasonable, but I'm sorry, I didn't like the Susan Sarandon part and I hardly found it believable. Tim Robbins was half way to The Hudsucker Proxy, and Costner was overlapping a little into the red on the too good to be true scale. The last 25 minutes was truly tedious, but I am reliably informed that this is what gets the women's vote to pump it up the lists. My advice is, if you want a baseball film watch Moneyball and Field Of Dreams. Skip the last half hour on this, apart from the new haircut Tim Robbins interview that lasts perhaps a minute.

Given everybody else's love of this film it plumps fairly and squarely into the 'What do I know?' bracket.

Eyes of Laura Mars

Fantastical, dated, unintentionally funny, it kind of held my attention for the duration, but it was a frowner in that you are constantly thinking is this a fantasy, or is it meant to be the real world, and ... Look, the 6 .1 I gave it means I enjoyed it, but I think I am getting picky nowadays. Funny watching Odo, Grima Wormtongue, and young Warden Dwight McCloskey even though Faye Dunaway's almost constant state of shock got annoying.

When Harry Met Sally...

For a film which isn't my cup of tea, in that it's emphasis is on the romantic rather than the comedy, I enjoyed this film, but... I am not a fan of FaceBook funnies and feelings, it annoys me how the most inane posts get loads of likes, yet well researched and well written critiques generate no support in the face of idiocy. In a way I guess this film panders to the feel good, 'look at me aren't I worldly? ' insularism that runs as a thread through most people's inoculation to reality. So it's no Compliance . It isn't, in fact, even a Working Girl in that it's a fairly short story that is padded out, and it is equally escapist but pretends to be reality. Now, all that's out of the way, it is reasonably funny, and the characters sufficiently interesting. The pinnacle of the film, for me, is Billy Crystal's acting performance. That is not to say I like Harry, it is to say that I imagine that the reaction involved watching his transition through the film is exactly what the makers were aiming at. The kind of thing Chevy Chase might aim at but not hit.

I could quite easily see this making a person's 500 films to see list, then again, Friends makes loads of people's best 10 TV programs...

I re watched it, and. of course, the only scene I remotely remembered was the diner “” scene. I was loading this list up thinking “Please don’t tell me I have reviewed this already and voila! Damn! Having said that I can see the truth in my first review above, so I’m leaving it. I was going to give it 5.3, but my 58 year old self gave it a 7, so we will split the difference. I couldn’t get to sleep!

Copycat

Watch Silence of The Lambs first. It wasn’t a particularly ground breaking film, but I saw it through and chewed visual gum for my last evening in Hitchin. Psycho films have to be something special, and I know they are not particularly my bag. If you like them, give it a shot!

Kenneth Williams: Fantabulosa!

As always, Michael Sheen is immense. From a history perspective this BBC ‘play’ is illuminating. But what a thoroughly uncomfortable watch. I have never once found Kenneth Williams funny, and this film perhaps has shed some light upon that. Ew! An 80 minute sermon of tragedy, summed up by his last diary line: "Oh, what's the bloody point?". A barrel of affectation, duplicity, false morality, cognitive dissonance and nothing, IMHO, funny. And that’s from the rest of the ensemble! Perhaps Andy De Emmony has done a fantastic job, I think he did.

I compared this too Mr Burton; Richard Burton had talent. Some people think Kenneth Williams did. I just don’t see it. But, what I really want to explore is the bonds between this and Joker, which I re-watched two days ago. Stellar performance from a lead actor who lost a couple of stones. ‘Comic’ protagonist who feels failure. Insanity. Unhealthy mother son relationship. Non existent father relationship. Mannerisms. Cutaways to scenes in the protagonist’s mind which are difficult to differentiate from the in-universe reality. It’s the same film. Except this is biographical. Meh – whatever!

Swan Lake

Look, I didn't hate it. Ballet must push some people's buttons but not mine. Opera likewise. I ponder that it may because Opera North and Northern Ballet are not hungry? It doesn't matter what they do, they will always get paid. I can't help thinking the funding they get would be much better spent on local rep, because theatre is truly wonderful, but these productions, though magnificent, lack va va voom. On this particular show, it started beautifully, but after five minutes seemed to gring down to a few scenes extended to encompass showing off. Like Julia said, " A fire-eater might be brilliant, but two hours would be just tedious. Oh, I don't know. - I was glad I went

After Earth

A trip into self-indulgence, I found the unintentional nuttiness, just palatable enough to watch it, Jaden Smith and his Dad never quite sucked 100% (they got close occasionally), the film falls squarely into the Shaymalalalalan timeline, and, well, that's it!

The Divergent Series: Allegiant

Not my cup of tea. It kept me awake, but exactly like the last Maze Runner I watched, I can't really pin down what is happening in the series. I mean there was plenty to look at, and nothing so cringing as to make me want to leave early, but i think a world populated by 16-27 year olds with a smattering of kids and the isolated oldie for wisdom or hate would have more appeal to a world populated by 12-21 year olds etc etc.

A Dog’s Way Home

“The film follows a dog named Bella (voiced by Howard and acted by Shelby) who travels more than 400 miles to find her owner” That’s the strapline from Wikipedia. Is there anything else you need to know? I don’t care I’m gonna tell you anyway. My average rating for 33 films over the last month has been a smidge over 8. This scored a 9.9 on cuteness, but I have a dog worth 10 right next to me in the flesh (Raffey), you could write the story, you have seen the story and so: good film shaping up for a 6.something. After 20 minutes I thought I’d take a gamble on another film, and it was a well-measured decision (See The Highwaymen).

Ice Age 5: Collision Course

I would love Martin Pampel to watch this and highlight all the references/rip offs, from Chuck Jones Road Runners. That is a compliment, the gag timing was excellent. Apart from that it had the audience giggling, if not even guffawing, and I found it kind of watchable. I would suggest that unashamed lack of science is a more noble aspect of filming than pretence to it (I am thinking of The Good Dinosaur here), and although i find these things sometimes irksomely cutie, I think that may be my cynicism, I mean, there are only so many tricks in the storyteller's bag, and I guess one might become inured to some of them. There are plenty worse films for you to take your kids to see.

The Jane Austen Book Club

Cannot really judge this as I gave it half an hour and thought 'no'. I don't know Jane Austin and it looked to be all females and I think it wqs meant to be funny, but I'll leave the review to somebody else. Watched Erin Brockovich instead. Good call!.

Jumper

It could have been a lot worse. I actually sat on the couch being moderately entertained and wondering “where is this going?” If you ask me where it went 12 hours later I can honestly say I don’t know, but a bottle of white wine for anaesthetic dulled my critical perceptions. It is one of those Jamie and The Magic Torch Movies, like is our world but then somebody gets an awesome super power and explores what we all might do if we were granted it for a wish. I’m sorry, but most 23 year olds would spend some of the riches they had filched on classy hookers, which I guess makes him such a nice guy. All clean cut and loyal, robbing from the rich to.. keep.

Americans…. Post Teens…. Flakes…. Ah well, it wasn’t gurl powa.

The Legend Of Zorro

I was surprised at how much I enjoyed Antonio Banderas's portrayal of the swashbuckling hero, with the over the top stunts and emotion, he was funny and intresting. Then came the story, which was predictable but bearable all the same. Then came Cathryn Zeta Jones who, forgive me, 'cos she might be a perfectly sweet person, just doesn't do it for me. Like some tart reading the football scores at 5 o'clock on a Saturday I find this kind of token false empowerment a complete turn off. It was OK, but that's as far as I'm prepared to go with this.

Sacro GRA

This time in a fortnight I will be within the confines of the GRA, the Grande Raccordo Anulare, the Rome ring-road. It was awarded the Golden Lion at Venice. Wow! What could go wrong? Quite frankly I just didn't get it. It was like a fly on the wall documentary of people who live in Rome in the early 21st century, and as such it was moderately interesting. But that's all. I'd rather watch snow leopards! If you wish to watch an arty critique of mankind's relationship with his surroundings dig out something from 35 years ago and watch the life changing Koyaanisqatsi. If you want the kind of candid, motorway/urban exploration of motive but with a stronger narrative thread and a very compelling protagonist watch the utterly brilliant Locke (honest, it feels like it was shot by the same crew!).

In it's favour this film did have a somewhat hypnotic endearment about it, but, once distracted, I read the other reviews and realised I wouldn't miss much by by-passing the last 30 minutes.

The Virgin Soldiers

Like Kes This has been a film that has been around all my life without me seeing it, and I'm not unhappy that I filled in the gap. I wouldn't say it's a must see, but it'll while away an afternoon, seeing who you can spot in it (My favourite was Lord Melbury from Fawlty Towers ).

American Graffiti

From memory. I know that I thought this was kind of Dated, a bit David Copperfieldish. I thought there is no way that a hot rodder would be so chivalrous. Or was that The Last Picture show? Did I write about it and have it taken away by the police and destroyed?

Beautiful Creatures

This is a bit like watching a condensed version of True Blood . Very American teen, a little bit too self righteous, nevertheless a well put together piece of evening distraction which I enjoyed watching, not least because of an A list supporting cast!.

Fantastic Beasts And Where To Find Them

The J.K. Rowling backlash starts right here, but it should have started a long time ago. J.K. Rowling is a wonderful story teller, absolutely. . But...

How do you measure excellence in the arts? Well, there's the rub, because there is no quantitative measure, it's all generally subjective, so basically within science 2+2 make 4, and Mt Everest is just over 8,000 metres high, but really the only number we can put on a Jackson Pollack painting is how much somebody will pay for it, the only number we can put on a film is how many people go to see it.

Without doubt zeitgeist, the emotions of one's contemporaries effects perceptions - why the hell do you think they put laugh tracks on TV programs?, what is advertising? What I am saying is we all 'go with the flow' Some perhaps more than others, but generally we just can't help smiling back if someone smiles at us.

To capture the public's imagination I would suggest that, in general, it really helps if an artist has some talent to start with. There are many artists with some, if not immense talent. For recognition beyond one's own village however, the most important ingredient (with exceptions) is luck. Luck may manifest itself in many ways, but often it might be being in the right place at the right time. Elvis Presley was good, but really, if it hadn't been him it would have been some other young white kid with a twinkle in his eye who could sing like a nigger. It certainly wouldn't have been a black kid. Elvis presented a persona who was not at all dangerous yet people could pretend he was. Far from threatening white America he stole swathes of alt culture and assimilated it for the benefit of the ruling clade. But I'd bet my bottom dollar he wasn't even the best singer in Tupelo.

So back to J.K. Rowling. Quarter of a century ago she wrote The Philosopher's Stone. It was a great read. It was funny, imaginative, eminently 'readable', sufficiently complex to delight without being to obtuse to alienate, It had a character for everybody, It could be picked up and put down easily, would fit in a reasonable pocket, the goodies and baddies had recognizable demarcation, yet leaving just enough ambiguity in some, and it took the standard tried and tested trope of David and Goliath and ran with it quite exquisitely.

Over her first three books Harry Potter became a global phenomenon, Elvis had competition, Rowling, was the kids, if not total, literature market, and you know what? Good for her, 'cos those three books kept up the pace. The Prisoner of Azkaban nailed it.

Now I delve into hypothesis. By the time of her fourth book Rowling was the absolute golden egg. She could do what she wanted. And I suggest what she wanted was greater editorial control, i.e. more of her writing left in, and, whereas the first three books would have had considerable editorial input, from professionals with vast experience in pruning work to present a more marketable product, by the time we get to Goblet of Fire, J.K Rowling, in addition to her undoubted talent had two more things going for her, the absolute undivided devotion of millions of fans (sources of revenue) and the consequent level of control over her work. And like any artist she was unlikely to think that her work could be improved by a mere muggle. Consequently the subsequent books became much larger, and, at least for me, a little unwieldy, because hell, she could do what she wanted. I'm not saying they were bad books, I'm saying that there will have been people at Bloomsbury secretly wishing, but NEVER admitting that they could perhaps just miss out a little bit here or fix a bit of continuity there.

And then the film series..

And now Fantastic Beasts... It is one of the most expensive 60 films ever made, and it is, in effect a $180,000 dollar vanity project. Oh hell, I know there is a demand for it, and I'm not saying this is Ghostbusters 2016 or anything like that, I quite enjoyed it, but it is merely a moderate story populated by a cast that as individuals are sometimes interesting but more often padding for those that are. Newt Scamander is frankly boring, and the whole lingo/naming thing just seems a little trite. Granted the special effects are truly special, but give me Colin Farrell sitting on a Belgian bench with Brendan Gleeson any day over him watching some ball of smoke trashing entire avenues of New York.

Fundamentally, in Harry Potter, we had personalities driving the stories. In this it is .. magic! That is not meant to be a compliment, it is a moan that the whole shebang seems like ""I know, let's put something here that is .. magic!, just wave a wand and .. say "smoothinox fluffyflora" .. and kapow .. oh golly .. wide eyed wonderment .. cute critter ... yawn.

Guess you've got to go and watch it, but if you know J.K. Rowling stop sucking up to her so much. She's great, but so are lots of people around her.

Limitless

If you have nothing else to do... The cutting wears thin, and the reliance on a single plot device means that it stretches a bit for a lot of its length. There's nothing particularly wrong with it as a slab of vacous entertainment, Bradley Cooper is just right for the job, but seems a little smug, and the whole ethic is kinda questionable, but, hey ho, I sat through it without breaking anything. I may be alone, but I thought Lucydid the same thing a whole lot better. Jeeze it made nearly $134 million profit!.

The Man From Laramie

Very unfair of me to include this as I only watched perhaps 15 minutes of it. The film quality was terrible. This may have been a broadcast issue, but I'm still kind of Westerned out at the moment, and when the great James Stewart started getting all racist in the shop and the director agreed with him I made what I think, in retrospect, was the right call and watched Kick-Ass 2 instead. I probably would have enjoyed it had I stuck it out, but with all the stuff available nowadays...

Sleepy Hollow

I'm sure some people would really enjoy this film, but its not really my genre. Don't pay any attention to my rating, if you like Tim Burton, I'm sure you will like this.

Fifty Shades Of Grey

I’ve seen plenty worse films and fallen asleep during better ones. I am pretty sure that this may suffer from Frozen syndrome, i.e. lots of people who haven’t seen it will tell you it’s rubbish. It differs from Frozen in that it is not a cinematic masterpiece with a clutch of absolutely wonderful songs, nevertheless it is not that bad. I wouldn’t want to pay 12 quid to watch it, but I’m glad I went on my Unlimited card, not just to assuage my curiosity, but I also I enjoyed it!

SPOILER ALERT: The thing is, it works in its own scheme, and it is a story which has been told a million times before, in that a reasonably hot, but fundamentally unextraordinary, chick has relationship with a chap who just happens to be “The World’s most eligible bachelor”. It also happens that he apparently goes to work but doesn’t do anything when he is there. Of the two central characters I found that he was the most interesting one by miles, but I think that’s the way it was meant to be. Good choices on Thomas Hardy as book choice and I’m on Fire as background music, and yes, it does pose questions about stated and revealed preferences, and realistic ones at that. It is not ground breaking (fisting, both cunt and ass is off the agenda!), It is as clichéd as fuck at times, and some scenes had me reaching for the mobile to check my texts, nonetheless it is a reasonable story told reasonably well.

The audience was very much of a specific demographic (i.e. not like me). The car park would have been a dangerous place after the packed house for the first showing streamed out at 2:45

3 Days To Kill

This is a rare film in that it lurches between eminently watchable and then dire from scene to scene, from frame to frame. On the positive side is Kevin Costner's quasi comedic performance a reasonable story (I'm struggling now) and ... The negatives including the worst sound track ever ( I Love It, I Want To Make It With you ) and unbelievable threads like his bitchy little daughter learning to ride a bike in the worst place possible and a stupid stupid ubercool manipulative spy-master. Because she is a tart in high heels. And why didn't the Christmas present say (SPOILER ALERT) "there was never anything wrong with you, you dick". Whatever, I gave it the mark, I enjoyed it, but if every film was this moderate I wouldn't enjoy Cineworld enough to justify the ticket

After Hours

My first film alphabetically (as of September 2015). That doesn't tell you much, I guess I am avoiding confronting this, as it was recommended me by Jack Bennet, and I don't want to seem like a philistine. I am glad I watched it, nevertheless, it wasn't quite my tempo, in that although the characterisations were terrific, they had no real story to grow upon, I mean, SPOLIER ALERT how unlucky can a bloke be in an evening?, 'cos that is the premise. It isn't like one thing leads to another, the bad luck, although intertwined is just a set of inorganic incidents which play out against each other, not with each other.

There, I've gone and told you why I haven't given it a nine.

Perhaps humour, because of its innate irrationality, becomes a very personal thing, I mean, I hate Keith Lemon, and don't like Harry Hill or Russell Brand, even though they are all well loved and no doubt very talented (apart from Keith Lemon). Perhaps its because by trying to be 'hip' for its time it is dated now, the Village People stereotypes seemed a little patronising to me. Perhaps its because Martin Scorsese blows hot and cold for me; whatever, I enjoyed the film, but for dark comedy would go for In Bruges

Age of Heroes

Well I liked this. The paella was good, the wine more than adequate and I like Danny Dyer more than Mark Kermode, who seems to put a greater emphasis on packaging than content. To try and capture the soul of this film without giving spoilers away, it is just another heist movie, but without the comedy and set in World War II. If you like Sean Bean, you will like this film, if you don't well going and watch Walking on bleedin' Sunshine you vacuous moron. I actually reckon this was just the right film to watch at the time!

PS: This is actually based around the true story of the formation of Ian Fleming's 30th Commando regiment!

The Apartment

How foolish can two people be? Jack Lemmon is almost too good an actor, his timing and inflexion is so deliberate it leaves nothing to the imagination. Although some of this film kept the attention a lot of it was just too corny. The old days were great then though, when it was perfectly normal for geriatric blokes to go out with twenty somethings.

Bad Neighbours

Zac Efron WILL do an action movie soon, and he will be good at it. This is exactly what you would tip from Seth Rogan, and had some genuine Laugh Out Loud moments. Yeah – it was good. Watch it. But do not expect anything beyond the expected.

Battlefield Death Tales

I quite enjoyed the first segment of this three parter, it was more shlock than horror, and reasonably entertaining, the kind of film I would gladly sit through with a fan, but not one that I would watch for 90 minutes when there is still a list of 50 or so films on my hard drive to cross off. .

The Best Of Me

My goodness I had to take some deep swallows to sit through this one, but, you know, there was more good than bad about it. I reckon the male female ratio in the cinema on this particular Orange Wednesday was perhaps 1 to 20. The main man was just a bit too perfect, which no doubt explains the girly bias, and there were many excruciating (for me) glances, passages and scenes, nevertheless, it had its moments, it didn't resort to God, the plot took some surprising turns, the scenery was superb. And so yes, it gets a slight thumbs up. Not quite Labour Day, but worth the trip. Fuck I feel dorky on my own! Luke Bracey as young Dawson was very good.

The Boat That Rocked

Reasonably entertaining, but I must admit I found the foppish teen and the lack of factual continuity a little annoying, but that is just me. It could have been a TV series (Richard Curtis was the director) A good film for a UK/US connections.

Almost Famous (foppish Teen, Philip Seymour Hoffman) comes out 1.5 points in front as a piece of theatre about the music of our youth. It crosses over and is still relevant today, whereas TBTR is just a yarn.

Brazil

I didn't watch all this film. Again, not because it was a terrible film to sit through, just that I was tired, I thought I 'got it' and there would not be anything more to get. The running joke was done already in 1984, and I must admit, for its datedness, deliberate or accidental it had a degree of prescience in reflecting society. Perhaps any film that, SPOILER ALERT, illustrates the spectrum of human behaviours regarding adherence and application of authority (Repo Men, which I watched a couple of days ago was the same) does not require a sci-fi setting of a dark future, perhaps I should look into ancient literature which discusses the topic. I guess the longer such works have been around the more likely they are to get censored, especially if contemporaneously set and based on fact rather than fiction.

Chinatown

Couldn't quite get why this film is so accoladed. To be sure Jack Nicholson is awesome, but we have been spoilt by modern film and TV dramas, we really have. When films try to be 'modern' they date a little more quickly (Yeah, I know, this was set in the 30s, but the 'gritty realism' just seems a bit lame compared with The Wire ). I'd watch LA Confidential for this done better, but hell, watch it anyhoo.

Congo

Yes, I did turn it off after 25 minutes. I guess I would have had a right laugh watching it with Jake, but we would have been laughing at it, not with it. It was like take all the worst bits of the entire Jurassic Park franchise, condense them into one film and, I presume, swap the dinosaurs for Gorillas. Now in its favour, the naffest bits of Jurassic Park can be entertaining, as could this film, but not when one is alone and seeking enlightenment. I'm saying watch it if you want to get drunk and if there is nothing else around which grabs your fancy, there are plenty less entertaining films around

The Counsellor

Can't remember much about this for some reason, but I did enjoy it. That was a really lame review!

Double Indemnity

I watched this on 7th February 2014, eleven year ago, gave it a 6.5 and wrote “I always feel guilty giving old films relatively low ratings, but they do date. Yes this had great occasional dialogue, reasonable story, good, albeit somewhat falsified characters, but perhaps just as time wears on the film maker has more resources at their disposable, and old films have got to be something very special or, as in the case of Disneys, performed in a medium that is difficult to improve upon. Really, those sunglasses in the supermarket? Not in any universe.”

today I’ve upped it too a 7.2, but stand by that first review absolutely. To kind of back it up the old why didn’t he claim on the accident in the first place was so obvious, along with a lot of the other behaviours. The dialogue was that you might only hear on November nights in Gumtown, when the fog slides over the bay like the velvet glove of a hungry hooker – you get the picture. I know, I’m not Dashiell Hammett!

Driven To Kill

It seems weird given the time elapsed to give these Segal films the same mark or better than some Oscar winning movies. The thing is though, they are entertaining. Not particularly challenging, often laughably executed, unsurprising in outcome, nevertheless they are entertaining. Of the double header we had, Driven to Kill edges it, even though they have the same mark.

Dumb and Dumber

Jim Carey is too Jerry Lewis for my liking in this film, that certainly has it’s LOL moments but is hardly challenging. Bill and Ted and Stepbrothers do this so much better

Fantastic Four (2015)

Perhaps we have been spoiled by the last few Marvel outings. This never quite gets the humour of its immediate predecessors, it all seems a little 'make my monster grow'ish. Full of phrases like "His biometric scales are off the chart" the science is imaginative and the logic less than impeccable. This sounds like a diss piece, it is not, it is still worth a watch for free, I just wouldn't want to pay eight quid. This review is unsatisfactory. :(.

The Gambler

Another good turn from Marky Mark, in this he puts the lac in laconic. Like Wild, which I saw the same afternoon, I have to add that this was a GOOD film, a thoroughly enjoyable watch, top side of six and a half. What surprised me was I sat through three films and Wolf Hall, and never nodded once, which says something about how great movies are. I am sure I will look at other films on 7.5 and think WTF?

Last year about this time I mentioned how cool it was the Michel K Williams appeared as a bit part in 12 Years A Slave This year he is strong support. Next year co star, 2016 he will star. He is a great watch

The Shooter, The Fighter, The Gamber, The Happening ... Is there something going on here>

Guardians Of The Galaxy

I think this film may have caught me at the wrong time, in that I must have nodded off during parts of it. I kind of liked it but forgot most of it as well. The soundtrack thing didn't sit comfortably with me and I am ashamed cos my daughters love it. I s.

Home

Where do I start? I mean, this was a lovely watch, not entirely my cup of tea, but I would love to take Grace to see it (my two year old niece) in two year's time. I enjoyed Rihanna's contribution, as Tip, the heroine, and soundtrack. O (the alien protagonist) would have been better without me thinking of Sheldon Cooper at his gayest all night. Loved some of the homages, I may be wrong but “A bit of a fixer upper” was a direct lift from Frozen, the musical motif was the six note riff from Tomorrow (from Annie ) and really, was there a nod to the Ultimate Dog Tease?.

The Hundred Foot Journey

After watching Pride a couple of hours earlier I was still high and in no real position to judge this objectively. I enjoyed it, but was it because I was in a super mood and pliable to all cinematic suggestion? It may have been you know, because objectively it was a nice story, amusing in places amidst scenery that was too lovely, yet... I dunno. 6.5 still says 'good film', it'll be interesting to compare this to Chef that comes out in a couple of days.

Iron Man

Enjoyable in a Marvel way. I went back to this to review it, I suppose to compare it with CA TWS, and for kind of the same story, the latter film does it better. All four main characters tend to grate just a little bit. Not enough to stop one enjoying the movie, just enough to imagine there is just too much smugness floating round to allow immersion and identification.

James Bond 19; The World Is Not Enough

How long has it taken me to watch this film? Well I'm glad I did. Don't expect anything but ridiculous innuendo and overtime for stuntmen as Piers defeats an absolutely potty Kasak Megalomaniac super-villain who aims to further his ends in the most ridiculously inefficient, convoluted and entertaing way imaginable.

The Lost World: Jurassic Park

To Review

The Keeper

Part of a Segal double header, I had forgotten the name of both of them within the few days that have elapsed, yet I could kind of watch these with a friend most nights.

Knowing

One of those tape it 'cos Nick Cage should be good for a few moments films, and sure enough he is. There were genuinely times during this that piqued my fear button, albeit exceedingly briefly, and it didn't quite clear the hurdle of suspension of disbelief, nevertheless I enjoyed it, so what?.

Last Man Standing

A critically poorly recieved film, I can praise some aspects of it, but feel that it is implausibility of it all that dissapointed me more than the technical aspects (music, acting, and cinematography were all pretty awesome). An all star cast replicate the story of A Fistfull Of Dollars with the added bonus that the hero is actually indestructable and, bar one which hits him in the lower off-stomach towards the end of the film, is to all intents and purposes, bullet-proof. It just doesn't wash, so by half way through you come to realise there is not a great deal of shock to look forward to.

Intresting cast in that Walter Hill uses David Patrick Kelly in a pretty similar role to The Warriors and that the overarching feel of Deadwood has to be because of the directorial connection, along with Dern and Sanderson, who is eminently recognisable.

The Lego Movie

This turned out better than I would have expected. I feel I should have given it more than 6.5, nevertheless I nodded off during it, I think due more to tiredness (had just watched The Monuments Men and had a foot long, than lack of interest. A whole heap of cross references that I am sure I missed, and a believable premise. I am not sure how much was CGI and how much was stop-go, but it was quite magnificent, the cinematography, as it were. Almost too intense a visual assault, but definitely worth a watch and a credible movie for adults.

Mary Queen of Scots

OK. I’ve seen it before, but it is from that tranche of films I watched between 2018 and 2024 where I never wrote anything down, so I’m not going to sit through it again. When I went to tidy up the kitchen after 20 minutes it was heading for a 6.5, and, whereas Braveheart makes no pretensions to reality, this pretends to be more in keeping with history – it is not, so I don’t feel like I’m learning anything, and I’m not particularly entertained.

Monsters; Dark Continent

This might just be a better film than I imagined. It was not the roaring, explosion filled, monster fest I anticipated, although it did not lack for monsters and roaring and explosions. It had the feel of American Sniper meets The Day After Tomorrow on 8 mile and, has left me wondering was it an anti-war film. I think it was. SPOILER ALERT: If you want monster action you WILL be disappointed. If a film makes you think about it afterwards, that may indicate that it has merits unrealised. Mmmm....

I was going to say it had a lot of Godzilla about it and damn, Gareth Edwards was Executive Producer.

I should have realised and articulated this prior to going to the discussions, but say you took every monster out and replaced them with, say, camels, it would have made no material difference to the film.

Peggy Sue Got Married

Hard to go wrong with temporal displacement films even when they are done by non geeky people who understand the paradoxes that might be set up. Unusually I watched this over the same weekend as La Bamba (they are set in the same era).

Percy Jackson & The Olympians: The Lightning Thief

Was this just more fun than Hunger Games ?
Absolutely stellar cast, one of the lads in my tutor class at Plymouth said it was his favourite film, and I've been meaning to watch it ever since. Would I rather watch this than Gravity ? Yes I would!!.

Perfect Stranger

This just managed to keep me hanging on until three quarters of the way through I was quite intrested in, and satidfied by, The resolution. There are plenty of better films kicking about but I wasn't kicking myself about watching this. Good idea filming three different endings!.

The Planet Of The Apes 1; Rise Of

I should have loved this, but having just watched Life with David Attenborough on BBC talking about Chimp Hierarchies, this still seems unconvincing in visual terms (You can tell that although they are good they are not real apes, it fails in its own Universe as I don't care how powerful the drug is, you can't learn Dick unless you are taught it somehow, and finally it fails in that the Bonobo is the bad guy. Huh?.

Rampart

Here is a Freebie. If you want Woody Harelson watch Natural Born Killers, If you want a reflection on policing in LA watch the entirety of The Shield, If you want a night in watching a film I guess this'll do.

The Right Stuff

To review. It has to be more than a 6.5

The Riot Club

I imagine that the cast in this will go on to greater things, (I recognised Ben Schnetzer from Pride and a few of the others set bells ringing), but that's nothing to do with assesing this film.

I can't say it was thoroughly enjoyable, the characters were largely far too repulsive for that, but I reckon it was quite an excellent pitch at describing priveleged young men, in that some, without doubt, are disarmingly talented and charming whilst others are complete dicks. I also like the angle that this doesn't end good for general welfare. It would have been intresting to see if the landlord's daughter accepted the £27,000. Watch it and you will see what I mean. Go see, in fact double it up with Pride and be proud of British film making, if not quite proud of some aspects of humanity.

Secretariat

Good quiz background film, Malkovich is no longer mal, With of good story like this it must be tough to actually make a bad film of it, so this is a nice evening in.

Shaun The Sheep Movie

I loved the backgrounds on this. It was just like the land of my life, Yorkshire, the dales, the buses, the walls, the roads, Leeds/Manchester, the shops, the people. If the story had been a quarter of the scenery this would have been a great film. As it turns out it was a pleasant enough watch, perhaps not quite what I would pay £8 for, at least not when Kingsman or The Interview were on next door, but still pleasant enough with the old Unlimited card.

Son Of A Gun

One of those films that are a jolly good watch, kind of semi predictable, a wee bit of head scratching as to peoples motive's, why did the girl like the boy, why did the King Con like the lad, where were the Australian Air Force?.. but not the total turn off it could have been. I'm still trying to figure out if these were good guys or bad guys.

Star Wars 1: The Phantom Menace

Few films conflict me as much as this. Liam Neeson is awesome, the universe is the best, and generally there is a lot going on but.. Jar Jar Binks has to be the worst carachter ever developed for such a prominent franchise. Am I missing something here? I absolutely love racist humour, but only when it's funny. There has not been such an unconvincing, and more importantly, unentertaining racial stereotype since Breakfast At Tiffany's To boot, young Anakin and his mum are NOT convincing.

I suppose the film is worth the watch, especially in the light of the cultural significance of what is to follow, and I am glad I did (watch it).

Suspect

I suppose I watched this for Liam Neeson, but Cher wasn't half bad in it. I just enjoyed it, even though I can't remember the title!.

Swearnet: The Movie

I feel I should mark this higher for loyalty's sake, but I must try to be impartial. I love Trailer Park Boys, and this would have always struggled to keep up with that high standard. It is more of the same, with a good denoument, and a film which is an enjoyable watch, but you just can't help comparing it to its origins. If you are a fan you will like it.

The Third Man

Here I go saying an absolute classic wasn't that entertaining. It just wasn't, the set up was not believable, the dialogue and behaviour dated. The sets not particularly imaginative (OK it was 1949) and the music, though instantly identifiable, didn't quite fit, at least for me. Still worth a watch.

P.S. OMG - " It is considered one of the greatest films of all time, celebrated for its atmospheric cinematography, performances, and musical score " !!!.

Touch The Top Of The World

In the same vein as Touching The Void without the level of drama and production qualities, and a little bit more backstory on the protagonist which is a little David Copperfield ish, in that it becomes a little overbearing to watch a hagiography. I think a plot summary would not be out of place so basically; it is the story of Erik Weihenmayer, the first blind person to climb Everest.

Transformers

Great start, but I realise why I can't remember much about me watching it first time; The last hour is devoid of story, and because it is CGI it is just a (SPOILER ALERT) boring fight during which I drifted between sleep and consciousness to see a Bay-fest of impact smashes and explosions.

Under The Skin

Much of this film was impressive, Scarlett Johannsen conveys such perfect sexuality, I could very easily identify with the men she met. Those men were largely duped into the scenes being filmed by hidden cameras which is definitely worth watching. The film, however, failed to maintain my intrest throughout, in that we did kind of have the same scene four or five times, and given the sparsity of dialogue (13 minutes before the first words) I was becoming bored waiting for development. As a story concept it is terrific, but it is almost analogous to human emotion changes. If the cinematagraphy was meant to make Scotland look bleak, poor, cold and depressing it was terrific. The cast, given they were Johannseen and a bunch of non-luvvies were awesome. It could still have been a one hour Tales of the Unexpected .

Vanilla Sky

Writing this before I've finished the film, but I can't wait to do so. Tom Cruise Sci Fi gets better as the years wear on. (see The Edge of Tomorrow .

Veep

Lots of plaudits from the industry, but Parks and Recreation does it so much better for me. I may continue these at some time to see if it develops, but whilst I have over 100 American Offices to watch, I am spoilt for choice, so this has to go on the back burner after a couple of episodes

Westworld

Without refering to it immediately, I do believe this is what is termed a 'cult-classic' and I can understand why. 1973, and like Star Trek TOS, the science fiction seems incredibly naieve. I am sure that any reasonable scientist would have told you that if you can create perfectly life-like androids, you would not be using tape for data storage and use! The film itself seemed to try to vewre into comedy in some parts without being succesfull, and it really is a relic of The Hayes code with its treatment of sex as something very naughty instead of just fucking normal. All that aside it was reasonably enjoyable and I am glad I watched it and its Blazing Saddles meets the Posiedon Adventure/2001 naffness! Apart from Yul Brenner (who is dead) where are they all now?

BTW it is Jurrasic Park but not!.

Wild

Six and a half is good. Reese Witherspoon was adequate, as was Lara Dern, but as Oscar Nominees they did't make me punch the air in triumph when they had their moments. The thing is, it's not too much of a story:

SPOILER ALERT. Nice chick goes on a 1200 mile hike up the American Rockies, sees a snake in the desert, a coyote in the woods, wasn't well prepared but flutters her eyelashes for any amount of help. She feels threatened (multiple times) but never actually was harmed by any animals or humans. Like me when I go to Neil Aspland's house to talk to him, and they call the police. Mountains and Molehills. Why is the tone of this review far less positive than the other 6.5 I saw today, The Gambler ? Cos Mark Wahlberg is not gonna be nominated for any Oscars.

To get things straight, I still enjoyed it

Jaws

I actually may have been influenced to up my score by the AFI 100 films list which has this mid table. It doesn’t seem to know if its a comedy or a thriller or a horror, and ends up being a let’s see what all the fuss is about. I know I’ve seen it before, there is probably a review here already, but.. I actually can’t remember it being that brilliant even then. Robert Shaw seemed like he’d come straight off the skiff taking him down the River Thames in A Man For All Seasons as Henry 8th.

Now You See Me 2

Stellar cast perform a somewhat eyebrow cocking heist movie. I am vexed by the fact that magical trickery is just not a medium for film. I mean, it would be impressive it were live, but this left me thinking "Oh they've done that in the edit suite". There is also a lot of me thinks that if I were celebrating the launch of a mobile phone or New Year's Eve in London, I would not have quite the level of enthusiasm depicted my the thousands of people in the film for my occasions being gatecrashed by some very good club turns.

Whatever, I suppose it'll do if you like Daniel Radcliffe. .

The Purge: Election Year

I think that this film, as of writing, is the most enjoyable one I have ever walked out of. When one has a tight schedule and is aching for a Subway, something has to give, and today it was the last 50 minutes of this. It's not my cup of tea and given that the whole premise is quite piss-potical (like groups/villages/towns/cities, ergo countries would not organise mutual defence associations, ergo governments, beggars belief), once the bad-ass bitches came for whatever they wanted with a whole new kind of crazy, I just heard the honey-oat calling.

So if you liked the first you will like this, but make get your food and beer in advance.

Room

Well, it held my attention. This film has very competent aspects, notably Brie Larson is remarkably convincing, eliciting incredulity and curiosity from the viewer, I do believe deliberately. Having said that, she needs to be convincing, as one does scratch one's head at her character's seemingly cheap submission to her situation. I think there me a better film than my enjoyment quotient may indicate, and for me at least, it certainly became a more compelling a watch proportionate to the time watched .

Bicycle Thieves

The moment a film falls into a bracket slightly more convoluted than 'action' or 'rom-com' I feel some circumspection. This film is "Post-war Italian neorealism" and goodness, it has received high praise in some quarters. Look, I didn't hate it by a long chalk, and as a window into a Rome only a thousand kilometres away from Passport To Pimlico and even less from The Third Man, it works from a documentary perspective. That complete amateur actors carry it off on unclosed sets is not only admirable, but it actually works, in that any hamminess on their part is indistinguishable from that in other films from the same decade (I am thinking of How Green Was My Valley which cost ten times more and isn't anything like as convincing). As a bangs for bucks exercise ($80,000) it is an object lesson in film making, but, when it comes down to it, it is a clumsy toddler compared with its descendents, notably loads of films by the likes of Ken Loach. It stereotypes people, and whether 20,000 years BC or Walking on Sunshine, pigeonholing groups and individuals only works if it is comedy, or, at least, satire. (I do recognise the original thief though, from many encounters in my own life, the little bastard!). Worth the watch for the history, and the chance that you may agree with the cognoscenti.

Deepwater Horizon

Spoiler alert. A 60 minute explosion with 30 minutes to get to it. I would have loved to see this be a documentary. It hardly gets anything for story, it gets a bit for characters and a lot for action cinematography. I mean real respect for that, but

let's face it, we are all to blame. I counted 150 people leaving the theatre and I bet you I was the only one not using petrol to get home.

I Saw The Light

Tom Hiddlestone was really good, the film a little disappointing. I would have preferred to see more music biography and less music. It seemed a little like a hagiography. Shame really :(.

Jackie

I always maintain that a historical drama, biography or such like will always get an extra point, and, of course, why make an histircal drama unless the topic is fascinating. This film strikes me as pretty dull. Not only is it unspectacular it lives in the shadow of JFK and that is a damned long and dark shadow. I don't know how good Natalie Portman's interpretation was, but it makes Jaqueline Kennedy seem a litle retarded, Diana Spencerish. And it doesn't go anywhere. It was, in retrospect, lucky to get a 6.7, but I did, I suppose, learn maybe something from it. God knows what though! (NB Billy Cruddup is very watchable indeed).

Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again

So a seven has seemed to be the benchmark for a film that I have no doubts about as being well worth sitting through - don't get me wrong, 5 and above encompasses films of net merit, just that there are so many good movies nowadays that one cannot possibly watch them all, so one has to be more selective, after all, one might decline a perfectly good white wine if offered a gin and tonic?

So I sat through this being absolutely pummelled by cliché, colour, Abba singles which though seared into my psyche were never my go-too buys as a music fan, and Abba album tracks which were - mmm - not the choice I would have gone with, and, given my cynical nature a quite eye-rolling parade of Love Islandisms and fawning supplication to 'national treasures'. Cher, Meryl Streep, Julie Walters?? eww! It's the visual equivalent of daytime radio 2 at it's most unappealing, a sop to false nostalgia and mindless loyalty. I could not help thinking how much more the 'stars' were getting paid for lip synching, compared to all those wannabees who made the cut as extras and all those who didn't (make the cut) who have as much or more to offer than the actual 'stars'. Celebrity is really annoying, but I am sure we cannot begin to comprehend how truly it skews perception and reward.

And yet, I liked it. Richard Curtis is a talented writer who must knock out this stuff in his sleep, and for all the inane smiles and unimaginative pathos, it's a story that, like Cinderella, Tangled or Frozen, is a complete and utter fairy tale and should be regarded as such. I think that the .3 short of a 7 is my fear that many will subconsciously feel it is not. I should really relax a bit more.

Marcel the Shell with Shoes On

Some people are gonna love this film a lot more than I. A significant portion of the mark I have given it is for originality but I’ll cut to the quick. Marcel is not ‘adorable’ he has a cutesy voice that is becoming, and does have a cheerful philosophy, but the story is not particularly challenging, and the stop go animation is… I presume ultra time consuming to create. I felt a little short changed when the end credits began to roll and revealed it was a huge production as opposed to something that I thought was perhaps a genuine story but was absolute fabrication. I felt angry for them bigging up Apple, and Twitter, and AirBnB in those credits, and I am thinking now that I would rather watch any episode of Parks & Recreation. I’m glad I watched it, and given the accolades it has received many critics think it is the Bee’s Knees. But it’s not Paddington 2.

Mile 22

Saw this film four hours ago an am forgetting what happened already! I would talk about the action sequences, but there was only one and it lasted two hours! Like the Bourne films you have this hard as nails protagonist who… yadda yadda yadda. Ronda Rousey was GOOD! She didn't do any hand to hand combat, and I am absolutely sure is trying to carve herself a movie career - so far so good

Open Range

This was not badly put-together, but I'm confident that Dances With Wolves is the devil on its back. It seems that Costner has made a decision to do an out and out traditional cowboy story, wishing to put more emphasis on the action rather than the message, and though exquisitely located, with great actors doing an absolutely fine job, the story renders it to a technically solid, but fundamentally B, movie. It is so traditionally goodies and baddies that the very words 'spoiler alert' render further revelation unnecessary. There is no twist, no surprise, no tangential thread. Good guys, bad guys, woman, bloody revenge, I lurve you, the end. .

Project Hail Mary

Watch Passengers first. The Loughborough Odeon was cold. The reason it was cold and noisy was because air conditioning was on at about 12 degrees and 55 decibels, so it started out as an uncomfortable watch after being directed 200 m and three flights of stairs out of my way to go to the toilet. Hell, they should be Cineworld. I left after 45 minutes, but would watch it to the end if it were a better environment. Why the hell would they send the class clown on his own to save the universe and not leave him a handbook? Was it meant to be a comedy? Was there a kicker which made the rest of the film relevant and worth it. The dialogue was difficult to follow, I think I have been spoilt with subtitles

The Revenant

Unlike other films that are critically acclaimed that I dislike, this one feels quite different, in that if it walks away with a mountain of awards I would not be surprised in the least, specifically cinematography, actor and support were absolutely top notch. The thing is, it just didn't do it for me story-wise, a little bit like Gravity, it looked great but lacked the most important ingredient, an arc which kept me hooked in. Jake loved it. I can see that.

SPOILER ALERT: Now if DiCaprio had been a true revenant, that might have been something. Was he???.

The Secret Of Kells

Very beautiful I'm sure, with a lush soundtrack, An Oscar nomination in 2009 but IMHO this was never going to beat Up in any department. That is a little unfair in that Up Is one of my favourite films ever, and I know this film tries hard, but it just feels a bit two much like bohemian Irish grads called Siobhan and Declan have got a pot load of funding to make something arty, and they have not really grasped that any universe needs a logic within itself. I'm dissapointed with muself for not liking it more .

Storks

One of those films that puts me in two minds. Without doubt it had its moments, after all it is hard not to be moved by family and babies, nevertheless it had a deal of ancillary gawkiness or just plain annoyance about it. I have never seen a character as pointlessly irritating as the pigeon, which never even began to be funny or interesting and yes, I know it's 'just a kids film' but I really think a lot of this doesn't give credit to children's intelligence. Tulip, with her curly ginger hair and sassy attitude did remind me of Alex!.

The Witch

Nice, a 'horror' film which doesn't insult the intelligence too much. Some great acting, terrific dialogue, still all bullshit, but with a little bit of gravitas too it. This almost was a 'good film'; I could well understand it being described as such. Lisa Aryn's tits don't get as good roles as Lily James's.

Apocalypse Now

If this was one of the best movies ever made I would not be a cinema fan! Like Full Metal Jacket it has an awesome set-up, and some arresting and one truly great scene, but then deteriorates into a clock watching exposé of the 'horrors of war, which, to an old cynic like me, is more about the self indulgence and pious righteousness of the film-maker. I watched the 'redux' version which contains 45 minutes additional footage. Perhaps the original cut was not such a challenge, whatever, one aspect I picked up on was the music. It was almost jokey, like some early video game score with simple four track synth which actually sounds like a mid 70s synth. Whadya know - It was the director's dad.

Marlon Brando is the most overrated actor of all time. Like this film, I think a lot of people are scared to stand against the tide of praise of what is undoubtedly expensive, technically dense, but fundamentally unextraordinary experience when taken in total.

Cloud Atlas

I have been relatively torn what to write about this. On the surface it's a masterpiece, an incredibly broad, seemingly complex, and apparently thoughtful tableau, featuring great actors pushing the boundaries in an original, almost Gaimanesque surreality. But it boils down to enjoyment, and this films fascination was more in those surface ingredients than the story itself or any particular member of the Dramatis Personae. I was intrested in Sonmi~451, Adam Ewing, Lloyd Hooks and Vyvyan Ayrs, but given that these were only a relatively small portion of the gang it means, vicariously that for large swathes of the film the parts were, for me, relatively unengaging. Great actors playing great roles? I'm not sure, you see it was great actors, often in great make-up, but often they were playing themselves anyway (Broadbent, Grant), and Tom Hanks was a good example of doing a fair job under the prosthetics, but not a brilliant one. Actors are best when they mould the carachter. Goodness James D'arcy looks like Benedict Cumberbatch!

So.. have I missed something? Having read the Wachowski brothers filmography I am beginning to see a pattern. Like M Night Shaylaman they start with a great film (Matrix/Sixth Sense) and then never top it, so, we have V for Vendetta, and Jupiter Ascending, both of which I was distinctly underwhelmed about. It may just be not my cup of tea, it may be that I am thick, c'est magnifique, but it is not the stuff of standing ovations. .

Dead In Tombstone

Well it's not Machete, or Escape From .... In some ways it is better made than those films, yet allthough 'fun' in the same sense, it never quite gets out of slo-mo for long enough to have one really rooting for Danny Trejo or anybody else for that matter. It is, I guess, a film built around him, and uses stock lighting and exposure to get the atmosphere, really helped by a terrific soundtrack, and I imagine that if you like the genre, this will not disappoint. Funnier than it is engaging, and some may not find it funny. .

Hard To Kill

Did I enjoy this more than The Revenant ? Well yes, I did. Three days later I've already forgotten what happened, but I do remember saying to Jake that if Steven Segal's entrance involved him in a long black leather coat backlit in the dark striding towards the camera in slow motion I would not watch the film. He actually was wearing a short coat. He is damn hard to kill though. .

Hot Tub Time Machine

Some gross out humour, no attempt at reality, not fond of Chevy Chase, but I still might watch #2 with Adam Scott. I’m glad I’ve ticked it off the list and you never know, I might remember some of the actors. Didn’t learn much but was amused in parts

The Jungle Book (2016)

Disappointing. Not terrible by any stretch of the imagination, and if CGI is what your looking for, I have never seen better, but... When Disney did the original cartoon I went to the cinema five times in the week it was on. But we are not here to talk about the original, with it's absolutely everlasting songs in their definitive versions, the superb casting of Sterling Holloway, Phil Harris, Sebastian Cabot, George Sanders and Louis Prima, the mesmerising emotions, innocent and simple philosophy and timeless humour.

Like Pan, this didn't need doing. And Shere Kahn was right all along.

London Has Fallen

A quite excellent opening 40 minutes, I thought I was going to mark it higher. The second half of the film was just a shoot-em-up which got mundane after a while. I do find Gerard Butler very watchable, and its funny in a Team America way, but I actually think it is meant to be, so don't go if you want anything too cerebral, but if you like gunfire and explosions I am sure you will like this. Fuck yeah!.

Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children

Green is the new Bonham Carter. Was the topiary in the garden cut by Edward Scissorhands? Was this X-Men for eight year olds? Look, It wasn't so bad, but even for childish fantasy there seemed some lack of believable continuity. Still, Samuel L Jackson kept his part of the deal, but right now I feel like marking it down a couple of little notches. I will. Six point eight is still a good film, but it is one of those borderline ones when you could have read the précis, revised the quiz stuff and dug out Mrs Miniver or something. We are spoilt for films, I know. .

Moonlight

Brokeback Mountain meets The Wire and looses some zip in the process. I was bored shitless by Boyhood, and this has a similar feel to it, though it is redeemed by a reasonably interesting story arc. I have to ask myself "is it an anti-gay thing on my part", and the answer is "don't be stupid". That I find the overtly gay scenes discomforting is because I am heterosexual, that I don't give it a stellar mark is because that's the same mark I would have given it had it been a heterosexual relationship. It doesn't make me homophobic anymore than preferring prawns to anchovies makes me somehow bad - it's just a matter of taste. I can't help thinking this film may have been accoladed with six Oscar nominations because of its colour and sexuality rather than it's content. It is still a decent, particularly well-intentioned, film; just not my bag, that's all.

Repo Men

Why didn't I watch this all the way through. I gave this the best part of half an hour, and could have stayed the course, but Jake came up with the food, so we just started soemthing fresh instead (Rising Sun, as it happens). I am going to read the synopsis now, and I predict I will not have missed that much. Forrest Whitaker does confuse me a little bit, with his blinking and his false smiles. .

Train Dreams

This was more like a painting than a book, the narrative subsumed by the cinematography, the mood. Now it was beautifully done, and I think that many a viewer would rate it very much higher, nevertheless 6.8 means pretty pretty goood. Was it about futility or utility of human life? I think it was both, but fundamentally not an unhappy ending. It may have been a better watch sat with someone you love. I’ve a real thing for Joel Edgerton ever since I watched The Gift, which he directed. Felicity Jones? Yep she did the trick. Don’t they have American actors nowadays? Don’t expect a jack in the box, the film comes in and fades out, and I think that is precisely what it was meant too. I’d recommend if only to see if you see what I mean

V For Vendetta

Why people hate me, volume 51115

I appropriately watched this on Bonfire Night at the behest of my beloved neighbour, Danni, who had put up a quote from it on her FaceBook page, namely "People should not be afraid of their governments. Governments should be afraid of their people " To which I, naturally, replied "Why on Earth should a government be afraid of people in a 'democracy' where over 55% of the people have less than 5% of the wealth? Amen my arse, they should be laughing to their back teeth reading FaceBook at all the lilly livered cunts whinging about how bad things are, without doing anything about it. (Don't take it personally Dan, you are fab!) "

The thing is, the quote, and the film illicit the same reaction in me, that as humans we observe films, history, stories and analogies and imagine that we are not collectively horrible, and that we all go on about "ewww, Selma, Suffragette, 12 Years A Slave, Schindler's List, that wouldn't happen on our watch ", but the fact is, it is going ahead full steam on our watch, this second, this minute this year, and we are fuckin' moronically oblivious to it.

I was in the sauna yesterday, some bloke walks in, a Labour councillor from Normanton, and he told us about how the Conservative councillors attend 8 two hour meetings per year to claim their full £12,000 councillor's allowance. He went on to explain the math to us; £750 per hour. I then pointed out there would be many Labour councillors who would do exactly the same thing, that the demography of either party regarding all aspects of human 'goodness' was probably indistinguishable. He then said, quote "Ah but we don't use it as a stick to beat them (i.e. the Tories) with" I pointed out that he had just spent the previous two minutes doing precisely that. It didn't sadden me that Councillors might be greedy, or even that he had the Efrontery to contradict himself in the space of 60 seconds and refuse to acknowledge it. It worried me a little that he tried to change the subject by inferring that I had somehow dissed an old friend of mine who was a councillor (I hadn't). The real permanent, inescapable tragedy was that a friend of over 30 years, sitting one yard away from both of us would not acknowledge the glaringly inescapable contradiction, choosing to say something along the lines of "it's nothing to do with me ", and that far from being unique, he was being absolutely, typically, mundanely, 'nicely' human.

Which brings us to the film. The sofa family sucked, Steven Fry seems like a bit of an add-on. I mean I love the guy, but Gosford Park, The Hobbit part 12 .. I'm being picky. Look, what do I know? I'm the only person I know who was cynical about 1984, but like I said, I carry a lot of baggage when it comes to my faith in collective humanity, and when I see films which make people feel right-on, I gag a little. And it saddens me that the majority of people do not, can not, comprehend why.

Warcraft

I don't think I'd want to watch it at home, but sat with our Graham eating a Subway it definitely had its moments without ever straying from what one would imagine a modern epic fantasy about hoards of Orcs invading a medieval kingdom through a magic portal would be like! OK.

King Of Thieves

What films do you give the male 'National Treasures'? This one, in which they are self deprecating in the process of conducting the heist. It never really gets going, Spoiler Alert: Did they have the air jack bust and them go to the shop for a new one just to pad the film out? The only relevance to the plot was a single clip of CCTV footage, but really? Redeeming features are the true storishness about it, and, and, err its difficult to say what was good about it, other than the fact it just managed to keep going! Whatever, I talk too much.

21

I was enjoying this, then half way through thought “These people are horrible, the people who made the film are horrible, and the people who like this film probably have some degree of horribleness about them”. I watched ‘till the end, and it’s not as if I didn’t derive some entertainment from it, but ewww! Women running in high heels away from the gangsters. Look at me, I’m a genius.

Hah! A new film on top of the alphabetical list

Alpha Dog

Based upon a true story, this seems a somewhat fanciful account of West Coast youth culture at the turn of the millennium. Is this really how kids lived in California? It seems to glamorise most of what must have essentially varied between mostly seedily mundane and only occasionally perhaps exciting and I am left with the inescapable feeling that this is a gratuitous entertainment first, before it is a documentary - but hell, that's what storytellers do. Now, having got my jealousy of 20 year olds driving round in 4x4 with guns in a never ending cycle of swimming pools and incredibly hot chicks out of the way there are some notable positives, including Justin Timberlake and especially Anton Yelchin. Look, I know, one can't be helped by colouring opinion with sympathy, and given that Yelchin has delivered on the first three of the Star Trek reboots and then died in at the age of 27 he certainly has mine, but this was a lovely empathic performance and the one feel good aspect of what was wall to wall sordidness. Glad I watched it.

Blade Runner

To review

Blue Ruin

Whilst lacking originality of premise (SPOLER ALERT: Underdog story), this film runs with it in a brave delivery incorporating very little dialogue and genuinely clever filming. Incredibly it was made for $420,000 from crowd-funding, and it doubled its money - and deserved it. I can see some people really liking this.

The Broadway Melody

An Oscar winner… the first talkie to get the gong. I’m pretty sure that the first winners of the FA cup, Spiffing Chaps, or whatever they were called would not be particularly competitive in today’s competition, nevertheless, they were in the right place at the right time, and you can’t take that away from them.

Even in terms of characters and story this could be termed ‘ropey’ nevertheless it DOES have an enjoyment quotient, it has it’s moments, Bessie Love (Hank) performs her task admirably, and there is no shortage of legs. I can not argue with anybody who says Jacques is a totally rapey bastard, but he is meant to be, and I would have always despised this character, not so much because he is a twat, more because he represents that peacocking which is part of human nature and that gets you laid, because females can be manipulative, whether aware or not I don’t know. And as for Charles – what a wuss, what a duplicitous wuss. I mean he’s engaged to Hank and in a single second flips. He deserved punching. Queenie is neither more attractive nor more talented than Hank. She is just… Blonde! Four years later Frank Capra would make It Happened One Night. After that the Hayes Code would kick in and perhaps this film illustrated some of the fun that the Catholic Decency league stymied for the next few decades. Whatever, glad I watched it, tick it off the list and find a copy of You Can’t Take It With You

The Escapist

The dialogue was sometimes difficult to follow (and so is Shakespeare). It may have been a better film than I imagine, but it’s not The Shawshank Redemption or Prison Break. I was a little cynical about the portrayal of prison and the incredible super-powers of some of the inmates. Are screws really that slack and the cons so brutal? Is it the best of ideas to give a convicted drug chemist a laboratory and unlimited raw materials? And let’s face it; that was a pretty convenient connection to the London Underground system. Anyway, it kept me interested to see what would happen, and I enjoyed it. As I keep saying, we are spoilt with movies nowadays, and golly, there is a hell of a lot of them to watch. I wonder what the critical reception was. I mean, pretty awesome cast who played their parts well. Why could I not get subtitles on Samsung Plus?

The Inbetweeners Movie

Nearly, very nearly, a 'good' film. It had a lot to live up to with the T.V. Series, and did not just quite get up to that high standard. Having said that, once you have got over your reservations of the 'Brits abroad 24 hour party people portrayal' and Jay being incredibly annoying (he is meant to be, so I guess that's not really fair of me), it has its moments. Some of the gross out humour was a little untidy but whatever, if you loved the TV program, you will like this, and Simon Bird (Will) does get the best lines and delivers them really well. Simplistic but fun.

Jason Bourne

Well you get lots of bangs for bucks here. Normally bangs for bucks is a metaphor for good return on investment, but in this case I mean it literally! Apparently Matt Damon has less than 300 words in the whole film, but I wouldn’t have noticed. The action was an end in itself, and they didn’t call the bad guy Reg or Olav or anything like that, he was “the asset”. It was good action, but not good enough to rate this as more than adequate; for the fan it may have been more of a trip.

Mosquito Squadron

Let’s face it. The question is:

“what can we do to sequel The Dambusters?”
“I know – 633 Squadron!”
“Then what?”
“Err Mosquito Squadron starring Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore?”
“Yes, but those two haven’t been born yet. We can recycle loads of old footage, appeal to national pride, lots of stiff upper lip and all that, a bit of lurve, a lot of heroism, Jerry gets it up up his tunnel.”
“Jeez, The Italian Job and Butch Cassidy won’t stand a chance against this tour de force”

The thing is though, I rather enjoyed watching it! If this is an old film I’m a decade older. It’s an old film, more in spirit than year of production.

Predator

Another classic, which gives the impression of being very low budget (and let's face it, you do not pay Arnie for his thespian skills). I will write the figures in at the end of this*. Another of those films you have to watch to at least say you have watched it, another film that is entertaining in its use of very predictable scenes, story and dialogue. I watched it because Michael McPartland, quiz hero, said it was beter than Alien. He is absolutely right, as it is altogether less gloomy and it doesn't depend on crass stupidity from practically every member of the cast!

* $15–18 million.

The Prince of Egypt

Well it's a much more enjoyable version of the story than Exodus: Gods and Kings. It would probably have rated a little higher if it hadn't treated the Christian aspects of this folk-tale with such reverence; I mean.. It's not real you know, the Red Sea did not part in some miraculous way, there was no competition between the Abrahamic Gods and the Egyptian ones. The music, especially When You Believe compensates a tad.

Star Wars 2: Attack Of The Clones

Bordering on a good film, albeit there are some headscratching moments (why would you want foot-soldiers to take over the galaxy?) and there is a lot of "look, we all know, Anakin goes bad, don't keep reminding us, with the music and Hayden Christansen getting all pouty and stamping his little feet.

Of course this is all building up to the release of The Force Awakens I tip it will be fantastic.

What We Do In The Shadows

One of those films I enjoyed but didn't learn a great deal from. Very idiosyncratic in terms of its NZ setting, that very humour being the strongest ingredient of the film, but it did get a little two dimensional. The characters were strong without the narrative or production qualities quite getting to Zombieland

Gotta respect a film made on $1.6 million, but wait... What do they spend it all on?.

World War Z

On paper this should not have been a watcher, but hell, I left it on and was glad I did. The story was predictable, utterly, but what the hell, it'll do. The cast were reasonably engaging, especially the Zombies who were spectacularly loony and numerous and if it comes to washing up or this, the film takes precedence. I couldn't watch three a day.

10 Cloverfield Lane

I've seen plenty worse sci-fi horror movies. This was quite enjoyable to sit through, even though, in retrospect it was so full of holes, but at least they didn't spoil a great performance from John Goodman in an interesting situation. A real plus for this film is you never knew quite which way it was going to go. (Until the end when she turned right)

12 Years A Slave

Now then! Odds on for best film Oscar, but for me it is many lengths behind several films I have seen at the latter part of 2013. Don't get me wrong, it is quite awesome, but as a message film it fails. White folk in the Antebellum South were just as good, bad or usually indifferent as the 10,000 people closest to you now, at this moment in time. This film is an excuse for 95% y'all to get real righteous and say "My goodness, how bad were those people", but until you realise that you/we are just the same the message is pointless. Yeah, and like Jack Tar could just stab a nigger on the boat. That could never of happened without the guy being hauled over the coals by the slave owner.

Spoiler Alert. The film is about a bloke who was a slave for 12 years.

P.S. Watched the BAFTA awards and Steve McQueen, the director, was giving his acceptance speech after receiving the Best Film award. He delivered this fine point:

”Right now there are twenty one million people in slavery as we sp... as we sit here. Twenty-one million people. I just hope that a hundred and fifty years from now our ambivalence will not allow another film-maker to make this film”

My point is it will. And the same fuckers will be wringing their hands and voting for it

300; Rise Of An Empire

Surprise! I thought this was going to be garbage (I never really liked the first one) but did I like this? Hell yeah! I know ships don't come over the top of hills of water like the cavalry, I know that Persian bitch-queens don't wear fishnets and Goth make up. I understand it was entirely green screen. I know that the queen of Sparta was the alternate universe Cersei Lannister. The film would have lasted just 30 minutes if they didn't put it in super slo-mo every time there was some blood flying through the air (which was practically the whole movie). Xerxes must have got gay virus and, and, and... everything. But it was ENJOYABLE. I actually got quite invested in a few of the lead characters.

Another 48 Hours

There have been worse sequels. I thought that Working Girl was the last hurrah for the 1980's but I think this is now the holder of that title. The concept is totally non-original but the deliver and humour fair, and, of course, the characters of Hammond and Kates are as loveable as ever. If you liked the first, you will like this.

51st State

Solid, amusing film set in Liverpool!

The Age of Adeline

Sitting writing about this and I want to mark it down, nevertheless I'll leave it at the 7 I gave it three quarters of the way through, in that it got much more interesting once Harrison Ford appeared on the screen half way through. It kept me awake, and the science was absolutely terrible. The best bit was Young Indiana Jones doing a great job of the accent. Surely did not like this more than The Lego Movie ?

All The King's Men

This film discusses a theme that is close to my heart; politics, and gives a fairly compelling reflection upon it and human nature in general

The Amazing Spider-Man 2

I liked it! Much the same as the first franchise, this has action with levity, and I liked

American Sniper

Clint Eastwood has moved on a bit since Heartbreak Ridge . In this film he takes a true patriot story and paints it with stars and stripes, all very moving. Bradley Cooper has moved on from American Hustle (in which he was good) and I can see why he has been nominated for best actor. He won't get it as there are three stand outs in front of him, nevertheless he was as convincing a seal as Paddington was a bear, i.e. absolutely believable. He definitely has the best movie sniff ever!

If you enjoyed Fury, The Monuments Men, The Railwayman and Unbroken you'll enjoy this. I enjoyed those four so.... (Do the math). This has a brief, but I consider very convincing, scene when they watch 9/11 on telly. Just thought I'd throw that in there.

Barton Fink

I'm pretty sure that if I watch this again I will up it from a 7. Love that picture.

The Best Years Of Our Lives

A multiple Oscar winner, it seems to be the one which has most faded from the public eye. The first 50 minutes or so are terrific, when, given the constraints of what was a film industry still learning, we have a great set up, but... It really doesn’t go anywhere once the guys all come back from a night on the town. I might suggest that the film is heavily constrained by the mores of the day, which leaves one feeling that so much is missing, specifically sex, arguably the most important thing relationships, is barely alluded to, and though it was fine to chain smoke and get so drunk you couldn’t remember, I reckon a boner was out of the question. It is a shame because the characters were there, a fistful of them which looked down the road of development but never travelled down there. It was not all sweetness and light, but I can only assume it was artistically stifled by an industry wracked with fear, so any ‘gritty realism’ was constrained by censorship, overt or otherwise. For 1946 Passport To Pimlico was a far more enjoyable film.

NB this film, as well as getting the gongs for film, director, actor, supporting actor and director is the sixth most ticketed in British history and makes all sorts of ‘best of’ lists.

A good film, but it could have been so much better. We had to wait another 32 years for The Deer Hunter to illustrate the damage of war more vividly to the Academy

Big Hero 6

A beautiful picture in terms of the canvas, but kind of weird in it's exceedingly imaginative interpretation of how this particular world of San Fransokyo works. I feel like dropping it a notch, but the fact is, it was entertaining, especially the referencing within it, The Marvel aspect, the Ghibli influence, the strange American/Japanese juxtaposition within the entire mise en scène, I mean the bad guy in his mask was No-Face straight out of Spirited Away . Worth the watch for sure

Black Sea

I suppose if you watched The Dirty Dozen, The Hunt For Red October and The Lavender Hill Mob you could piece together this particular film. I hope I haven't given to much away. Very reasonable film in all departments, Jude Law is really good, my favourite performance of his. I did think it was going to be worth a tad more at first, but still it maintained my interest throughout and delivered a couple of nice little angles to keep me awake. I would love to know what Andrew Kidd thinks of this (He is my nephew and is an expert on submarines. Hang on a minute, I'm thinking of a couple of plot holes here... Nah, doesn't matter, it's a yarn).

Andrew Kidd says: Black Sea was good. As far as the technical submarine stuff goes, they have consciously used a lot of artistic license but have clearly done their homework and a lot of 'real' submarine stuff is in the film. Also I think I would have given Fury Road no more than a 1. The movie is beautiful but it is pure self indulgent BS.

Breaking Bad

A most excellent TV show, spread over five seasons, the odd bum episode (I'm thinking of the one with the fly), some great comedy (Saul Goodman thoroughly deserves his own show) and a lead character who maintains the interest There are certain aspects of this series that I would like to diss so here goes..(SPOILER ALERTS)

Hank. Come on man, really, season five?? You'd keep it all to yourself, oh well maybe just take your partner along so he can get shot as well. Walter's taped 'confession' just would not hold up under the most rudimentary forensic analysis, it is just completely non believable (PS I liked Hank as a character)

Marie. What happened to your kleptomania? That was something we really could have run with, but it surfaced and disappeared for zero plot movement. You and your sister...

Skyler. Skyler. Skyler. Couldn't somebody edit the series and just take her out of it? The MILTD (Mother I'd like to divorce) of all time, she does not have one scene which entertained me. In this or Deadwood. It would be nice if somebody give Anna Gunn a part that doesn't involve her constantly scowling or being feeble or whinging or 'taking charge'

I would dispute that Walter changes during the series. He 'breaks bad' early doors but still retains some admirable traits, and the last one and a half episodes are him being self sacrificing "Take the money, don't shoot Hank", protecting his family "I made you do it Skyler", Not being really nasty (they are only laser pens after all). In itself not a bad thing, but don't say it is what it is not.

What kind of self respecting Neo-Nazis would ever ever not just kill Walt, once they had the money? Like, oh... here is 11 million dollars, go away and when your ready come back and kill us.. Boss, that might be a bit risky... no it's not he shook my hand, not because we wouldn't have killed him if he didn't, but because we just topped Hank and he really digs that.

Bucky says: Agree with most of your erudite and informed assessment - I am half way through ".. 's all good man " ~ really enjoying it , but too early to rate it above BB for me. BB had a mutli-dimensional approach, multi-layered plot, yep some 'slow episodes' (one or two fillers) but I'll take those against the rack of tension, the black humour, the language, the character/relationship complexities and nuances between the main two players and hey, even the track listings.,. I mean c'mon what US TV show would really feature an Albino Reggae Dancehall star who's other song is called Gimme Vagina? Some of the latter parts in S5 yes I concur sir, they did stretch the cred a bit too far, but the tension of Hank's demise was a classic.. and I was sad to see him go. Against something like the Sopranos which I have watched with Sue for 3 seasons now and I do like but equally can leave, then BB was something that Ellie and I watched together and shared many fantastic moments. It gripped, was a 'must watch'. The unbearable ending of S3 was, as the youth say 'awesome' or 'sick' man.. and S4 was a pinnacle too. S5 maybe one stretch too far.. but all I say, the Skylar stuff aside, then I would rate it as a 9.5 for me.. the best TV I've seen in the last 15 years.. and yep Saul was brilliant, Jesse too, Badger (loved him - didn't want him to die.. phew).. the chemistry was believable, the actual horror of the Mexican Drug Cartels barely skimmed, mindst you these real Sicarios make ISIS look like a bunch of pussys.

BB - 9.5 for Bucko beacuse of all of the above, I'm forever grateful for Karen Parky mentioning it to me - bought blindly on her recommendation of "Bucky you'll like this" Saul - running at a 8.5 at the mo.

The Butler

Great film for quiz buffs in that it gives a historical insight into a lot of the post-war American presidents. A tableau!.

Calvary

Didn't quite get the story here, I mean, there was this thread, but perhaps it deliberately left some of the profiling to ones imagination. Brendan Gleeson absolutely lights up a screen, and the host of support actors do not displease the eye. If I had seen this before Cuban Fury I might not have liked Chris O'Dowd's part, but now.. hey, he's OK. This is like Father Ted – The Dark Side and is worth watching for the whole look and feel of it, but it is kind of disquieting. That's why I spread it out over a couple of days.

Captain America 2: The Winter Soldier

Face-booked this to Jon Buck:

Of the current batch at Cineworld there are a lot in the 7 or 8 out of 10 range, but this, along with the other action sequel 300 Rise of an Empire are both pleasant surprises in that the films are much better than the trailers might suggest and IMHO are better than their respective first instalments. Please don't expect anything too challenging but if you like films where (ANOTHER SPOILER ALERT) the protagonists beat the odds to kick some serious mother fekkin' ass neither one lets you down. Can't wait for Godzilla .

Captive

I didn't like the God bits, but apart from that it was a reasonable story well delivered. I found the ambiguity of Oyewolo's carachter quite intresting, and I enjoy watching Omar's ascent up the billing, but yes, the post end end was a little "what?".

Charlie Countryman

For a few moments I thought this was going to be an 8 or 9. That it isn’t is more to my optimism than any fault of the film, which enjoyed with a cocked eyebrow on occasions. To take away is Shia LaBeouf who made this well over a year ago and for me genuinely comes of age as a full blown star who carries the film throughout. As impressive a lead role as I have seen this year. Considering I love music, a good soundtrack is like a good referee, you don’t tend to notice them, but this score, when I noticed it, was awesome. The picture was easy on the eye, and really seemed to impart that post communist Eastern European feel, reminding me of Serbia and Bulgaria. Now the films characters are kind of OK, but Jay (from the Inbetweeners ) and Ron Weasley seem to have wandered onto the wrong film set. The resolution of the film is (Spoiler alert!) just a little unsatisfying, and it’s a shame it didn’t settle into being a Sixth Sense meets Taken instead of being greedy and putting the Chuckle Brothers in the mix. Whatever, enjoyable all the same.

Chef

A feel-good film with a lame, predictably twee story, and somewhat idealistic views on human behaviour, nevertheless... I loved it. August Rush effect, I guess Jon Favreau's enthusiasm for the film (He wrote, directed and produced it as well) just pervades the movie, the love of food is infectious, the dialogue is snappy and the soundtrack most excellent. Grab a beer, get some nice food, snuggle up and watch this. But don't expect John Le Carré!

PS. I don't know how many favours Jon Favreau called in, but this is one hell of a cast.

Commando

Forgot what happened, but I know I enjoyed it. A very good 7, with plenty of guns and ammo.

Cuban Fury

Nick Frost is great! He was good in The World's End, and given this role without being Simon Pegg's foil is welcome. Chris O'Dowd is the largest knob-stick you could imagine (credit to the actor), the story is predictable, the music great, the characters stereotyped, and whatever, going to watch this at the cinema in a giggling audience was a most pleasant couple of hours. There are so many things you can criticise films on, but why bother. This works within its own universe, and Nick Frost is perfect for the role. Sufficiently affable, poignant, but, above all, believable. It'll be a shame when he gets a TV series in which he plays a hard-bitten, world-weary cop in some new town between Birmingham and London, one who plays by his own rules and has troubles at home.

Danny Collins

So sue me when I go off on one here. John Lennon is overrated. This film has a soundtrack largely made up of post Beatles Lennon material, hell, I bought the albums, but the songs are just not great pop songs, more whingy folk, or nondescript rock. I'm not saying they are terrible, but John Lennon has never, since the Beatles, produced anything like as good as any amount of tracks from Band On The Run or Ram or My Brave Face, Live and Let Die, Mull Of Kintyre etc etc. If a fourteen year old kid went to his music teacher saying " sir, sir!! I've written this song.. " and gave him Imagine I am pretty sure it wouldn't end up in anybody's top thousand.

In this film, the monkey on Danny Collins' back is a version of Sweet Caroline and his finale is a variation on... Imagine . So, what I am trying to say is, for a music film, the tunes simply do not carry the punch.

Now.. having let rip on the score the rest of the film is a reasonable 100 minutes. Al Pacino is disarmingly charming, Annette Benning likewise easy on the eye, it is not totally unsatisfying. Wish it had been Judee Sill music though

Question: What made John Lennon great?

Answer: Paul McCartney

The Darjeeling Limited

Well it's a Wes Anderson film, with the width, colour, camerawork, humour and human nature that is so typical of him. Given that he always uses the same cast, I suppose one could get a little blasé about these films. Most people like The Life Aquatic and The Royal Tennenbaums . I love Rushmoor . As usual the choice of music is largely wonderful, and each frame is a picture in itself. If you like Anderson, you will like this.

Delicatessen

Once again Becca has lent me an Ultra-French film, which is very different from what I am used to. I wish I had watched this with somebody so we could explore the ideas behind it, when it was set, what did so and so mean. I can't remember it being subtitled, but it definitely was. Would I prefer to watch this than Gravity Yes I would.

Devil's Knot

This was a well paced reflection on a true story. As with all these kinds of things it would be lovely to know the real true story, but this made a pretty convincing fist of it. (But that is what story tellers do... Having researched it a lot of people seem to agree about the thrust of this, which I will not repeat, 'cos that is what I don't do, as it were.

Donnie Brasco

Straightforward mob v law movie, with some interesting characters, great dialogue and reasonable (based on true) story. Why do the lawmen always come out as being the unlovable ones in these movies? Al Pacino is really good in this.

Driving Miss Daisy

More Hans Zimmer, more of a Antebellum tinted oil painting than a story

Elizabeth

To review

End Game

One of those straight to DVD action movies, very much in the vein of The Shooter. This might have rated higher if only I could have figured out what happened in the end. :(

Everest

I know I always compare films to Gravity, but it is a great benchmark, and fits the bill entirely here, in that we have a film that is very strong on the picture, and one can't complain about the actors. This edges it in that the scenery is as good or better, the story is a little more engaging, and it's kind of real life. It fails on some of the detail. Everest harder than K2? An Alpine Chough flying around at 18,000' ? Touching The Void set the benchmark for this kind of stuff at 4% of the budget

Finding Dory

Although nothing absolutely outstanding is bought to the table here, this is a competent enough movie. We see frying pans and fires and protagonists finding themselves along the way, kinda cute faces and habits and dialogue, recycled music from American Beauty by Thomas Newman, wonderful 3d animation, but it's not quite got that 'magic'. If you like animations you will probably like this, but don't expect too much above Finding Nemo.

Flight

A good film with some notable aspects, If you liked John Goodman in Lebowski, you will like him in this, and if you are a Denzel Washington fan, you will not be dissapointed. Whatever.

If anybody ever reads this who has watched the film, please contact me if you agree/disagree. SPOILER ALERT (a bit). If the portion of the film after the rough take-off and Denzel going to sleep, to it's landing was cut, and pasted at the end of the film, this could have been a more rewarding experience? Even more so with a little judicious editing??.

Foxcatcher

This would have made a terrific one hour documentary. The carachters are reasonable (Channing Tatum is a little bit like a lunky Keanu Reeves), Steve Carrell is very wierd, the story is worth watching through, but there was a little too much standing around looking moody to maintain the excitment. Definitely worth the watch, if only to pique the curiosity about the affair.

Furious 7 aka Fast & Furious 7

A deep, thoughtful exploration of the existential conflict between the perceived nature of human existence and the reality of reality. An almost Derridesque thesis that dissects the relationships of humanity, focusing on the thought at not just the conscious and tangible, but the deep, primal level, casting the shadow of dichotomy onto our mores, our, loves, our lives.

P.S. It does what is says on the packet, it's fast, it's furious, and if you like this kind of thing you will love this. Seriously, the ending is wonderful.

The Fuzz

Trailer Park Boys meets Avenue Q without scaling those hights but avoiding disgrace by a long chalk. Great concept, somewhat predictable delivery

The General

This sets so many precedents on this page, in that it is the oldest film so far reviewed (by several years) and it is the only original silent one so far. That makes it difficult to judge, but fundamentally I have to ask myself, how much enjoyment did I get from it?

I saw it listed in a list of 100 great action movies, and as Machete from the same list was so brilliant, and that it might be a quiz question I gave it a shot. Was it a comedy or was it an action film? I think it was an early major Hollywood production trying to find out. Was the story good? Yes, it was OK. Compelling protagonist? Yes, I got a bit mixed up with the bit parts, but Keaton and his girl were easy to identify with. Was the action good? Yes, it actually was great, a little more slapstick than Kung Fu Hustle, nevertheless it had a wow factor, especially taken in context. The acting? Brilliant, in that these people had to convey words through actions (there were dialogue cards, but they were relatively few and far between), so the exaggerated motions really feed the imagination.

In addition these old films always carry a nostalgia factor that perhaps adds to their enjoyment quotient, so this film turns out to be more enjoyable than say Entourage and any amount of reasonable cinema-fodder. Glad I watched it.

Just an afterthought: Is this film the victim of hype? Yes, I think so. On release it was slated and then forgotten about, then all of a sudden it becomes one of the best movies ever made, like somehow it has gone through a metamorphosis. It has been the same film all along, reasonably interesting, reasonably well made, and well acted. The Southern cause (i.e. slavery) was wrong. It didn't just become wrong in 1968, therefore it is difficult to root for a side which uses appeal to loyalty rather than logic as its battle cry. There is the weird undercurrent of comedy which I do believe could have been left out. Anyhoo, it is not me who should be justifying my opinion, it should be the consegneti who appear to have gone through a Van Goughesque change of mind.

The Godfather Part II

Good, but not that good

Hamlet

A very strange film to review, in that I don't really know for sure if it is really good or bloody terrible. Of course, it's an Oscar winner, but I found Hamlet himself and Ophelia way too over the top and the sets are often flimsy; had it been a stage production these would have been admirable. It was a film though, and though I know it was old, many films have preceeded it which shame it in terms of cinematagrophy and design. It is cinema, and the play is not the (only) thing. All that aside, it is a good tale, the dramatis personnae pique the interest, and I did enjoy it, much more than when I watched it several years ago. Value is definitely added by the very canonicity of the thing, with every third phrase being recognisable as a modern idiom or title, as well as by the cast, but come on.. Hamlet is actually 11 years older than his mother off screen, and you can tell. Luvvies - I don't know!

Hangmen

This was one of those stage productions beamed to the cinema, and though I enjoyed it, the atmosphere was two points less than the real thing, and the story, dialogue etc, was two points off In Bruges It was good, but not good enough to justify £8 with an Unlimited Card when Star Wars was on for free.

Heat

A very good film with a stellar cast, if anything subsumed within the whole cops and robbers oeuvre to such an extent that three days and two films and half a bottle of gin after watching it I can't really remember that much about the story. I suppose I could easily watch it again and enjoy it. You have gotta like Al Pacino.

The Hobbit 3: The Battle of the Five Armies

The must see film for December 2014, it was merely OK, with good shit to watch but not a great story and the characters had already been developed, so ... I really think perhaps two or even one long film would have done for The Hobbit, I don't know if I would have felt differently if I hadn't read the book at least 10 times, and there is no two ways about it, Peter Jackson set the benchmark with Fellowship, but this trilogy just felt as if it were padded out. Game of Thrones gets the distillation of books about right, leaving one wishing for more, excited about the prospects. This doesn't.

The Hunger Games: 2 Catching Fire

Made me want to read the third book to by-pass the two parter third instalment. Reasonable Lost meets The Hunger Games 1 . It is better than the first, in that it works within its own universe whereas number one didn't make sense in any imagination I could comprehend.

The Hunger Games: 3 Mockingjay Part 1

Another notch up the scale. I reckon I never really enjoyed the constraints of the first two films once 'the Games' were on. In this third film there are no games therefore it becomes more difficult for the film makers just to invent shit, and, for me, this makes for a much more satisfying film. Do I detect the cast getting better as well, or is it just familiarity?? Now that I have adopted Jennifer Lawrence I realise that her Katniss mode kind of works, the action was good, the story meaty enough, the characters good, the music excellent and all in all it is a perfect set-up for the last instalment without being just that alone. I now officially want a Mockingjay badge.

In The Heat Of The Night

Well it was good and dated. Doing a film about racism was always going to be a little clumsy in 1967, this is just being a tad too right-on, and like many films depicting isms it falls a little short of the full picture by illustrating some human goodness on each side. As this stands Virgil Tibbs has to 'win-over' everybody, not a single Missispian shows any intuitive rationality, and though I wasn't there I know there would have been many good people in Sparta, Mississippi. I reckon Sidney Poitier over-acts a tad, but Rod Stieger worth the Oscar? Yup

The Infidel

Great idea, or at least a cool variation of the Trading Places trope. Omid Djaliliilays a very becoming role which has fun with the concept, illustrates some obvious “what ifs” but somehow fails in the end, by justifying religion, rather than delivering the coup de grace which it could, and should, have done with ease. The end veers into the “oh really?” bracket (that is a negative criticism, BTW).

Inherent Vice

I am not qualified to review this film, as I was late for it and nodded off several times. I don't think that was the fault of the film, as everything was engaging about it, but just lack of attention on my part, and a reasonably complex thread was not conducive to true appreciation. I will watch it again and am sure I will love it! I enjoyed what I saw, with a cool cast and great dialogue.

Interstellar

I liked this. Yes, there were criticisms that might be levelled, but one gets your money's worth, on this three hour 'epic'. A catch-all 7, which surprised me 'cos I imagined that I would either love it or hate it, given the hoo ha that has pervaded the media about it. I do think that arty critics struggle with science films, and it did seem that opinion was very divided on it, nevertheless I am kind of ambivalent. It was a good yarn, well made and I would definitely say it was worth sharing the cost of a ticket on Orange Wednesday. Matt Damon does look like Mark Wahlberg, especially in this film, for which I would put him in the mix for best support.

Iron Man 2

To review

Iron Man 3

These Marvel films do tend to merge and i forget actually how many points I should really give them. I certainly could not watch this kind of film at the expense of all others, nevertheless it is an entertaining night in, I suppose if I was deep into the cannon it may be quite challenging. You more or less know what to expect with these.

Jack Reacher

Once you have swallowed that Tom Cruise is six foot eight, hard as fuck and has perfect memory, this is quite an enjoyable film! Yeah, I must admit, one can get bored with fights and car chases, but … very solid 7.

Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit

Reasonable action movie, everybody plays their parts and the goodies win. Who is the best Jack Ryan? Baldwin, though Chris Pine is perfectly good in this. Wish he had had a couple of flaws though.

Nonso Anozie plays the part of the heavy who attempts to assassinate Jack in his hotel room. Who the devil did he play that I recognise. Wiki wiki wik.... Ah, of course, Xaro Xhoan Daxos from Game Of Thrones . How TF did he escape?.

James Bond 18; Tomorrow Never Dies

How long has it taken me to watch this film? Well I'm glad I did. Don't expect anything but ridiculous innuendo and overtime for stuntmen as Piers defeats an absolutely potty English Megalomaniac super-villain who aims to further his ends in the most ridiculously inefficient, convoluted and entertaining way imaginable.

James Bond 23: Skyfall

Great start. The start is up there with great starts. But then... I've done something I've not done yet, and retain the option to alter this review, but I haven't finished watching the film yet. It's just got drawn out far too much in that middle third. Judy Dench and Token I find annoying, but I did like the new Q.

James Bond 24; Spectre

These are so, so, much better than most of the earlier films, but they seem more a collection of magnificent set pieces than a coherent story. I definitely reckon Christoph Waltz was underutilised, almost seeming to parody himself. He is more convincing in Big Eyes where, as always, he essentially plays the same part. Worth the watch, but on review, for all their magnificence and huge budgets, neither of the two films I saw today, this and Pan, were more enjoyable than Locke, which was Tom Hardy sat in a car.

The Judge

Sometimes a little mushy, occasionaly funny with the odd surprise. Robert Downey Junior never seems quite serious enough, but Robert Duvall is awesome. Considering my penchant for daddy films I guess this is a low score, yet it was enjoyable enough. Nice Thomas Newman soundtrack, The story reasonable, and I can't stress how that Judge stole the show. Him or Dominic West for Best Supporting Actor.

Jurassic World

The burning question is, how does this film stack up against 1, 2 and 3? At a rough guess (memory fades) precedence would go 1 (outstanding and original), 2 (funny), 4 and 3. Although a pleasant enough watch it doesn't really bring anything new to the table (My favourite aspect was the, still brilliant, musical motifs). Perhaps I am becoming inured to action movies, but this is all that is. The kids are quite annoying (weren't they always?) The dinosaurs are only as impressive as those from over two decades ago, and the owners of the island are every bit just as stupid. I enjoyed the film, but it did not make my life more complete. My daughter is in love with Chris Pratt, so I'll give him a tick. He is definitely an improvement on Sam Neill.

Kramer vs. Kramer

There was a little bit of Company Men in that I can't feel much empathy for anyone who was earning $30,000 a year in 1979. Having said that, I do have increasingly mixed emotions regarding how I should rate this film, and I squeezed an extra .2 onto the score from my initial assessment. I can't help thinking that my own separation and relationships with my kids may have been influenced by this film in a very positive way. You are not meant to like Joanne (Meryl Streep), You are not meant to think Ted is perfect (even though Dustin Hoffman does such a good job). Everybody else has a degree of unlikeability which makes it an uncomfortable watch, nevertheless, I think it is a credit that the film holds up 'yuppie' values and smashes them like a scud hitting a penata. But I'm not sure. It definitely illustrates how custody descisions would be better made by a neutral part given the facts of the matter and not the sex of the litigants.

La Bamba

L learned somethings from this film regarding the history of popular music, I enjoyed the music, and although the interpersonal relationshios were a little sludgy all in all I would not mind watching a film like this every day.

The Last King Of Scotland

To review

Last Vegas

I was not particularly looking forward to this, but after a while I cracked and was well glad. I mean, who wants to see for old actors resting on their laurels? The thing is though, although you will not want for gags, in a way their was some restraint, especially Robert DiNero who was pretty grumpy throughout, which, after The Family and a string of 'comedic' performances was more like it. Enough of the film came out as being believable to tip the balance in it's favour. Pretty solid seven which makes it a great trip to the cinema and well worth recording in two years time.
I think the clincher was using September by Earth Wind and Fire during the film and over the end credits. Night at The Museum, The Ringer .. That is three out of three genuine feel good films that use this superb track to capture their objective
Oh, and guys, if you are reading this I put Kev in the lead actor role because I just did. Apologies, Mike, Morgan and Bob.

The Lavender Hill Mob

Ealing comedy. Thoroughly enjoyable, Interesting, funny stereotypes, reasonable story, very dated, but hell, what is there not to like about it? Alec Guiness is a good actor.

The Legend Of Bagger Vance

This film had its moments, but was embarrassingly Schmaltzy (Can't spell that word), weird in terms of its own continuity, From the sun being above the horizon to being pitch dark in the space of one golf hole, and didn't really have a message, other than golf is a great game. But golf is a game which people love anyway, and you don't need a magic nigger. I liked all the actors, the scenery and music (bar Will Smith who just never seems to do it for me). Robert Redford should do the film of the Menlo 8.

The Legend of Tarzan

So lets say all the execs are sitting 'round the table saying "what can we reboot?" and some bright spark says "Tarzan!" After some brainstorming they decide to get somebody who's ripped to play Tarzan, an FHM top tenner to play Jane, who can we have for a malevolent and heartless northern European? Ah yes Christopher Waltz, and hell, its set in 1889 but lets give Samuel L Jackson a part. Let's put loads of good looking CGI, and make sure we don't have any women talking to each other and the goodies win, and lets have a bit of broody and rewarded romance and - bingo. Hope I've not given too much away. In the vein of The Mummy this is harmless, predictable and fun eye candy. .

Let's Be Cops

Rock solid comedy/action, with a good premise well executed. Jon Lajoile as Todd? Who was that? Ah yes, the bloke who I initially thought was Adam Scott, playing very much the same role. It'll be intresting to see how other peole regard this, I think it would be easy to get snotty about it, perhaps I have? Happy endings n all. Not challenging but does what it says on the packet.

Life After Beth

Zombie films make better comedies than Zombie films, and this is a case in point. It trundles along with enough comedy, titilation and make up to maintain the intrest, Dane DeHaan is really the lead in this, and it is just unpredictable enough to keep the film fresh.

A Long Way Down

Nothing wrong with watching this on an afternoon suckin' a Doctor Peppers. Aaron Paul kind of steps up for this, so all in all it was a reasonable entertaining watch. Brosnan actually puts in an annoyingly good performance. Watch it and think about it and the part he is playing. Even Sam Neill comes out smelling of roses. Imogen Poots along with Paul redeems herself after Need For Speed - yeah – that'll do!.

Looper

This makes me want to go and watch Memento and Inception again. Good film, solid story and concept, solid performances all round.

Lucky Number Sleven

Seven it is! Yeah! Good film, great cast, good story decent carachters. Bruce Willis has done a lot of fucking ace films!.

Maleficent

This turned out to be better than I thought it would be. Ther best recent retake on a tale is Mirror Mirror, yet this came out with genuine credit.

The Man

You know, sometimes there is nothing wrong with Samuel L Jackson just being given a platform to be Samuel L Jackson (though AFAIK he didn't say 'motherfucker' once.) I should really write more about the plots to remind me in future; basically an out of town dental product salesman gets mixed up with crime in Detroit with hilarious consequenses. Luke Goss is a very good, very typical Anglo- villain but, maybe it just caught me in a good mood, Eugene Levy is just superb, every nuance, subtle carachter change. I doubt this was up for awards at The Venice Film Festival, but it is a long long time since I laughed at a fart scene, but this film carries it!! It is only snobbishness which stops me giving it 7.5.

I am sooo glad I wrote my review first. This is what it says on Wikipedia

The Man was blasted by critics, many of whom shared the opinion that the plot was pointless and its jokes rehashed. Review aggregator Rotten Tomatoes currently reports that the film holds a score of 11% based on 100 reviews.For his two 2005 performances in The Man and Cheaper by the Dozen 2, Eugene Levy received a Razzie nomination for Worst Supporting Actor

In retrospect, my point is that he (Levy) is meant to be like he is, the script was meant to be cartoon carachters with Tom and Jerry viloence and gags. And definitely not a pointless plot. And every gag is rehashed. Faggots.

Nelson Mendela; Long Walk To Freedom

Fascinating story, you almost think they could have made a three parter. With Invictus being the last instalment.

Me and Earl and the Dying Girl

I thought it might be Fault In Our Stars y. It damn well was, what a terrible double header that would be. Having said that things generally worked in this film, Thomas Mann seemed like a young deadpan Bill Murray, and though quirky in the extreme, I felt generally more invested in it as it went along. I'm going to write this down now and see if I've said it already. Olivia Cooke is from Oldham! (No I haven't; she was in that horror film Ouija .

Micmacs

Another lend from Rebecca, another monochromy French film watched with subtitles. These films I am watching from her have very simialar ensembles of very quirky carachters doing insane shit. Apart from being a companion to Delicatessen I reckon it would make a decent triple with Blood Diamond and the magnificent Lord Of War In the context of looking at corruption and exploitation between the west and the rest.

Miller's Crossing

This is a decent film. I, personally, can not say it is a genre classic, though some would disagree; the dialogue was there, the noir was noir can get, the actors, especially Jon Polito played their part, s but a complex set of relationships, ergo plot, lost all credibility with the scenes at the nominal location. Just impossible, it would never happen that way once, let alone twice. .

Minions

Sorry fans, but I never quite got on with Despicable Me (Russell Brand gets on my tits), Whatever, given my reticence, this turned out OK for me, with arguably the best animated rendering of real places that I can remember seeing since Shaun The Sheep, if not eva. It kind of has that family friendly irreverence that provides an edge, albeit not dangerously sharp, but if you are looking for mayhem in London, check out Paddington first.

Mission: Impossible 5: Rogue Nation

This is actually a spoof of the series, Simon Pegg is exactly what you would expect, like a Chuckle Brother, despite which, this is a film that is quite a reasonable add to the watch list. Go and watch Spy, or especially Kingsman for a better version of this kind of thing, but don't write this off because of the excellence of them.

The Monuments Men

Falling almost into the bracket of 'good for quiz purposes', This provides a fascinating look at the choices we face in war time, and the values we place on things on life in general. Definite moist eye moment in the hospital, all star cast, like Last Vegas, except its not in Las Vegas and they are getting shot at and the actors are 25 years younger (at least) and just about everything else. For some reason I found it hard to grade this film, but we'll stick at a tenous 7, for a film which maintained the interest and informed.

Mrs. Brown's Boys D'movie

There was something quite refreshing about this. £3 million budget, critically rejected, 9 mil at the box-office so far, a little self conscious, nevertheless, funny, endearing, with an ability to retain investment the longer it went on. There was a Wilhelm scream on the bridge, but that is a good thing. There was a barrister with tourretes, I think more in a fishing for laughs rather than an homage to Not Another Teen Movie which failed a little, nevertheless the breaking of the fourth wall varied from expected to genuinely becoming. A caper, not quite in the league of The Parole Officer yet one which provided a nice evening at the flicks, and an antidote to Transformers 4 which ran a little too long.

Mud

A very very solid seven, i.e. It was not weighed down by any expectation, therefore having taped it from film four, it provided an entertaining night in. All aspects of the film were spot on, it is a reflection on how good modern films generally are. Two members of the Boardwalk Empire cast were there, and all cast members have a degree of backstory. I know it doesn't make any difference to the value of the film, but it has some fascination!.

Not Another Teen Movie

I couldn't help but get sucked into this relentless barage of grossness and (deliberate) cliché. I guess it needed doing, even if most teen movies parody themselves anyway. I feel really guilty but it was more or less thoroughly entertaining with some real LOL moments. Now I've marked and reviewed it I am keen to see what the critics have to say...

Olympus Has Fallen

This is, given that it could have been terrible, frikkin' awesome! An entry into my top 100 quotes: .Mike Banning (ie Gerard Butler) to Kang "Why don't you and I play a game of fuck off. You go first....".

Orange Is The New Black

Far more dramatic than I expected, this is NOT a sit-com. I hear it is OK not to like Piper Chapman. I think you are meant to like her seeing as it is based on the memoirs of the mysteriously named Piper Kerman, nevertheless there is a slew of interesting inmates and peripherals who have me looking forwards to subsequent episodes and some nice unresolved threads to anticipate resolution for.

Pacific Rim

Monster movie. A no-holds barred, no laws of science sacrosant, big tableau, loud noises, heroes and villains, colourful, mother-fucker of a MONSTER movie..... I'm not sure if the Top Gun triumphalism in parts wasn't totally toungue in cheek, I reckon if I'd have been a kid I might have absolutely loved this. Both this and Godzilla turned out in some ways better than I expected, if not quite carrying the satisfaction of intrigue or surprise within the story. I've said something like this before, but if they do a crossover film between them... Wow!

I suppose this could apply to most films, but watch it on the biggest screen you can.

Parasite

Seen this twice, but not fresh enough to write about right now in 2025

Paul

There is little to fault about films like this, good to see Jeffrey Tambor and Jaseon Bateman from Arrested Development in the same film, Nick Frost and Simon pegg do precisely what they always do, Paul, an alien, was as convincing a bit of CGI / Stop Motion / whatever that I have seen so far, and Kristen Wiig was really funny! (I thought she was Amy Adams). I love movies.

Psycho

I’m happy I watched it, but I’m not sure I ‘get’ Alfred Hitchcock. I’m almost sure I’ve written about this before, but when your life’s work is taken by the police and then trashed, sometimes it feels like pissing in the wind.

Rebecca

Quite a jolly film that maintained my attention all the way through, kind of glad I could wallow in it alone, it has that stiff upper lipness about it, exaggerated theatre, it really is quite becoming. Joan Fonteyn is a peach.

Renoir

All the gorgeous scenery on the Riviera, a slew of great acting performances just manage to edge this into the 7 zone. I feel a little short changed in that it was really The last two years of Renoir's life with the emphasis on his model. I enjoyed it BUT I learned nothing about his paintings, and, it may be art but, those gaps between sentences did get a little ..... annoying! I would have preferred a straight documentary.

Robin Hood

Pleasantly good. a very different take on The Robin Hood Story, very thin on history, Russell Crowe's accent is quite as unusual as people have warned, nevertheless it was a pretty solid watch. They should really make a sequel. In fact this film was only the prequel; I would willingly pay to see the follow-up.

The Royal Tenenbaums

Worth a watch for the cast alone. I love watching Wes Anderson Films, but sometimes I feel like I am missing something, that they are a platform for beautifully fully saturated cinematography and marvellously quirky characters rather than a story. Oh come on though, it was fun to watch, I especially liked Gwyneth Paltrow and Gene Hackman.

San Andreas

OK, let's put this out there. This is no Being John Malkovich . I think you can just about guess what you are going to get when you get your ticket torn with this one, so you have a cast which read the script and look suitably excited/stressed/determined/moody and a story which could be described is a short sentence and a chief protagonist who's jaw dropping dereliction of duty is exceeded only by the spectacular special effects. And there is the redeeming factor. I would seriously consider this to be the most impressive quality I have seen for a film of this genre. I just might be persuaded to go back and watch it in 3d and/or Imax. Perhaps it caught me in a good mood, but it is one of those rare films which I consider well worth the watch just because of the picture itself. There, I've said it.

's up for Art Parkison (Rickon Stark) who provides some half decent humour and steals most of his scenes.

Sherlock Holmes

To review

Shooter

I keep forgetting that 7 is “Not bad at all – Good film”. I suppose this should start with an “An enjoyable enough romp...” Am I struggling to describe the qualities of this film? -Yes! There's guns, and dick-heads and explosions and triumph against the odds. I suppose it is the kind of perfect film to watch with a couple of large G&T's in that if the alcohol combines with senility to diminish memory of such things I am pretty sure you will not have forgotton anything critical. As a noveau Wahlbergian I appreciate the artistic sensibilities of this movie. Those who like this would also like The Expendables, Die Hard .... etc. P.S. Is Ned Beatty A ringer for John Heard (Govenor Tancredi in Prison Break )

PPS. “Some film critics, both liberal and conservative, saw the film as left-leaning in its politics, arguing that the main villain (Senator Meachum) was a clear analogy for Dick Cheney”.

Shutter Island

There is a third aspect of a good story that I don't mention (I am always banging on about how important plot and characters are), and that is surprise, so for example, The Sixth Sense gets a massive boost up once it has concluded. Likewise this beautifully filmed thriller is resolved most excellently, and, in retrospect, fairly unambiguously. I reckon it is worth watching just so you can discuss it!

One may need to try to maintain attention during periods of this film if, like me, you watch it at bed time.

The Silence Of The Lambs

I had this down for an 8 with no real review. There was a time when I did try to watch as many of the Oscar winning films as I could find, but just ticked them off as opposed to jotting down my thoughts. Anyway, I am now in a film watching Renaissance full on, stopping in peoples’ houses and hanging my coat on this particular activity, and occasionally it depresses me. The thing is, I feel like I should be giving this more than a seven. But why should I? Yes it has so many iconic scenes and lines, but it is still a horror movie that involves the protagonist descending down some steps alone without backup in a dishevelled location where you just know the bogeyman is just waiting to do his bogeyman thing of going boo with the lights out. Which is 99% of all horror movies. I agree, it is done more cerebrally, but one does not watch horror films for intellectual stimulation. They do not thrill me. Of the horror films I have watched recently, I simply have just enjoyed Sinners, Send Help, and The Housemaid more, their communality being humour. ‘cos let’s face it, it’s ridiculous innit? Shakes head and laughs.

There, that’s cheered me up.

Snow White And The Huntsman

I liked this more than I thought I would, it just wasn't as much fun as Mirror Mirror nevertheless it was still a good watch. If you look at the cast, I only recognised Chris hemsworth, the dwarves... like what a line up of stars (Oh I recognised Toby Jones as well. What really cheesed me off that I failed to recognise Marlooe beach, our favourite place in Pembrokeshire!.

Solace

I was warned that the ending was flagged up miles before it happened. I missed it, consequently was engaged by a film that was visually very competent, a cast that I felt I knew on a personal level, and an original (at least for me), slightly, but engagingly, fantastical story arc that propelled me another two hours closer to my death, but pleasantly so! Hopkins was a slightly straighter version of Hannibal, Colin Farrell had a quite an amazing part, leaving you thinking, was he bad, or was he good? Well I liked it anyway.

Sophie's Choice

To review

Southpaw

In the prices list for the 2015 Oscar, it will not win. Not to say it's not a well made film that tells an engaging tale, just that it will not win. If you had to describe an arc of a boxing film between sips of beer, you could quite easily have come out with this.

Spooks: The Greater Good

John Snow is really making a name for himself. A reasonable watch, I enjoyed it, a notch above James Bond and a notch below John Le Carré in terms of the seriousness of the contents. Dare I say it seemed a little too PC, apart from the Arabs (who we know are all bad guys). Actually, when I think about it, the criminal mastermind had some good qualities.

Star Trek: The Motion Picture

This was actually a bit better than I remember it. Characters and story. Story was OK, but with legendary padding out leading to it being dubbed The Motionless Picture! Ain't that just the best strapline since A Bore is Starred? Whatever, the characters are well known, beloved and outstanding, like a bunch a old friends who actually turn out to be just as funny as you remembered them. I must have watched this at least twice before, but there was a lot went on that I had forgotten about. I used to be a huge fan, but like sport, spin offs have diluted the charm somewhat, and I stopped watching the TV series after Voyager (at which point in my life I may have moved into a tent). On reflection it was a very good concept, which could have been 25 minutes shorter (The first minute is a black screen, no narrative until 3.50, great music by Jerry Goldsmith, A guest starring role for Jake Cutter (Stephen Collins), and some curious science (What is logical about Vulcans having false nails? Glad I watched it if only for the relief (though I did check my watch a couple of times).

Star Trek V: The Final Frontier

From memory. Production line stuff, looking forward to watching it again

Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country

From memory. Production line stuff, looking forward to watching it again

Star Trek: Insurrection

From memory. I have no memory!

Sweet Sixteen

It's grim up North. Lacking the feelgood factor which we have enjoyed in The Angel's Share and Looking For Eric this has the odd flash of humour and the usual exquisitely regional dialogue, but is altogether a deal bleaker, hence the lower rating. It is not a worse film, it is just a more uncomfortable one. It won the Screenplay award at Cannes and only grossed just over £300,000.

Taken

Scores marginally more than Driven to Kill and 3 Days to Kill because of Liam Neeson, yet it is pretty much the same story, just ropey enough to not convince me that it is a real world, nevertheless if 1400 kids in Rotherham can be trafficked (how do you spell that world), I guess this might have some credibility.

Taken 3

Crazy fun from Liam Neeson. The plot devices used during this film are incredibly impossible, nevertheless, it is fun to watch. I am sure the scriptwriters must have sat round a table and thrown out any ideas that were feasable in terms of rational actions on the part of the carachters, just watch it and you will see what I mean. Whatever next? Cop eatin' a donut?.

The Talented Mr Ripley

To review

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Great first half hour and Bill Fitchner (playing Bill Fitchner) tops of an awesome cast. The last hour is exactly what you would expect from Michael Bey, and so when you nod off you probably don't leave yourself many unanswerd questions. What I want to muse upon is the addition of value to a film by 'stars' i.e. I've mentioned Fitchner, but as I am currently watching Arrested Development I really enyoyed watching Will Arnett. Jonny Knoxvilles voice was amusing, Whoopie Goldberg. I guess I am a sucker for familiarity. Stupid humans!.

The Terminator

A must-watch film, elevated in public perception way way beyond its original budget. Linda Hamilton sucks a bit, and Arnie delivers his almost defining role. A thought provoking concept, a little gratuitous at times, the science is definitely stretchy, but what the hell, why not?.

The Thick Of It

I watched the first two of these after Veep with a very similar reaction. Peter Capaldi is awesome, the rest of the crew seem to struggle to emulate the cast from The Office without ever being more than passable imitations, so it stays at two episodes whilst I explore other avenues

Tom Jones

Half way through this I was caroused out. I mean, there is a lot of carousing. This film seems to have a really original approach, kind of almost fly on the wall mocumentary style, I have to say, the hunting scene really gives a flavour of the thrill of the chase, and apparently a lot of the fighting and falling over was for real! Was it a better film than it's contemporaries? I don't know, but all in all worth the watch.

Tomorrowland

Sitting writing about this and I want to mark it up, nevertheless I'll leave it at the 7 I gave it three quarters of the way through, in that it was cram full of stunning scenes and action, and an absolutely brilliant speech from Hugh Laurie, when the girl looked up from designing cars at the end it kind of exposed it as the cop out it was. SPOILER ALERT, the film is based on the premise that if you are optimistic everything will be peachy. That is a complete non sequiteur.

Transformers 4: Age Of Extinction

This might have been better with 30 minutes of editing. It was enjoyable, the cast, were great and/or hot (Wahlberg most excellent, Tucci goes from strength to strength), the cinematography and music outstanding. It did roll on for a long time though. Definitely worth the watch, but go to the bog before it starts.

Tremors

Hilarious. Very toungue in cheek monster movie, Ridiculous concept, ham, acting, cheesy dialogue. 98% on Rotten Tomatos!!! WTF?.

Troll Hunter

Quirky. As me Julia pointed out Otto Jespersen (Hans the trollhunter) should be employed in every single Hollywood blockbuster henceforth, as your go to Scandinavian. The 'kids' in the film kind of got on my nerves because a) The lad looked and acted like Ant McPartland and b) The girl did nothing but make stupid faces at the camera. CGI now has to be very impressive to impress. It is comedic without being a laugh a minute and I think perhaps I was nervous watching it with a large group to let myself get lost in it. Whatever, for fans of Scandinavian horror/comic/mocumentary it is a must-see.

Where the hell have I seen the beginning of this film before?.

Unbreakable

I watched this on the advisement of Mark Laycock, after dissing The Visit True to form it slots in to the Shyalaman timeline, in that it is not quite up there with The Sixth Sense, but definitely trumps Signs. The trouble is KIND OF SPOILER ALERT, the moment you know it is Shyalaman, you are looking for the twist. My wish is that he does a film but keeps his name under wraps, and that he actually abandons ideas of making another masterpiece and builds a story for its own sake, not just for the denoument. Look.. this is a good film, but it is not In Bruges

Under Siege 1

Look.. It's only a film. With guns, and explosions and macho one liners.

Under Siege 2 – Dark Territory

Look.. It's only a film. With guns, and explosions and macho one liners.

Unfriended

SPOILER ALERT: five or six American teens get embroiled in spooky shit, but instead of running away ASAP, they get dragged in, with frightening consequences. The thing is with this it is very originally and cleverly done, and maintains the interest for the short running time of less than 90 minutes (Watch it, you will see what I mean). Good story, good cast, good concept, the most original horror film since Blair Witch .

US Masters 2014

I set a precedent last year by including this, so... It is a sporting highlight, and when I give it 7, it makes it sound a little lame compared to last year's but that is no disgrace. Bubba Watson was the outright star of this one, with his play, and his emotion, and just a pure endorsement that nice guys can win. Spieth is only 20, but I reckon.. Ah, no match reports, this is an enjoyment report, and yes, I fell asleep prior to the last three holes, but thoroughly, thoroughly, loved it. I reckon if Jake had been with me that would have been worth an extra point!

Utopia

12 episodes of very British "look at me I'm idiosyncratic", "look at me I'm edgy", "look at me I'm convoluted" Channel 4 drama. I don't know what the first of this type was, I remember GBH, and who could forget Life On Mars. Doomwatch? Edge Of Darkness?

I don't like to go into plot details, but the disparate band of individuals (which ones can you trust?) pitted against a sinister, mysterious, ubiquitous, and powerful governance has been a common trope for great drama. Like the book 1984 it strikes a chord with the fear of the Bogeyman in all of us, and therin lies my greatest reservation about this kind of thing, in that, in the words of Christian Bale "It's fucking distracting". We have a country full of people who put French flags over their facebook profiles, but won't put up a picture of Mohammed. People who will put on V for Vendetta masks but won't go on strike, People who 'like' inane posts saying "Look at David Cameron - HE'S A CUNT!!!!! :)" without even reading measured and rational critiques, people who whinge on about how bad the world is without fessing up to their own back yard's mess and the failings of their friends.

Relevant to this review: "Hey look, Big Pharma are the villains". Let me digress for a while and post up the top dozen or so richest global companies and what they do, according to Fortune magazine, on this day, 24th February, 2016

1. Walmart - General Merchandisers
2. Sinopec Group - Petroleum Refining
3. Royal Dutch Shell - Petroleum Refining
4. China National Petroleum - Petroleum Refining
5. Exxon Mobil - Petroleum Refining
6. BP - Petroleum Refining
7. State Grid - Utilities
8. Volkswagen - Motor Vehicles and Parts
9. Toyota - Motor Vehicles and Parts
10. Glencore - Mining, Crude-Oil Production
11. Total - Petroleum Refining
12. Chevron - Petroleum Refining

Now, let's accept their are some hyper-intelligent "super-villains" who want to garner as much power as possible, who, in their unremitting pursuit of wealth to feed their megalomania do whatever they can, legal or illegal, moral or imoral in pursuit of their greed. Let's accept they have no scruples in externalising the costs of their activities. Where would such a person see the greatest opportunities? At McKesson (U.S. pharmaceutical distributor, the highest 'health' provider on the list) and its pathetic 16th place and one third the value of Sinopec?

The best cons are the ones where the victim doesn't even realise he has been duped. So we have countless documentaries and films exposing the ills of the world, from the church to Donald Trump, from prisons to McDonalds and then we have... Fast and Furious and Top Gear. You fucking idiots. Milner was right

The Way Back

Reasonable watch/ Colin Farrell and Mark Strong are unexpected, Ed Harris is awesome. Good scenery massive variety, blah blah blah.

The Way We Were

I thought it was going to be a lot worse than it was. The Oscar winning tune was overplayed, without a doubt, I can't make my mind up if I love or loathe Robert Redford and Barbra Striesand certainly is not the orthodox starlet, yet, I could not help having empathy with her part. It is tough to sit through films like this when you have the box set of House Of Cards to wade through, but it certainly wasn't a wasted evening. They could have gone further with the politics.

West Side Story (1961)

This could be the best soundtrack ever, nevertheless it is a stage show and the film comes across as such

What We Did On Our Holiday

As this film wore on, and as time has elapsed in the last 12 hours or so since I saw it, this kind of got quite bearable. The children manged to wear down one's resistance, the humour although hovering on the borderline of cringe managed to stay for the majority of the film as digestable, the carachters were just believable enough and although I could fully understand anybody criticising this film as being sanctimoniously twee, on a personal level I enjoyed it, and given these provisos would recommend it to a friend. Hilarious take on newspapers. Good one!.

What Women Want

Enjoyed it. What is The World coming to, me watching rom coms and liking them? I guess people know how to make films, and there is a lot of talent out there. There were patches of this film where I was thinking “Get on with it” (Mel Gibson dancing, anything with love in it), but it was a nice slant on the what if? story. I love watching Judy Greer, I don’t quite know what her relevance was in this film apart from try to make a total cunt seem like a nice guy, as did his daughter, I don’t know what happened to Marisa Tome. I think Judy Greer moved to the Bluth company and hence to ISIS in Arrested Development and Archer and nailed them both. Hordiot. For all its faults and turn-offs, it a straight seven. Worth the watch

The World's End

Like the characters in the film I had a few, resulting in a giggling empathy, and eventually a turn-off and save the rest for the morning, as it were. So I thoroughly enjoyed it but was left uncomfortably unsatisfied, you see, Gary was a dick, a loser, and it is not a dick or a loser that is going to save the world in any size, shape or form.

Can't wait to look up the references and what other films that girl was in. (Rosamund Pike, Die another Day, Made In Dagenham, Jack Reacher

I don't want to sound like a dick or a tosser, but Nick Frost is awesome in this

Zodiac

Not much to say, 7 is a good watch, albeit a bit on the long side. Jake Gyllenhaal, has made better films on his own (The Guilty), and I’m looking at the Wikipedia page to see how true it all was. How true what was? Well if you have 150 minutes, have a watch and see what you think. OMG ”In a 2016 critics' poll conducted by the BBC,  Zodiac was voted the 12th greatest film of the 21st century”. Did I miss something? They didn’t have to say he was in prison when he wasn’t.

28 Years Later: The Bone Temple

What nonsense! But I enjoyed it, perhaps because of Jack O’Connell’s total loopiness, Ralph Fiennes abandoning his oeuvre once again to get a pay check and entertain us (is he the hardest working actor in films at the moment?). Yes – I’ve got it. It was Tom and Jerry writ removed in time and place and dramatis personae. Hey – if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

Alice Through The Looking Glass

One where I got put off by the pre-publicity. I was sat thinking "wow I'm impressed" at several junctures of this film, and I hope it gets recognised in some of the technical categories. I bought into the Mia Wasikowska Alice big time, it took 60 seconds but really, forget the billing order, she is the absolute star of this. Anybody could have done the other parts (which were done well but relied almost entirely on CGI and make-up. That's not to diss 'em, that is just a statement of probable fact. The story might have been more understandable with a hefty dose of acid, but having said that, I 'got it' and loved the way I did not recognise an iota of the narrative. Kudos for a better take on the hundred year old children's novel than Pan

Avatar: Fire and Ash

Better than expected, given the trailer, the constant, in your face, unappealing, bombastic, unoriginal trailer. Spectacular pictures alone maketh not a great move, and I suggest that anybody who thinks that this is might take a contrary stance. That’s cool.

The first two words might have been “Woo, Bro” with that B word being constantly used along with sick, dude, and a string of likewise dated phrases from the Dusty Radler lexicon of what old people think young people used to talk like in the 1990s. In keeping with the trailer.

But I enjoyed it. Practically the whole 197 minutes. Perhaps because I dislike human behaviour, I dunno. The Na'vi would not win, but we can pretend they might. The Rest is History.

Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice

Glad I saw it. Good, but disappointing in that it was overcooked. It could have been three films with a bit more patience and development, and been a real set of stories rather than a two hour edition of Power Rangers. The cast were good, the premise fantastic, the action typical, but the science doubtful. It was like the stock characters outlined at the beginning of Deadpool have all been put here (apart from Jeremy Irons not being a criminal).

Batman has always delivered crazy villains with humour. Superman likewise, with the bad guys getting more and more deranged throughout the tale. It's a great trope. Jessie Eisenberg, though suitably deranged and malevolent is like that from the get go, he hasn't been given enough "I want to be accepted" to work with. Whatever. Go and see it, but don't expect Batman Begins.

Amy Adams, if you ever read this, I love you, but am not sure if your beauty and sweetness is just an on-screen persona, or the real you. If you are ever in Yorkshire and would like a date, we could take the dog for a walk, catch a movie, share a bottle of wine, whatever, just to see how it goes.

Broken City

I only saw it less than 48 hours ago and it's already fading. There was never a moment whe... For some reason this review dried up right there, and so now, ten days later I am compelled to ponder, there was never a moment when what? Russell Crow does that baddy thing quite- badly? (I'm thinking about Virtuosityhere).

The Glimmer Man

Shh! Don't tell anyone. I really quite enjoyed this. Its a fairly typical buddy movie, but for all its predictability and Segal's unique acting talents it works as a slab of watch. It's beginning to fade in my memory already, but you can't help liking Steven Segal. (Well actually, you could, but after On Deadly GroundI don't.

Happy Feet

For a long portion of this film I was imagining I could have been doing something else, but, at the end of the day, when push comes to shove, I am glad that I watched it. My criticisms would include the bowdlerisation of tunes which are probably overplayed anyway, the weird anthropomorphisation of the penguins, casual, non-particularly funny racism, the Westernisation of major issues and most importantly, the lack of imagination with the story. I mean this could have been humans, or mice, or lions or anything, it just seems like George Miller has taken the story and imprinted it on penguins. Having said that, the music did have its moments (but don't watch it for the music, watch Moulin Rouge instead, the film definitely becomes more compelling a watch in the last 45 minutes and the rendering is just gorgeous. I feel a bit mean, but perhaps its just that George Miller does films for some kind of people but not me, there is no two ways about it, people love his stuff.

Jack Reacher: Never Go Back

I could fully understand that people might take umbrage at Tom Cruise being so super Macho. It's ridiculous, I know, but it is one of those films where I want to say to haters "Well what the hell did you expect"

I think you can imagine what this film is going to be like! I enjoyed it.

Pearl Harbor

I reckon Michael Bay is much better with outright fantasy. At three hours and 3 minutes it is a long watch for what you get, which is the battle of the five armies triple extended version with US Flags, Coca Cola bottles and rodeo woo hoos from Ben, Josh, and everybody who is watching them, usually drowning or with their legs getting blown off. Ben makes this love soliloquy - go and watch Chasing Amy to see him do it properly. I would not recognise Kate Beckinsale if she jammed her finger into my gushing artery. I still enjoyed it mind, but I could not help thinking how your John Wayne, Donald Trump, and such draft dodging cowardly bullies would use it, and the psychology illustrated by it to bolster their fabrications. For God and Country? I'm not sure about country and I'm definitely sure about gods

Stoker

What a nice follow up to Crimson Peak with Mia Wasikowska and Matthew Goode being in super fine wierd form, with Nicole Kidman pitching the neurotic bit acca-awesomely. The kind of film I am sure I am beginning to like more after the 24 hours has elapsed. I wonder if it is 'cos I want to be accepted by the Goth Kids? I can cope with films like this on an evening. Nothing to do with Dracula!.

2 Guns

A proper dumb-ass buddy movie (I mean dumb-ass predictable, not Dumber and Dumber protagonists) Wahlberg and Washington are super hard and quite funny, the plot is reasonably occupying, the cinematography and music are good, and if it is action you seek, this ticks that box as well. It is like a Stars on 45 of cinematic clichés, but you know what? it is better for it. If you like this type of film, this is an entertaining example which takes you two hours closer to your grave without you worrying about it. Some very Breaking Bad aspects.

5 Shells

What a weird hypnotic quality this film had about it. I guess I must have enjoyed it. I would like to know the budget (very low) as the film itself was excellent in a visual sense, and the cast very watchable. I wonder if the director said "We want Hunger Games Jennifer Lawrence here" (except it was before the Hunger Games )?

Prometheus

This is kind of the same as its precursors, except it seems to have been done a hell of a lot better. It suffers from some of the logical inconsistencies of the rest of the franchise, but perhaps not quite to the same degree

Beasts Of No Nation

Please don't look at the 7.2 mark here as anything more than the enjoyment I got from this film. The fact is it was extraordinarily uncomfortable to watch, nevertheless I would not be shy about using the word 'brilliant' to describe it. I noticed that Idris Elba was a producer on this - is he a true artist?, because his performance was scarily breathtaking, and, coupled with a child performance I have never seen bettered, from Abraham Attah, this, almost documentary, of war in Africa is as thought provoking as a film can get. Can I say it was beautifully filmed? Can I say the soundtrack complimented, not patronised. Can I say gives insight and understanding into that people doing terrible things are not bad people?

Here is the biggest "Can I?" Can I compare this to Mean Girls ?

SPOILER ALERT: The thing is, it IS the same story, that of assimilation of an individual by a group, who becomes corrupted, does terrible things and seeks redemption. The contrast of delivery could not be starker, and therein lies the dichotomy; to get a message across do we sweeten it, or punch it? I really don't know, my heart says punch, but my reviews say sweeten. Of course, I guess, both are valid, but which is effective? Perhaps neither. Sad face :(

Bone Tomahawk

Kurt Russell is a great 'old' actor, he could easily have been in the Magnificent 7 remake, and in this he takes a faintly ridiculous premise and runs with it to deliver an enjoyable slice of hokum along with some spectacular gore. I couldn't watch something like this every night, but once a fortnight it provides some mindless relief.

Breathe In

There was a brief moment when I toyed with abandoning this, but I thought to myself that it actually hadn't done anything wrong, and though the trials and tribulations of really well off Americans and fading marital relationships are in my bottom three favourite topics (horror is a long way out on its own in the pit), I was actually quite engrossed. The thing is, there was one scene where Megan and Lauren met and were talking and straight away I thought it was ad-libbed, and it was poorly done. It was, and it was. Drake Doremus, the director, does his films that way, but this had enough of a story to overcome those few little hiccups. Particularly strong character painting meant that I was moderately interested in Lauren and fascinated by the other three to the extent that once I'd committed to the film, the more it went on the more I didn't regret staying with it. I'd agree with those who say Guy Pierce has his finest film here.

Broken Arrow

I've always liked James Stuart, and this film exemplifies why. It is most definitely dated, but not in way that makes you think people were stupid who made it. A little over-idealistic perhaps, but its heart, I think, is in the right place. Apart from that it looks good, tells well, and you just gotta like Jimmy. One most curious think was revealed to me on a personal level during this film. I thought I had not seen it before this watching in February 2016, but there was just one line, not the scene, just the line, about rubbing food grease on your arm, which made me realise I have seen it. Great - I'll be able to watch The Blues Brothers again soon, and consider it fresh.

N.B. No wonder it's dated - I have just looked it up - 1950 - this was at the heart of America's worst period in film making, the McCarthy Era, when to make a message film was to lose your job. It won a Golden Globe, and I can well see why. I am not going to change my enjoyment rating (which is good), but it does fall into that bracket of films which, all things considered, are probably better than my quotient suggests. So much better than From here To Eternity

N.B.#2: James Stewart was 42, Debra Paget was 16!

Bullet To The Head

I like Walter Hill films! This has been criticised as derivative of Walter Hill's and Sylvester Stallone's past work; like that's even a bad thing! OK the film starts as a good, intelligent, but slightly naive cop crosses paths with a gnarly old hit man who has 'his rules'. SPOILER ALERT: Work out the rest yourself! Tremendous fun, nothing groundbreaking, good sets, corny action and dialogue, but very solid if you like this kind of thing. Humour. It has humour.

Demolition

An interesting look at Americans who are so rich they can squander during their episodes of Neuroses (a Chris Cooper specialty). A good film that even already, four hours after watching, seems to be fading in the memory. .

Frankenstein

Deadpool for 15 year olds who wear black and very heavy make up, with just a tad less humour. I actually don’t really know the precise definition of Gothic in relation to media, nevertheless, given the context I perceive this is gothiest film I have ever seen. A lot of very good things about it, specifically the Cinematography, Oscar Isaac is perfectly despicable to the point of making me think about turning it off, and poor old Jacob Ecoli doesn’t get to have a wank in the bathtub (see Saltburn), but has been nominated, I think rightfully, for a best supporting actor. I can’t say I was totally captivated by it, nevertheless, a terrific take on the monster redemption story. A bit peculiar even within the frame of its own universe, but, let’s face it, nobody said this was based on actual events. Yeah, watch it.

The Girl On The Train

I liked it, Julia hated it! I can see why on her explanation, but I stayed well awake watching Emily Blunt have a tilt at best actress. Yes the wimmin were incredibly dim, but where would all these stories be without dim people and plot holes as wide as the Hudson?.

Glory

If I could deal with the negatives, Matthew Broderick is uninspiring, I kept expecting to hear him say "Would that it twer so siyample", I fear the black thing is overcooked a great deal (I don't mean the net contribution of these men, I mean the happy natives playing banjos in the sun thing), and we have a white saviour; why? This film that has piqued my curiosity more from my cynicism than the questions it poses. Onto the positives and it is quite a ripping historical drama, based on a true story that has a slew of characters that maintain one's interest, Denzel Washington deserves his acting nod here, the Georgia/Carolina feel, along with the Horner score is totally immersive and SPOILER ALERT, we don't always need a happy ending to resolve a film. I wish films would deal more with the ambivalence of everybody than the heroism or villainy of the few. But that would make us feel uncomfortable wouldn't it? .

La La Land

Well here we go. First off, this is a good film, and absolutely beautifully made. Second off it is not IMHO anything like as entertaining as the media might have you believe, and having discussed it with Ella we had both arrived independently at the same conclusion. People who haven't seen many musicals love it. Like those classic 50s musicals it hearkens back to (I'm thinking of An American In Paris and Singin' In The Rain It is strong on dance, good on tunes, but relatively moderate on characters and story. As an out and out vehicle for tunes, it cannot hold a candle to Rent (lit or not!), or Wicked, or Sunshine on Leith, or Frozen. I could go on and on and on with that list. The thing is, it sounds like I am dissing it, but I'm not, I'm glad I saw it for its own sake, but I think a lot of people have got caught up in the hype. There has been another film this year that gives a take on Hollywood that is better in every department, even including the dance routine- Hail Caesar!

And Jon Legend is no actor

And I get sick of Americans living in beautiful apartments and imagining they are having some kind of a hard time.

The Last Stand

Entertaining shoot em up with an edge that, unusually, means not everybody who gets killed is wearing a red shirt. The characters are pretty stock, I'm not giving anything away by saying that Arnie is the small town sheriff with a big town background, Stormare is a head stooge as manic as any Chuckle brother, Johnny Knoxville is big hearted Jackass and Eduardo Noriega is an impossibly handsome/brilliant/lucky/bulletproof/theatrical drug kingpin. The dialogue is equally recognisable, e.g. Gabriel Cortez: "You fucked up my car." - Sheriff Ray Owens: " You fucked up my day off ".

From that I guess you can work out the story... but so what?? packed with action and clichés, this is what a lot of people want, and it does it well. .

Legends Of The Fall

Nice eye candy, great scenery, intresting juxtaposition between the good and the bad and people's perceptions and instincts towards said traits. I was almost dissappointed with the ending, as it eliminated that ambiguity, and diminished the potential to reflect any reality.

The Lost Weekend

More American neurosis with a reasonably compelling cast and fascinating views of New York. These can be old-fahioned!.

Nocturnal Animals

I presume almost definitely a film which falls into the 'better than my rating would suggest' bracket. This was a thought provoking and deliberately paced movie that left me wandering what had just happened, with the magnetic Amy Adams being a goody, a baddy, a bitch, a victim, a concerned individual, a superficial poseur, a narrator, a puppet? Who bloody knows!!. Not a bad turn in the whole cast, and definitely one in the Christopher Nolan department of me perhaps needing some guidance on, especially some of the subtleties of, this intriguing movie.

On The Waterfront

I suppose the question is, why have I not given this multiple Oscar winning film, with a great cast and solid message, a higher mark? There is something doesn't feel quite right about it, and I subsequently read that it was based upon a Pulitzer winning exposé of 1949 and people say it is Elia Kazan's excuse for going front of the American comitte of Dicks and fingering all his 'mates' . It feels like that as well. Look, I didn't hate it, it's just that I don't think it was that good, the acting was a little stilted (I liked Karl Malden and Lee J. Cobb was himself), but I just felt that it wouldn't have fallen the way it did.

SPOILER ALERT

Don't forget, Terry Malloy was a renowned fighter, Johnny had KILLED his brother. He would not have been turned against by the populous, the kids on the roof would not have blacked him. Some films get the message across from the heart. This one seems to lack the genuine soul. The shouting over the klaxons incident was stupid, and they overdid the smoke in the park. A bloke gets crushed at work and there is no inquiry?? It is a good speech in the taxi though!

Passengers

Some magnificent CGI, pretty high level cast (which does not necessarily make a good film, but these carried it), thought provoking concept. Like the survivors in Society Of The Snow, I’m with Jim in making a selfish decision And if he hadn’t all 5,000 would have died. Now, for all the technical excellence, they always seem to dismiss ordinary physics, for instance, the gravity would not fail unless the thing stopped spinning. Why have gravity as a factor of centrifugal force AND Gravity generators? Arcturus is more light years away than the years they have travelled (“at half the speed of light”). No need for such easily fixed sloppiness.

What is dafter, the conviction that in a world of 8 billion people you meet “The one”, or that two people forced to live alone together, whatever the circumstance, might fall in love?

Pete's Dragon

Some films (Jungle Book don't need remaking. I've never seen the original of this, but I get the feeling this is a good take. I thoroughly enjoyed it. Wes Bentley? American Beauty dammit!.

The Predator

I enjoyed this more than the original. This was real fun, and the kid could definitely give acting lessons to others older than him (It's Tremblay, who was in Room, he makes such a .. Convincing? Performance). Whatever, establish what you want from this film. Spoiler Alert: You are not going to get Waiting For Godot. Look, you get a lot of bangs for your buck, and it's got some funny guys and dialogue, I liked it!

Pride & Prejudice

I gave up resisting after perhaps 45 minutes and started enjoying this girly costume fest. I wasn't really comfortable with the treatment of the vicar, but on the plus side the normally slightly anoyingly languid Donald Sutherland was super. I am going through a phase of seeing actors in Pairs of films, this time it was Carey Mulligan straight aftere Suffragette .

The Purple Rose Of Cairo

A complete relief after watching Annie Hall and Manhattan, at least for me (yes, it looks like I am having a Woody Allen season). About this film. It works, a yearning fantasy set in a fictional New York with carachters you are rooting for, and if not the ending you expect, it is at least thought provoking, perhaps even to the extent that you imagine your own. I know why Woody Allen numbers this amongst his favourite films, it is because he is story telling to the eager, not reflecting upon the spoilt. Couple this with Midnight In Paris.

Rising Sun

A pleasant enough piece of self-indulgence on Sean Connery's part, he thankfully stayed short of giving himself the power of Gandalf, but let's face it, he is reasonably watchable, Wesley Snipes eminnemtly so, and so despite the confusing geography and somehat idealistic stereotyping I found this a reasonably intresting/enjoyable watch. When one is presented with the best wraps on Earth to munch through during a large chunk of a half decent yarn, it's hard to go that far wrong.

The Amazing Spider-Man

Good, glass of wine, go to bed, Andrew Garfield IS a great actor, but it doesn’t add much to the canon bar a lizard man, and the story is strung out and unoriginal. Glad I watched it all the same as it certainly was not torture, and its ticked off.

Return Of The Jedi

Once one has invested several hours into a series, episodes tend to be enjoyable, even if they are missing out on the oomph a little. This film is just a little bit more like a Jim Henson production than a George Lucas, in that it relies overmuch on animatronics. I do scratch my head at why male wierd aliens get a boner for hot human women. Whatever it is a good denoument to the series, with an excellent ending only slightly tarnished with the superimposition of Hayden Christensen as Anakin instead of Sebastian Shaw.

The Truman Show

I’m going to leaver my previous thoughts up, but up the grade just a tad (I saw it Tue 12 Jul 1) and this is what I wrote then. A fresh watch even though I have seen it before. I really feel uncomfortable with universes that behave irrationally given their context, I mean a story teller can create the stage he wants, why does he have to make it go off at a tangent to itself? For example, the outside of the set for The Truman Show was shown in Hollywood. Why did they just not build it in Florida on the coast where the film was filmed and where you can have sea and islands. Are you telling me they kept a nuclear power station set on standby for thirty years on the off chance that he might just kidnap his wife and force her to drive over a bridge? It didn't have to be that way.

Ed Harris was brilliant as homo-artistic-malevolant Christophe and was it the Philip Glass part of the score which was outstanding or was it the other guy's? Was the concept believable? - yes, I am pretty sure that Space Cadets indicated that you could pick people who would suspend any amount of disbelief for any amount of time.

War Dogs

This might have been even better if one hadn't seen The Wolf Of Wall Street and Lord Of War first. Jonah Hill is getting repetitively typecast (think of him in Moneyball etc), yet.. Yet... This film had enough to offer to justify the card, with Miles Teller giving his side of the story in an interesting, without being totally fascinating, true (?!) story.

The Whole Nine Yards

It is wrong of me to criticise Matthew Perry, just because he was in Friends at the peak of it’s tidal wave of popularity. He was OK but a lot of people could have done that job. Bruce Willis is terrific. This film is definitely not what I expected, an out and out ‘cosy crime comedy’ (Hey – I like that, even though there were no curates involved and picturesque thatched cottages overlooking English meadows – not entirely appropriate, but it’ll do at a pass). Who is the eminently watchable Amanda Peet? She married David Benioff in 2006 and has three kids – you know I’m really happy for her – did she play herself? Yeah I suppose life could be worse than watching a film like this every night, it’s at that seven mark which means ‘worth it’.

X-Men 09: Apocalypse

Like London Has Fallen with better special effects. I actually feel like marking it down a bit now, 'cos the story was just an X-Men with more powers and more powerful enemies, but I did enjoy it.

Anora

After a third of this film I was hating on it. You will know why if you watch it. It had redemption, I laughed out loud a couple of times and felt empathy with some of the characters. I read it is one of only four films to get the Palm d’Or and Oscar. I must admit to wondering “Why?” It was unusual subject matter, it left one pondering, I enjoyed it eventually, but not as much as The Ladykillers with which it has some communality. I might agree that Mikey Madison is worth her actress gong. I’d like to know the female take on it. I’d like too understand the female take on most things. This is not like Moonlight (I found that outright boring), but it is a long way off my personal favourite from 2024. Meh. I feel dissatisfied trying to write about it. For all my sins, this is a world I don’t know about. I have never visited a lap dancing club, I have never taken any drugs bar alcohol and weed, and I can’t understand how people can afford that stuff and complain about being taxed a little bit more. Worth the watch.

Dad's Army

There's is a great deal to dislike about this film, but a lot more to like. Catherine Zeta Jones is easy to root against, it is extraordinarily clichéd, the laughs are cheap, like watching a one and a half hour special of Last Of The Summer Wine, and I did nod off during parts of it. If you are fan of the original series who is expecting a whole new angle you are doomed to disappointment. If you didn't like the original series, you will hate this!. Having got all that out of the way, It is a faithful homage to the original, it had a lot of people laughing out loud in the cinema (which I found annoying, but nevertheless, that's my problem), It was filmed in God's county, which was a huge plus for me, and though Pike, Jones, Fraser and Walker were decent subs for the originals without ever exceeding the distinct framing of the original actors, Bill Nighy, Michael Gambon and especially Toby Jones just did a perfect job. Don't expect Saving Private Ryan!.

The Danish Girl

Turned out much better than I thought it might (I was giving it a 6 on the way to the cinema!). On the real positives this is as beautifully pictorial a film as I have seen since Grand Budapest Hotel last year; the outfits, the backgrounds, the paintings were framed generally perfectly, leaving me wanting to look at them for their own sake. I think it conveyed some of the eroticism of being transgender and Eddie Redmayne was good, and Alicia Vikander was beautiful, and Matthias Schoenaerts is the new Jack, four absolutely excellent films for 2015, playing four different nationalities, none of which were his native Belgian. Alexander Desplat music brings a sense of wonder to a film, and all in all I'm thoroughly glad we went. Julia and I agree 100%... it was 10-30 minutes too long, but unlike Mr Turner which was two hours over the mark, this was an arty film which conveyed some of the passion of the people involved. There was a dog in it!.

Doctor Strange

Far from dull, this is, nevertheless, stock Marvel fodder. The visuals are amazing, totally mind blowing, and the people, especially Cumberbatch and Swinton, eminently watchable, the visuals would win a show, and IMHO, Marvel now pitch the humour just right, but, like American in Paris, there is nothing particularly intriguing about the story, which depends almost entirely on magic as the tool with which to move it along. I like Marvel, and I enjoyed this, and it is indicative of how spoilt we truly are when my review sounds relatively negative. It's not meant to be, it's just that the extraordinary becomes mundane with repetition. If you are a fan-boy it's an absolute must-see.

Home Alone

Revist to a staple, some might call classic. I watched it in two parts, and, without any doubt, it was the second half which turned it around for me. The church scene was touching, the break-in pure comedy gold. Macaulay Culkin was not that good (yes, I know, he was only two, but I mark these for my enjoyment, not the gratification of his parents), and, well it's a Christmas movie, so it can get away with a deal of hokum! Definitely worth watching once. .

The Hunger Games: 3 Mockingjay Part 2

How wierd is that. I've just ordered two Mockingjay badges and I like the films even more! Probably the most unimaginative thing I'll ever do in my life is compare this too Maze Runner 2, and it is unfair too, as this is a whole lot classier, with better carachters and a wider definition of story arc. Take some popcorn to get you through the Lord of The Rings ish last 10 minutes, but that is scant criticism for a film which, I am sure, will satisfy for the fan and constitutes a good watch for the completist (I fall into the latter bracket). How did they get all that stuff with Phillip Seymour Hoffman?.

Law Abiding Citizen

Ha! A couple of hours of total comic book hokum, which doesn't take its foot off the pedal for the entire duration. Gerard Butler is cast perfectly as Mike Banning as Gerard Butler. SPOILER ALERT. They must have thought "Now, what crime could a man suffer and survive that are the most heinous, and then, how much revenge can he extract aginst all the odds?". They must have sat round the table pitching ideas and hell, they were probably high and giggling uncontrolably whilst coming up with more ridiculous stretchers, but the thing is, its just fun, gratuitously violent grim slaptick that uses blood instead of shaving foam pies. I actually, in retrospect, think the film may have been so action-packed that the pay-off was a little bit of a downer? Whatever, You can watch this with a beer and a pizza, make sure you watch right from the start and just chill out for an evening. ***½.

Manchester By The Sea

Put this side by side with Boyhood and Ordinary People and it comes out miles in front. I kind of enjoyed the surprise factor, not like explosions or squirrels, but just these fairly quiet characters, behaving quite credibly without being entirely predictable. It takes deadpan humour to an absolutely new level, I mean, I am still wondering if the straight faced delivery of faintly ridiculous and awkward situations was part of the plan. It was. I think! For their faults the people described herein had enough humanity about them to involve the watcher. Don't expect fireworks, but it's a half decent night in.

Mission: Impossible

I love doing pub quizzes, but, like films, not all of them, all the time. I am thinking I would rather stop at home and watch this than spend twenty quid at some of the less enjoyable ones, This is worth a watch if only to tick the box on the first in a major franchise, other than that, it IS entertaining. Action heavy, the story carries through. I was not endeared to any of the characters in particular, but hell, with a beautiful fish pie on your lap and a tinny what is not to like?

Pan

I like this less now than I did when I saw it. I expected worse, it could have been much better. In terms of imagination it was terrific, Rooney Mara sufficed, Hugh Jackman could not outhook Dustin Hoffman, the story was reasonable and imaginative, the cinematography was absolutely magnificent and I enjoyed it. The trouble is, Hook casts a long shadow over the Peter Panstory. I think it may have been set up for a sequel, as there were no Lost Boys, no Darling family, no Nana and no Rufio, Rufio, Ruf-ee-oooo. Singing Smells like the Teen Spirit? Moulin Rouge did it already.

It has been set up to prequel Hook, as though Peter was just out of the age range to become Peter Banning in London, Julia pointed out that in Neverland he does not grow up. Call.

Rango

Like An American In Paris this absolutely excels on the technical side of things, regarding picture and movement it is truly wonderful. The story is not fantastic, it seems like a load of people have sat round the table and said "What references can we use?, and let's squeeze them in wherever we can ", rather than, "OMG OMG OMG I've just thought of something which I love which would fit in perfectly here ". I never liked Chinatown or Avatar as much as everybody else anways. Still a very good movie though, well worth the watch, just don't spoil yourself by watching Up, Coraline, Para Norman, Ratatouille, and all three Toy Stories in the preceding month!

Shelter

Jason Statham stars as a highly reclusive ex super special forces agent. Bill Nighy is a former spymaster who is given carte blanch by a dodgy prime minister to do what he wants. They don’t quite see eye to eye. If you know films you know precisely what this film is going to be like. If you don’t well, watch it. It’s fun enough.

Small Things Like These

Yesterday I watched Casino and wrote that there were better films made which scored less on my subjective quality/enjoyment scale whatever that may be, and worse films perhaps scored more. There was a subtitle during the film which said “sombre music playing” – Jeez, everything was sombre, especially the weather, the furniture, the houses, and especially Cillian Murphy. But..

It was a GOOD film, especially if you had worked as a coal-man in 1974 (this film was set in 1985) (I am not going to get picky, it was a film about people, not coal delivery), but more importantly, if you have been bought up a catholic by a very devout and lovely and well-meaning mother, and a father who pretended (to be a catholic, father and husband who I guess was not as happy as people could be).

My sister and I were sent to a convent for a ‘holiday’. It was horrible. I was constantly bullied, the food was shite, we basically spent half of every day sweeping leaves, and please God, if my kids rang me up and said ‘Help! get us out of here, I would drive to wherever they were and do it. I was seven. I was tied to a tree. I was whipped with nettles. I should thank my lucky stars it only lasted a fortnight.

I went to a school which had nuns. Sister Fiona was gentle and sweet. I perceived Sister Christina to be one of the most evil people I have ever met. I got a second opinion that concurred. Again, I should consider myself fortunate to have not been a girl at St. Wilfrid's, especially one who got pregnant at 16 and was chased out of town like a common pygmy (The last time I saw her she was a very happy grandmother still married to the father). I do not consider myself blessed to live in a humanity that not only fails to do the right thing, it is our curse that we permit counter productive behaviour. I liked some members of staff at school, I like lots of humans. But triple shame on you for not doing something about it. You probably don’t even want to know what ‘it’ is.

Star Trek Beyond

On balance definitely a worth see. I suppose we always want to see First Contact or Into Darkness and that's just not gonna happen, so like good and bad golf shots we should put the other films behind us and judge new ones on their merits (agh, I can't do it with Ghostbusters, which was the equivalent of Jordan Spieth playing the 12th in the fourth round at Augusta in 2016 except with a two put, not a single). So. Simon Pegg is so annoying you put it to bed after a while and realise that this film is more of an homage to the original series, in the context of which - it works. Very prescient to see Anton Yelchin being told to put on a red shirt. Not outstanding but still much better than any Independence Day movie.

Stardust

Entertaining, sumptously produced, fantasy, which got better as the film wore on. .

True Grit (2010)

I wonder if Westerns are so popular because of the scenery they film them in? Perhaps, whatever. There is not enough Josh Brolin in this, but I am only saying that because I am gay for him. Hailee Steinfeld steals the show here, with real poise and command of that fantastic Coen brothers dialogue.

Ad Astra

It says James Gray wanted to make a the most realistic 'in Space' film. Fortunately this was a little bit more interesting, and although it took its time to move along it was an arresting enough story. I've seen this once before, and it's making me think I should have kept better records; it's nice that I hardly recognised any of it, as with lots of things I repeat watch nowadays it is a reasonably satisfying way to spend a couple of hours. Where were we? Ah yes, thank goodness it wasn't done in real time like Seven Years In Tibet! A tad better than Gravity. Nowhere near Star Trek 8: Generations.

I predict these are in the 'goofs' section. There is no instantaneous communication between Mars and Neptune. You cant just stop a space ship on its way to Mars. Instead of semaphoring "Mayday Mayday", how about "Err, there are some mental monkeys eating the crew"?

Batman

This set off like a 10, but I was getting bored towards the end of it. 7.4. Michael Keaton was okay, Jack Nicholson could not carry this film with one well acted joke. And Vicky Vale did not really add to anything. I can't help but be disappointed, cos,... I thought it was going to be better. Of course I have watched before, but I think I may have been spoilt a few weeks ago by the trilogy and Joker

I read one of Jack Nicholson’s demands was that he was first credited. Dare I say it showed, and the film perhaps lost because of it? How fascinating would a debate be about who has the best filmography, Keaton or Nicholson?  Birdman. Spotlight, The Founder, The Trial of the Chicago 7, and Worth are a quintet of films that measure up as testament to Keaton’s maturity. Now Nicholson’s films are amazing, but he does tend to always play Jack Nicholson. You can’t handle the truth? N.B. I definitely don’t know the answer

Has anybody else noticed the similarity between Henry the Green engine’s sad theme from 1984, and the Batman theme (1989)? OMFG these are even in the same key!!

Becket

Another of those films that gets a leg up for its historical perspective, its 'quiz content' as you might say. I kind of see what people see in Peter O'Toole and Richard Burton, the entire film is totally theatrical and quite camp, yet I was really rooting for both these guys and all their faults of arrogance, overbearing piety, selfishness, and my general detestation of monarchy and religion. It was a half decent yarn, and it looked good, in a saturated Technicolor kind of way. I would settle for one of these a day if the alternative was nothing (But not if Hail Caesar! was on at the pictures!).

Bonnie and Clyde

From memory. I think I quite enjoyed this, Jack Nicholson etc. Let’s face it, most of these crooks were just crooks.

Chicago

Not the greatest Oscar Winner, but not the worst by a long, long chalk. Renée Zellweger is just beautiful in this (as an actress I mean), there are parts of fascinating originality, It really brings the show to the screen. If it precededRent by a couple of years, and paved the way for said film, well, give it an extra point. One and a half decades after this film was made La La Land was touted as re-defining the musical film. Bollocks. Chicago is a more entertaining film and did it all already. (Sorry, that is so bitchin' but I just can't understand the hullabaloo surrounding that film, entertaining as it is)

Citizen Kane

I’ve seen this before, I hope I have written about it before so I can compare and contrast my mark and remarks. This is the highest regarded film in history. So it is worth the watch. If it were not I still would enjoy it. I feel like such a philistine, nevertheless, there are hundreds, thousands of films that I could enjoy more on an evening. I was happy to become quite engrossed in it, I only looked at my watch twice, once for beer at 8 o clock and once with ten minutes to go. Engrossed by the montage of Charlie’s first marriage I didn’t visit the fridge until 8.15, at which moment I realised it was a story, not just posturing. There should be debates. Would it have been a more enjoyable film without the Hays Code? (I reckon most films would). Would it be so highly regarded if it was not for the constraints imposed by the Hays Code and Randolph Hearst back in the day. I have no doubt it broke ground in 1941, but I am watching this 84 years after it was made. Things move on. Will I die alone and friendless? Of course wealth and power are desirable, but are they ‘good’? I don’t have the answers, sorry. Orson Welles was a brilliant man.

Crimson Peak

Wow! This is pretty full on as Gothic horror/romance gets. It's shear, unashamed and absolutely relentless in its total embracing of the genre, and because of that, it can be forgiven many sins. Tom Hiddleston was absolutely perfect, the sets, especially the indoor ones were awesome, the horror was scary, all in all it was quite a spectacle. I would almost call it comedy horror. Don't expect any connection between the horror and the plot, but sit back and enjoy nevertheless. Jessica Chastain. Bad bitch! .

Das Boot

Wow. For a film that largely took pace in a tube about 50 yards long this did have a certain fascination. I bought into the crew, and I just think it makes for such a refreshing change for a film to show German WW 2 heroes. There but for the grace of God go we.

Destry Rides Again

It's hardly any wonder that I used to love James Stewart when I was younger. This film illustrates perfectly how a cast and story can carry a film, it doesn't matter how old fashioned, or corny, or black and white the damn thing is, a tale's a tale, and if told with enthusiasm it holds ones attention, whether it is huddled up with a torn paperback in a remote tent with a bike light, or the front row, Odeon, Leicester Square. Despite Marlene Dietrich being quite annoying this film has a weird blend of comedy and violence which, nevertheless, is surprisingly engaging.

And whilst your at it, compare John Wayne's war record with James Stewart's.

Dolly Parton: Here I Am

An informative documentary of one of the most iconic figures in music. Has Dolly Parton got a bad side? It seems not. Are 50% of country songs a re-write of Cold Cold Heart?

Although not spectacular in its production, this film has absolutely fantastic material to work with. I got more invested as it went on, realising that Dolly Parton is an amazingly driven person, a unique singer, dare I say an even more talented persona in front of an audience, and such a prolific song writer that some of them just had to be bangers.

Do I detect a hint of right-on feminism about some of the interviewees? I don’t like any ‘character’ muso pontificating about others with a stupid hat, sunglasses and bling, and I’m sorry, but Linda Perry is far more Gaga than Joni Mitchell (and What’s up was only a note for note rip of Don’t Worry, Be Happy)

I digress. There was a lot of good, informative, entertaining stuff that came through in this movie

Eternity

Reasonable concept adequately done. The mysteries of the afterlife are better explored in The Good Life (Seasons one and two), nevertheless this was eminently watchable in a comfy chair at Taunton Odeon, where they have little, intimate theatres catering for maybe a couple of dozen people. Good idea. Elizabeth Olsen is Alison Brie!

Exit Wounds

Well.. I liked it a lot! I'd say it was predictable, but it actually got me a couple of times. I'd say it was acted unimaginatively, but actually Segal, apart from being himself, had a social vulnerability and humour about him which I found very endearing, and the rest of the cast held my attention more than adequately. What I found that was apart from the story and cast being satisfying, the action was as good as any film of the genre. I had marked this out as being out of the box prior to reading that one of the stuntmen actually died making this. That, obviously, is not good, but it indicates that my being blown away by the chase scenes was not mere trickery. In the same vein as Sylvester Stallone, Segal squeezes what he can out of his talents, which lie more in kicking ass than acting, but sometimes it makes for a borderline great watch.

Face/Off

It so refreshing that a director actually has a name which indicate somthing about his films. Woo. This is just under the threshold of recommend to everybody, in that a lot of the time you are laughing at the film, not with it, yet that is probably me underestimating the awareness of the makers. Watch the first ten mimutes to get a feel of wether you'll like it or not. It is a genre classic and I presume would make a great quote-a-long movie. There are many, many critically acclaimed film with nothing like this much fun in them.

Fences

Adapted from a 1973 play it retains the spirit of a show, it feels like a play. Just puttin' it out there. Denzel Washington does his usual excellent turn, the dialogue is Wirelike in its density and idiom, one really has to concentrate on it, but I am looking forward to polishing this one off tonight.

Full Metal Jacket

Two distinct films. The first part being better than the second half, the former a facinating investigation into, and indictment of, human psychology with an all time classic performance by Lee Emery, the second being a protracted battle scene. I will watch Apocalypse Now and Platoon for a compare and contrast.

The Girl with All The Gifts

Very much in the vein of Utopia, World War ZEdge of Darkness etc, a good old post-apocalyptic intrigue/zombie/action fest which was one of those that you would never pay to watch, but don't mind at all sliding into for an afternoon's entertainment.

The Infiltrator

Brian Cranston does Narcos well gnarly. This is a true story, but as a tale it stands up, especially towards the end where it edged a few extra points for me. I think the author had a genuine love of his mate. Was that the bloke who plays Escobar the bloke who plays Escobar?

I have to mention that the trackBrothers On The Slide was written by my late brother-in-law, Julian Chapman. Way to go brother! :(.

Kubo and the Two Strings

Laika studios produce such gorgeous pictures. I have to see this again as I think I was hypnotised, it is kind of one of the weirdest films I have seen, incorporating a very Japanese soul, this is far more Ghibli than Disney, but it is that unique stop motion of such density and high quality that gives Laika films there immediacy. Like Julia forgot it was stop motion after 2 seconds, it had me from the get go. I honestly had 20 micro sleeps during it, so am hardly in a position to judge. I really enjoyed Zootopia this year, but this may be front runner for the animation Oscar.

The Lone Ranger

A big film! It worked for me, it had a fairly unusual combination of comedy and brutality, I have never seen better quality pictures of monument valley, and for a long film (over two hours) it kept me engaged. Very much the same feel as Gore Verblinski's Rango but with a more believable universe. The use of the traditional Lone Ranger tropes was well placed, and all in all I would say a must see film? Even if you don't like it? Which I did?.

Lovelace

This is actually quite a good film, but very difficult to assess comfortably, without the baggage of a fruitcake Catholic, 60s, northern English upbringing. The thing is, it takes a potentially seedy topic and turns it into a biopic as untitillating as The Karen Carpenter Story. That is not meant to sound like a bad thing. It takes a novel approach, the surprising raft of stars hold the eye, I really wanted to see what was happening and it ended all too quickly! Amanda Seyfried is quite perfect and Peter Starsgard is exactly the same as he will be in Magnificent 7 three years hence except he has flairs and a porno tash. I was left feeling that I should diss this more, but I can't. Yes, it works beyond a daytime filler on Movies for Morons.

Machete Kills

I'd say that for around $20 million this will give a lot more to the world than Joe Allen's transfer from Liverpool to Stoke (£13m). It's not going to win an Oscar, but its not meant to. It's a piss take exploring the ridiculous concept of a nearly 70 year old man being a brutal super sexy spy ninja, and it works. Talk about a star-studded cast!.

Marco Polo

I have just fallen victim to peer pressure. I have watched a couple of episodes of this and was thinking 7.4, Having read the critical receptions I want to downgrade it. What a wuss!! Look, it is a really entertaining and ballsy show, shot in spectacular places and with wonderful music, and if I was forced to sit through the whole lot, would not be too unhappy if they maintain the initial standard. Another three cheers for Netflix.

Marty Supreme

Not the best film of the year, but ol’ Timothée performs a real turn. For a time I was looking forward to the end, a little impatiently, I was hungry, but actually it had quite the decent resolution. This was shaping us a a stock 7 ish good watch, but a decent fight, decent love scene and a bangin' tune for the end credits, plus that Oscar Winning performance take it up to a 7.4. Yes - definitely worth it on a two for one, but I warn you, it can border on the dark.

Odeon in Taunton have a simple screen with what's on. Cineworld sucks.

Mean Streets

I'm beginning to imagine that my perceptions of New York gangster films are coloured differently from many other observers. The thing is, I just don't think as highly of this film, or Goodfellas and the Godfathertrilogy as much as the consensus. That is not to say I didn't like them, far from it; just that I don't think they are the best films ever made - nowhere near it. They for me seem to feed off the violence over the nuance of carachter and reality, almost as if the critics are saying that "we love this" because they are wanting to be seen to be super 'ard, kind of kow-towing to the mob that the films portray.

I also know that older films do get dated. I love Star Trek, but come on, the Original Series had a healthy dose of corn that pervaded the series, and that does not diminish with age. Likewise this film is a product of its time, a post Hayes Code film that still doesn't quite know how to balance sex, violence and humanity. Like The Sting and lots of other post-Beatles, pre Sex Pistols films it may have been ground breaking at the time, but wing collars will always look stupid!

So.. watch this, and then watch all six seasons of The Sopranos to see how far the genre has moved on, and tell me you enjoyed it one tenth as much.

Now You See Me: Now You Don't

Harmless fun. Magic tricks in movies always seem a little tongue in cheek, nevertheless, I guess it works in its own universe. This film’s portrayal of wealth is nothing like as cloying as Crazy Rich Asians, its depiction of unbridled genius not quite up to the annoying level of Suits, another two hours I’ll never get back, but I don’t really want it back, I enjoyed it!

Priscilla

A very interesting film, had me getting my phone out to ask all about this, that, and the other. This is what I checked on.
# Height difference between Elvis and Priscilla 19cm, height difference between Jacob Elordi and Cailee Spaeny is 40 cm.
# Age difference between Elvis and Priscilla >10 years, age difference between Elordi and Spaeny is 13 months.
# It may well be true that they only consummated their relationship on their wedding night. Lisa Marie was born exactly 9 months after.

I reckon I trust the narrative of this film. Why> Because although Priscilla Presley co wrote and produced it, her cheating in her exams and objection to the chair throwing scene seems to indicate some desire for truth. Elvis was shown to be both loving and a dick. Isn’t that all of us?

So in reflection a film more for understanding than entertainment, well acted, a bit awkward and good on Sofia Coppola.

Is it OK to fancy Cailee Spaeny in this film? As 14 year old? As a 25 year old? If the answer is no to any of those questions, please tell me at what point it became OK/not OK, if at all. If that question angers you ask yourself why, then tell me.

Send Help

Yeah, O.k.! Rachel McAdams and Dylan O'Brien play their pantomime parts with just enough humour and conviction to carry a pretty mad story through with sufficient credibility. You obviously have the Wikipedia link through the titles of most of these reviews, so there is no point me telling you what happens. I just want to remind myself occasionally, and perhaps steer you as to weather this worth a watch. On a Friday in February when the rain doesn’t seem to have stopped for a week, when swathes of Warwickshire are lakes when they should be fields and the roads plunge underwater so you can’t escape Nuneaton, and when you have what is turning out to be a fantastic value unlimited card for Odeon Cinemas (where some members of staff actually are enthusiastic about films) – hell yeah. :)

Sinners

I watched this with the foreknowledge of it being nominated for 16 Oscars. That’s a pretty high bar. I can actually see how, not because it totally floored me, I mean, spoiler alert, it’s a vampire film, and guess what happens at the battle at the end where the sun rises?

There were, IMHO some stunning scenes, the cinematography was outstanding – I’d rather look at two hours of this than two hours of Avatar and the sound track was amazing, I mean so authentic, yet imaginative. Jack O’Connell again – hah – what a nut :). So yes, I can see why its components have drawn high praise. The story itself is the MacGuffin here, it doesn’t contribute to the spectacle. Considering I’m a horror cynic this had more than enough to redeem it for me. I must watch From Dusk ‘till Dawn again, and if you want great music with a narrative and a little more imagination, Oh Brother Where Out Thou? is the ticket.

Some Like It Hot

I would imagine that many observers might see this as an exposition of sexism rather than an exercise in it. Both hypothesis might carry equal validity. Never mind that, is it fun? Hell yeah; jack Lemmon is a fantastic actor, tony Curtis plays his part, nad Marilyn Monroe was blazing the trail for women as objects. I’m all for that. Great Premise, well conducted. 7.4.

Spider-Man

Seven point four is a decent watch, I feel a little abashed that I have not given it more, but these Marvel films (this is the first with the comic book opening credits) do lean to protracted CGI action. All good fun. Basically I watched this for an excuse to catch up with the series and ultimately the animations

Spirited Away

I don't think you should take my review as indicative of the merits of this film. I think perhaps we should just accept that sometimes brilliance can not be assimilated in the eyes of some beholders. Apparently Hiyao Miyazaki doesn't storyboard entire films, but lets them develop as production goes along. Without doubt, any single frame from this film would grace the most Bohemian of living rooms, and Chihiro herself is an entirely immersive protagonist, but there seems no escape for me that it is a little random in its story-arc. So are many great works I guess. A mark of its watchability is that my version stuck on 1 hour 39 minutes and I am really frustrated, because I do want to see what happens to our little heroine, and where the train is going. Given this story's undoubted critical acclaim and popularity it is definitely a must-see. I feel so guilty enjoying Pitch Perfect more though!

Star Wars 3: Revenge Of The Sith

Although, like 1 & 2, still a vehicle for spectacular scenes, this installment is definitely the best of the new batch, not because of the set pieces, but because it has a slightly more involving story, and the carachters, specifically Anikin and Jar Jar Binks, become more interesting, in that Hayden Christensen seems more confident, and Binks doesn't speak and is hardly seen. I wonder how this would cope as a stand-alone? Not so well I fear, although it is remarkable how the story-boards at the beginning do provide huge vaults between the films, filling in lots of back story briefly and quickly.

Swallows And Amazons

I would have probably hated this if it had been American, the story was kooky, the acting occasionally naive, the geography curious (I mean, was the island like a TARDIS?) Everybody in Cumbria had Yorkshire accents, Titty was called Tatty and Windermere was Derwent Water (but they did not have a shot of Ashness Bridge). That aside, from the opening shots it had me, as a slice of hokum, filmed in places which I know and love from the bottom of my heart and harking back to a better time. My goodness they could really do something with the Famous Five franchise. I can imagine kids really loving this!.

Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy

£5 a month to Wikipedia is money well spent in that I read the synopsis of this film and kind of understood a little bit more about what was going on. Oh what a tangled web we weave! John Le Carré is notorious for convoluted stories that are difficult to untangle, I won’t spoil the plot, but this has a real 70s feel to it, Gary Oldman proves that less is more, and what a cast. If you watched everything ever made by the top ten actors in this film, you would never run out. Is it just me, or did they all look older in 2011 then they do in 2025. This is one of those ‘probably a better film than the mark I gave it might indicate’ I did enjoy it.

Trolls

A noble effort from Dreamworks which I would be happy to take any of my kids and friends to see. I am the world's biggest cynic when it comes to Juke Box musicals, yet I just can't help falling for I'm Coming Out and what has becoming the national anthem of feel-good films, September, which has been used as the closing track for four of the 750 movies I have reviewed. Why not in the eights and nines of other animations? That is an interesting thought, but I think the more identifiable lead characters of Carl, Riley, Shrek, Woody and Buzz probably strike more of an empathic chord with me.

The second consecutive film I watched in an afternoon starring Anna Kendrick with Geoffrey Tambor (see The Accountant), on a day of four films when I can't remember blinking! -A Street Cat Named Bob and Nocturnal Creatures were the others.

Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit

Another animation which is long on production, long on corny jokes but just a bit short on story. Worth seeing once

War On Everyone

Michael Peña really makes some watchable films, his dialogue is slick, his nuance is ubercool. This is not what you would call a mega unpredictable story, SPOILER ALERT, the bullet proof vest is always a cheap shot, but it in addition to Skarsgaard and Peña, the minor characters are very amusing, so if you like a buddy cop shoot 'em up, get the popcorn, you will like this.

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot

I think this is actually better than my enjoyment quotient might indicate. I thought it was going to be an out and out comedy, but it provides a thought provoking, yet much lighter insight into Western intervention in the Middle East, a nice contrast to American Sniper, Zero Dark Thirty, Hurt Locker (go Bigelow), etc etc. It'll not top Team America though - Fuck yeah!".

The Wizard of Oz

From memory. I can see why some people love this. It’s grandchild, Wicked is totally my favourite show and perhaps if I see it again I may up its rating, but for the meantime you don’t need me to tell you if its good or bad; just that if you haven’t seen it where’ve you been all your life?

'71

Jack O'Connell has the highest average this year. This is dark, incredibly tense, frustrating (It is meant to be) straight out of the school of Red Riding It is a refreshing take on the troubles which shows incredible bravery and kindness on all sides (bar the RUC), but the incredible malaise of allowing bad men to do bad things. If I was judging on other factors bar personal enjoyment this would score very highly. I don't think O'Connell could ever survive another film!

3:10 To Yuma

I reckon you could put those two in a film and it'd always work. Usual story, quiet farmer gets a bad draw, finds redemption.

An American In Paris

It's not much of a story. If it had a story half as good as The Legend Of Hercules it would be a 10! But it hasn't. That's the negative stuff out of the way. Every other aspect of this film is magnificent, the dialogue, the actors, the music, and especially the dancing. Gene Kelly was a genius, no two ways about it, and I was watching this open mouthed with a smile and thinking “This is the great grandfather of Birdman ”; that is to say, just like Singing In The Rain the takes are really long, and must demand amazing timing and accuracy, the whole ensemble and crew being part of an intricate dance. Even ballet is watchable in this.

To be truthful it is an exercise in filmed theatre, rather than a film story, but the quality of the ingredients make it so well worth the watch. It would have been an eight but I had OD'd on the final routine!

NB, although the soundtrack is absolutely classic (largely the Gershwins') It is, nevertheless derivative, in that the original music had been composed over 20 years previously

Angel-A

It's black and white and it's French. Now normally that would be a negative but, not wishing to sound too pretentious here, they both are vital to the atmosphere of this movie. The cinematography is starkly evocative, the dialogue perfectly sensually Gallic. It just could not be the same in English. (The subtitles bale you out). I have never seen such a beautiful film in terms of its treatment of sexuality. I would liken it to that feeling you get when you want to sleep with someone so much that you are genuinely not concerned about nailing them. I can really identify with Andre, and the comedy is so laid back as sometimes you don't notice it (I think, but I didn't notice it!!). BIG SPOILER ALERT Please don't read this if you haven't seen it. When Angela came out of the water at the end of the film I just wish she would have said "Je suis Catherine, qui la baise êtes-vous?"

Armageddon

Didn't give it a rating at the time, but as I remember it was highly entertaining

Belle

Entertaining, cool film. This was really teetering on the 8 for me, just a couple of little things (The hair combing and other little incidents). From a historical aspect it was thought provoking, and in terms of a love story it was terrific. Why anybody would ever want to watch Wanking On Sunshine when this is on next door I could not imagine, unless of course they do not enjoy being challenged at all. I didn't only just enjoy this more, but as an exposition of human nature this came out better than 12 Years A Slave, in that there was the ambiguity within all the characters that was more polarised by Steve McQueen (I re-iterate, 12 years was still a good film)

Tom Wilkinson gets my first nomination for best actor 2014 (though I may have to check back).

Ben Hur (2016)

If Sausage Party was a bonobo, this was the chimpanzee, all bluster and battle and belief, that made for better entertainment than the original. It was almost as if it were saying, look - this is a Judo-Christian story, but tolerate the just tolerable righteous bits and we will give you a gung ho movie with some terrific action and a predictable, yet tried, trusted, therefore enjoyable yarn. Actually a recommended watch!.

Big Game

A 2015 release in the UK, this is 51st State meets Olympus Has Fallen at The Edge with hilarious consequences. There was one portion of the film when, sat alone in a small theatre, I began to corpse with uncontrollable laughter, I mean it was just barmy, shot through with absolute plot holes, but you know what? IT DIDN'T MATTER! It was fun and Finnish, and I think it gave a flavour of that nation's attitudes, after all, they gave us 100 different genres of metal, they must have some tongues in cheek over there? One to watch on telly with a friend and some beer for def.

NB The film's budget was €8.5 million, making it the most expensive ever produced in Finland.

Bleed For This

Spoiler alert. Boxing film. OK, now that's out of the way, it's not going to put you on the canvas with surprises, but hell, it's a good story, and in this instance it is done quite excellently, with the lush ingredients of three great acting performances, I just can't choose between the solidity of Aran Eckart's Tony Soprano and Ciarán Hinds doing Peter Griffin, but I hope one of them at least gets a nod. Miles Teller is now, officially, a good actor, all added too a 'true' story which never really clags up at all, yet still surprised me. .

The Boxtrolls

This was a magnificent piece of animation, like Julia said, every single stop motion frame is a labour of true love and great art. How can people really identify with this film, as it's main thrust is what dicks gen pops can be in the face of ismisms, yet AFAIK most people are like that. If they all agree somethings bad, somethings bad, and no amount of evidence will change that paradigm. Change must come through the barrel of a gun?. Loved the end credits...

Brokeback Mountain

A very good film. I can't pretend that I found it some of it that comfortable to watch, but this is the kind of film I talk about when I say I want movies to make me a better, more understanding person. That part of Canada is always a good place to go, but the story and two protagonists were completely solid, Heath Leger and Jake Gillenhall were brilliant in this, and I guess I should have watched it many years ago.

Cape Fear

Despite the label Ultra-violent psychological thriller beeing quite apt, their was a constant undercurrent of brutal humour that made this as appealing as Itchy and Scratchy at their goriest. Was this De Niro at his peak? One day I will have to do the list, but heck, he was truly mental. I would get arrested for describing how truly awesome Juliet Lewis is, she just has something about her that is so boderline, well deserved Oscar nominations for both of them.

Changing Lanes

Why do people diss Ben Affleck so much? This is a masterful little film, presenting Samuel L Jackson in a sympathetic and gentle role which I hope he rates as one of his best, well distant from the bad mouthed pimp he usually portrays (nothing wrong with that, but this is just different).

Chariots Of Fire

Classic. Worth watching just to understand the parodies it has generated. Writing this review and thinking of this film makes me want to write a list of the best sports films. NO BRAINER

Child 44

Well I liked it, I really liked it. A somewhat confusing set of characters (I don't immediately recognise Tom Hardy) slowly build a tableau of deceit, loyalty, damnation and salvation in an intricate web of plots that actually leave me wanting a sequel to be made. Interesting from a historical viewpoint to, and let's face it, even Kenneth Brannagh does not convince me personally with a Russian accent. My first picture back with a Cineworld card, plus Meerkat Movies and my son Grom, it made me re-realise how much I love the cinema.

Cinderella Man

I could watch 7.5 Biopics all the live long day. Rene Zellweger is awesome in this, and Crow makes a pretty good fist of it (sic). One day I must compile a list of fight films. This would be very close to the top.

A Clockwork Orange

I was born in 1958. I read the book when? I must have been perhaps 13 or younger as, if I remember rightly, I watched this on release, and it wasn’t the first X rated film I had paid to watch at the Crescent Cinema Pontefract (That was Soldier Blue, what a choon). My goodness, I used to subscribe to Oz and International Times. I was 12 when I bought my first alcoholic drink in a licenced premises, half a lager and black from Lettie in The Rugby Club. I had no real parental guidance! I watched it again, god knows when, perhaps 2015ish and I thought it was just a bit pretentious. David Prowse. I read he was a bit of a dick in real life!

Divergent Series: Insurgent

Dare I say I like this better than Hunger Games ? Would Jennifer Lawrence be offended? It is very much of the same spirit, Dystopian future, haves and have nots, evil boss, friendship, treachery, kick ass heroine all very teen+ but this just edges it for me in the genre. I kind of enjoy watching Shailene Woodley, and the scenery seems just a tad more believable (still pretty unbelievable). They even have the plot device of total simulation to engineer exciting scenes. You disagree? That is totally cool by me, I am still really looking forward to Mockingjay 2, and The Hanging Tree is still the best song from 2014 movies. By a long chalk.

The Drop

Probably a better film than my enjoyment quotient indicates (and I thoroughly enjoyed it). It was not the sets which held the eye here but a slew of terrific performances from each and every member of the cast, including the dog!). There was a bar, there were backlots, there were poorly lit rooms, and the odd street, but in a 12 Angry Men vein, this story lives off emotion, arc and ambiguity. Sorry if that sounds poncy, but it really deserves credit as an example of story telling for story telling's sake. There are many films I have marked higher, but I would feel less inclined to recommend. I know I'm behind the times, but after Legend (literally unbelievable) and this, I am finally 'getting' Tom Hardy. Shortly to join him on the A list of actors (as opposed to celebrities) is Matthias Schoenaerts, who I have seen play a Frenchman, an Englishman and a New Yorker with equal aplomb in three terrific films ( Far From The Madding Crowd, and this.

It would be amiss of me not to mention James Gandolfini, who died after making this film. Lots of actors do lots of stuff well, but like Leslie Nielsen, James Gandolfini was special, in that he took an archetype character and set the benchmark for playing it. No person will ever, ever exceed the set of traits in such depth and balance as played by Gandolfini as Tony Soprano. Fear, humour, single mindedness, more fear, loyalty, family, ruthlessness, not suffering of fools, being a fool, command, begrudged admiration, genuine admiration and let's not forget fear again. When our Jake says he is the greatest TV character of all time, I cannot, at this moment, think of a good argument to contradict that plaudit.

Escape From L.A.

There is not a great deal to add to this which hasn't already said about Escape 1, just perhaps it is even dafter and just about as enjoyable. Perhaps all aspiring film-makers should watch these films and get told never to cloud their judgement or artistry with the encumbrance of plausibility.

Ex Machina

This kind of forms a trilogy with Her and Under The Skin, and like both those it is a thoughtful and believable interpretation of the " would a thing pretending to be a woman start behaving like a woman? ". I was fascinated by the characters, especially Amy, and the story was ... good. Yep, I'd recommend this to a film fan.

P.S. Gorgeous soundtrack.

Extremely Loud And Incredibly Close

This starts off in the same place as Boyhood, but, I don't want to spoil anything here, the last third of this film really ramps up the value. Moderate characters and flat story turn into interesting, surprising and thoroughly gratifying film. Alexander Desplat once again nails a beautifully timed score, and trust me, it is worth sitting through the first moderate hour, guessing what is going to happen to whom. Good film.

Far From The Madding Crowd

I'd like to take this opportunity to give a real big thank you to all the teachers at my school, along with The Joint Matriculation board, for putting me off Thomas Hardy for 30 years*. Considering I was an avid reader, independent thinker and blossoming socialist when I was 15, that must rank as a real mother fuckin' feather in your stupid arrogant, arse licking hats (whoa, have I got a chip on my shoulder or what?). But come on, Hardy was brilliant and only retired from writing because of critics who didn't understand him, then he is flavour of the month for everybody who has to be told why.

*PS I was 15 when I was ordered to read the book, I had never even been wanked off by a chick and was three years off losing my cherry, so how the Earthly fuck did you expect me, as a person who had been bought up a catholic, ergo sex was something you didn't do, to begin to understand this?.

Freedomland

How utterly 'nice' it is to flick through the recorded films on the digibox with a big plate of food on your lap, hit the Samuel L Jackson slot, and instead of getting a Home Of The Brave you get a Changing Lanes . Not critically lauded, fuck the haters, this is like an episode from The Wire, and I guess it is a little drawn out, but doesn't induce any “ I wish I wasn't watching this ” emotions, at least for me. I consider that Julianne Moore's performance is more emotive, perhaps even better than her Oscar winning Still Alice, and Samuel L Jackson is just, himself, awesome!.

Fury

It'd be kind of hard to imagine someone not enjoying this film one way or another. Within a predictable story arc their are intresting chapters, combined with a steallar cast, great pictures, brutal action and a spooky good score ramp up the value of this film in all departments. Tony said it rejuvinates the war epic. I agree. Good movie.

Gascoigne

A much more enjoyable film than I imagined it would be. If Paul Gascgoine is the best player in blah de blah, why did this documentary resort to showing the same goals several times over. It kind of increased my respect for him as a player a tad, but more as a man, in that this guy has had demons by the dozen to confront. .

Gladiator II

Write reviews within 24 hours (as opposed to 24 weeks). I should ask Jake to review this, his memory is so much better than mine. From what I remember it it it OMG it had ridiculous animals in the colosseum didn’t it. OK. Nowhere near Gladiator, but still an enjoyable night at the Cinema.

Gone Girl

Ripping yarn, made special by Rosamund Pike and Ben Affleck who seem cast perfectly. Without plot revalations there is not a great deal to say about this. It typifies the good movie experience for me with a cast you get absolutely invested into, and a thread that keeps you awake.

I Was Monty’s Double

I say! (auto-complete indicates I have used that introduction before!). Whatever. Spiffing if you want, top notch, thoroughly delightful British film from the golden year of everything, with a host of people I recognise and a lot more that I probably should. The thing is this is an absolutely fascinating story with at least a soupçon of truth, i.e. it is illuminating. Superbly acted. Listen all you flaky Gen Wokes, this is why you get local theatre groups putting on great shows with true soul. Keep your ‘influencers’, all they do is inspire the same degree of mundanity or inure you from true human qualities of loyalty, bravery, humour and sunny days and better programmes and music. What is so wrong with a woman working a couple of years, getting married, having kids and looking after them? What is unrealistic about perceiving some person as hotter than others? I digress. The film itself has a real comedic thread running through it – If you seek realism watch Saving Private Ryan, but if you want a thoroughly relaxing but admirable take on post war Britain’s sense of self, history, and ambition, this has got it goin’ on. And M.E. Clifton James got what he wanted. Delightful and educational reflection on why 1958 in Yorkshire with four older siblings, a dad who was a GP, and a mother who was a mother was the very best time and place to enter the world. Sorry I abused my privilege.

The Inbetweeners 2

Now this was good. Terrific writing well acted and funny as fuck. With a decent thread of story as well. Some jokes stand repetition and this just worked for me. Wills soliloquy about Ben was an absolute stone dead masterpiece, in the bracket of Ricky Gervais's rant in the Christmas Extras .

Inception

I might have enjoyed this more under different circumstances. The first time I saw it I didn't 'get it' at all. I really think since I have been concentrating on films I enjoy and understand them so much more, not least because I readily recognise and keep track of the cast. I got it absolutely this time, but after all the hype wasn't completely knocked out. Millions of people would rate it higher, but I thought the story was a little overshadowed by effects and there was no carachter I was absolutely drawn too, even though the stellar cast were pleasing on the eye.

Indiana Jones 4; Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull

Not as bad as most people would have you believe. Amusingly self referential late sequel that acknowledges the shortcomings bought about by age and rehashing of old ideas. If you don't want swashbuckling adventure, grizzled exasperated looks, unbelievable pickles and incredible escapes along with protracted chases and fights go and watch 50 First fucking Dates.

Into The Woods

This is a brave call from Disney.

I think a lot of little princesses are going to have nightmares about it.

I think more could have been done with the story, and there is such a list of characters that, for me, I would have liked to have known more about them, and 124 minutes did not allow anything but a couple of scenes for some of them. Each and every cast member acted, sang and moved perfectly. I know it seems a bit obvious that that is what should happen, but James Corden was excellent, Chris Pine and Emily Blunt were weird to watch singing but it worked. There was some funny humour but there was lots of dark discordance in the music and the film, no end of unhappy endings and characters who were realistic in that they were genuinely flawed, they all did bad stuff.

Definitely Broadway as well, as you feel like clapping at the end of the numbers!

This is definitely not a film for 8 year olds, but it is a very thought provoking watch for people who have grown out of Disney and want something a little more challenging. Worth a watch, but don't expect Happy Working Song, cos it ain't gonna happen!

Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa

What would you expect? Funny as fuck, the child star is uber cool (he was in The Fighter ). You could write a review of this without seeing it, and 7.5 was always going to be a slam dunk of a prediction.

Kill Your Darlings

Interesting enough biopic, the revelation of this film (along with an interesting enough story and cast) was Daniel Radcliffe, who is now, after this, a really good actor. The whole film was quite brutally gay, nevertheless, I guess it had to be said, and if Radcliffe wanted to break out of Harry Potter he has done it as well as I could imagine anybody carrying off the part.

Kinsey

As biopics go this one is up there with the best. It is obviously a story which would appeal to me in that it illustrates how stupid humans are collectively. Liam Neeson should have been Oscar nominated for his Globe winning performance that includes a full on homo snog.. ewww! I'm not normally squeamish, and I now wonder if my relative ambivalence to homosexuality is because I reckon I am a pretty firm 0 on the scale and do not fear or need to conceal my inner feelings? i.e. are many people so homophobic (I hate that word, it's doesn't do the job it is meant to) because they are just a flounce gay themselves? Just a bit of speculation. Would I be racist if my mum was Polish? I am 'anti-car' and I do drive 'a bit'. Nah. I am for the right thing.

KPop Demon Hunters

Write reviews within 24 hours! Julia told me to watch this. I did. And I know why she told me to watch it. Who knows what the next step in Cinema is going to be, but this is cutting edge with technically perfect production, and music that is going to push buttons for billions, myself included. Myself I feel guilty. I did not enjoy it more than School For Scoundrels, yet look at it. Everything is good, including story and characters, but how can you compare Golden (9 weeks at #1 in the UK chart and counting) with The Slow Train? AI ensures that maximum traction is gained from production. I think I may be snobbish, but I am imperfect, and crave that in the world around me. And I don’t know if that is right or wrong.

Labor Day

Quite a beautiful film, gets ticks on most aspects. Great contrast to Starred Up which I watched a couple of hours beforehand, yet both detailing stories of prison and its effects on humanity. I reckon this is a good film to take a girl to see. What's a girl?

NB. Toby McGuire is very Cider House Rules (Watch them both, If you are like me you will thoroughly enjoy them).

The Ladykillers

It was sweet watching this with a £21 meal for three from Sun Sun, and Graham, Ella and Angie. Old fashioned, to see the Euston Roiad with no traffic was quaint, the acting is like pantomime, and it just takes you back to a better time, when criminals were gentlemen and the filth didn't think they were clever.

The Last Emperor

An Oscar winner... delivers. Look, I know I've only given this 7.5, but that was for personal enjoyment I can totally understand why the Academy dished out the gong in this case, it is sumptous, factual, and a thoroughly 'must watch' film, and kudos to them for being brave enough to place it up there. I know, it is wrong to say a film is good because it was ground-breaking, but this one feels like the first time people have seen the inside of the Forbidden Palace. The morning after and I am so glad I saw it. I AM NOT ALLOWED TO UPGRADE MY RATING. But if I was, I would!! If you are going to watch it (and you should), please be patient, don't expect anything too spectacular in terms of plot twists, it's a biography. Awesome.

The Last Of The Mohicans

Just a good film, with digestible romance, terrific characterisation, it was, now I think about it, a love story, albeit a very stiff upper lip one. It was a little like watching Pocahontas !.

Legend

This was not a bad film at all; I expected less, but got a pretty riveting watch, with some uncomfortable humour, some insight into names I have known all my life, and timed my Subway Salad to perfection for the start of the film. Frankly, I am always pleased when the Studio Canal Logo opens up a film. This probably is not a spoiler alert but SPOILER ALERT. please do not read any further if you have not seen the film, then come back and tell me I am clueless. I never ever realised the both Krays were played by Tom Hardy. Fekkin' genius, I am so glad I did not pay much attention to the trailers and adverts, even though I did ponder why Tom Hardy was credited but the actor playing Ron wasn't. I thought it was Vic Reeves or somebody. One case in point where ignorance was bliss!.

Locke

Tom Hardy.. This is the true inheritor of the one-man play, a film so sparse that, apart from wondering what the $2 million budget was spent on, and why a wardrobe designer is credited, one can only marvel at the power of story telling. Like many 'gritty' films this has an enjoyment quotient somewhat less than its quality mark, nevertheless this was incredibly enyouable and most thought-provoking. Just watch it to see a masterclass in acting and narrative. How the fuck can it hold you for 90 minutes? The thing is; it does. I have not been as impressed with the art of theatre since The Woman In Black

There are moments when Tom Hardy looks like Chris Pratt!.

The Longest Day

Watch this, you will see A Bridge Too Far in black, white. An epic movie which takes a relatively focused event, deals with the multiple protagonists.

I do feel that the wise cracking small fella from, probably, Brooklyn is over-used, along with the military stereotypes of the amazed cockney, the dour Scot, the stiff upper lip English officers, the Germans who keep repeating lines like “verrry interesting”. John Wayne (who evaded service in WW2) and Robert Mitchum, quite frankly, get on my tits. Let’s throw Richard Burton in there too.

I am being too harsh by picking out the negatives. On writing I realize what a good film this was. Plus points are a ready-made story (which is not really resolved except in the imagination), some interesting characters, an absolutely stellar cast, a huge set, the historical insight. I would single out the extensive use of German, French dialogue with subtitles completely the right way to go, that this should be the template; as I recall it I can’t remember the subtitles being there, but I do know one never read “very interesting”! To its credit not all the Germans in this film were buffoons or overbearingly arrogant, it was good to see that a short generation after the events, some were portrayed in a decently sympathetic light. I can’t wait to read the reviews on the historical accuracy, but all in all I would say this is a must-see film, perhaps in tandem with Saving Private Ryan, not just for ‘enjoyment’ but for an insight into the D Day landings, movie making from a world which had heard of Elvis, but not The Beatles

Thought: Why was James Stewart not in this film? I mean, read his war record, you have one stand-up guy. Was this film below his high standards?

Lords Of Dogtown

To review

A Man For All Seasons

I'll tell you how stupid religion is. When I was at junior school, at St Joseph's, Pontefract, they trooped us down to the Crescent Cinema to watch this. If I remember rightly I was bored shitless with it at the time. This second time around, nearly half a century later, it wasn't so bad, with a great cast and reasonably engaging story. The dialogue was absolutely wonderful, but the best boost to this film was comparing it to Wolf Hall, and seeing how similar they are, but from different viewpoints, especially the main protagonists, Thomases Moore and Cromwell. I am absolutely positive that this film has had a massive influence on the TV program. What a cast!

The Man From U.N.C.L.E.

2015 is turning into a vintage year for spy/spoof movies, with this delivering a fun reboot of what might have been one of my favourite programmes when I was a kid (I have been told to re-watch them).

Arnie Hammer and Henry Clavill are kind of perfect in their parts, and, at last, a Hugh Grant role which doesn't annoy, but amuses completely. He has to get a recurring role in James Bond, in fact, feck it – this franchise has got some roll left in it. With hindsight it is just a vehicle for tried and tested clichés, but that is what makes it good, they work, and they are delivered with not just wit, but respect. If you like the idiom, watch this when you are in a good mood and I hope it will entertain.

Man Of Steel

Excellent ripping yarn with a very appropriate cast. I must admit I am still looking forward to the last 40 minutes, but that is the first thing on today's agenda. Amy Adams is worth an extra point on any film. Henry Cavill will be famous for a long time methinks (You can get (Cal-El) out of his name; what are the odds?).

The Martian

Yep, a lot more fun than Interstellar but it's not Apollo 13

I read that the science is good, but ... Ah, it's just a yarn, and with a Sub and coffee and biscuits and fruit and nut on it's release day with our Grom it was a nice place to be.

P.s. I thought the film quality was terrible, like they had left all the backgrounds in 3d.

Men In Black 3

An ideal way to spend an evening! As our Jake says, time displacement is a fertile patch for exploration, and a funny and entertaining thread is absolutely lit up by Josh Brolin as Tommy Lee Jones. Makes me chuckle to think of it even now. The vertigoal scene's were genuinely hairy, even on a domestic TV. Solid shit.

A Most Wanted Man

I had not heard of this film until I bought the ticket, and had no idea what to expect. A pleasant surprise is what I found, spooks, Germany and overcast to damp, I thought straight away it was very like something John LeCarré would have written. Philip Seymour Hoffman, in what must have been his last role was really good, and the film somehow managed to transfer complex plot in an understandable way. If you liked Smileys people and The Constant Gardner you'd like this. It was John Le Carré.

Moulin Rouge

7.5 is getting to be a bit of a catch-all. Terrific film with some absolutely outstanding musical numbers. Euan MacGregor has such a beautiful voice and the sets are huge. The drama can be just a bit prolonged in places, but the thread holds together enough to make this platform for colour and sound the full package.

My Fair Lady

After 40 minutes I gave up the fight and started enjoying it. Rex Harrison is crazy funny, Audrey Hepburn is, frankly, rubbish (it should have been Julie Andrews), The dubbing is laughable, the songs can go on a bit, but, you just can't resist good old fashioned values!

Napoleon Dynamite

To review

Nightcrawler

Yep, this ticks the boxes. The only thing that fans of American Psycho might not like about this film is that one might imagine it to be a little derivative. That said, Jake Gyllenhaal is absolutely superb as Patrick Bateman (Louis Bloom really!), The arc is rock solid, maintaining interest throughout, You want to know where it is going without having any idea what the little scamp is up to. L.A.? Who’d want to live there?.

On Deadly Ground

Watched this the same night as Heat and gave it half a point more. How is this possible, a Steven Seagal vanity project that had multiple Razzie nominations and a win for Seagal as director? Because I enjoyed it, it had a good story, marverlously theatrical carachters, and a surprising, out of context in terms of action, ending which put me right and the back foot and confirmed that this film, although technically flawed is GOOD. Look, it's a fucking pantomime, accept it as that and stop whinging on about delivery from a bloke who is better at martial arts than he is at Shakespeare.

NB, our Jake had real trouble getting hold of this, just the same as me with An Incoinvenient Truth and Whatever Happened To The Electric Car, which I still haven't got yet.

Our Brand Is Crisis

I don't know if it's because I've been watching Narcos on Netflix, but I'm getting to quite like subtitled South American stuff. Was this a comedy, a drama, documentary, a message film or some combination of all four? I think the latter, and though it might not easy to pigeonhole, the lurches between genres were not so violent as to give one altitude sickness. Sandra Bullock and Billy Bob are always a good start, it held my interest throughout, and I am still not sure how it ended... (Actually I am 99%, but I'm not going to spill the cocoa beans here). I feel sure it is going to get mixed reviews, but I enjoyed it anyhoo. (I was right!).

Our Kind Of Traitor

Good cast, solid story, Stellan Starsgard was excellent, very John le Carré (he was executive producer).

Peaky Blinders

Home grown period gangster drama. This kind of edges Boardwalk Empire. I wish they were setting up a season six cross over. Thoroughly enjoyed season one, the music being an almost carbon copy of The Wire approach, lots of tropes seem to filter into these things, the ambigous anti-hero, the powerfull matriarch, The moll (Irish/Italian/Russian... whatever), but it works, and when delivered with panache in these new locations tends to carry one along. Roll on S02

Pixels

This turned out better than I expected and kind of didn't flag much at all, Adam Sandler was Adam Sandler, Peter Dinklage, I'm afraid to say, is far more convincing as Tyrion (at which he is genius). I feel, in retrospect like marking this up. Great solid comedy with an otherwise reasonable cast, and a lovely concept. No Mario :(. And it got critically pasted. Fuck 'em I really enjoyed it.

A Place in the Sun

From memory. Hardly remember anything about this apart from it being much better that American Graffiti and Cloris Leachman being strikinkingly beautifully tragic.